New Member

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New Member
« on: April 11, 2016, 11:03:21 AM »
Hey there!

I am not yet ready to share details about myself but I am beginning to think that I am struggling with the symptoms described on this site as PTSD. The only way I handle my situation is to write so by means of introduction I hope you don't mind if I share what I wrote this morning ...

I drag a lumpy old cushion to my cold stone doorstep. Wrapped in a fleece-lined hoodie, double socks and a deep-red soft wrap I place pen to paper in the hope of re-kindled creativity. I had promised I would make it to the Beer Garden opposite today but this, at least, is a beginning.

I study the mossy cobbles at my feet for the first time this year. April in Devon lifts the daffodil heads bobbing above the damp ferns. They still struggle against the chill breeze off the sea as it funnels past the remains of my old friend the Holly. Now a clumsy stump under the telephone wires. A skeleton cast aside by the estate on a day when I was not here to protest. The two poor camellias, now exposed, offer a solitary flower hidden in the glossy green leaves amongst the struggling buds.

The crocosmia has already taken over the flower bed. I had promised myself that I would thin them out this year but they strike through the white quartz stones collected over the years from the beach below, jostling aside oyster shells from the ancient midden behind the house,  multi-coloured glass bottles and a twisted shell-shaped silver spoon.

In contrast, the newly-painted, stark, white wall of the chapel hangs with the remains of the once proud clematus that used to bring exclamations from visitors clear across the valley as it flung itself in ravishing pink splendour over the chapel roof. Now stray fingers hang valiantly from the eaves, a few leaves hopefully a sign that it will once again lovingly embrace the hymns on a Sunday.

My eyes are drawn to the one offensive plastic pot amongst the mossy terracotta jumble; a testament to the careless builders with no regard for peace or pride. I remind myself I still have to re-pot the azalea properly but it will have to wait for a miracle bag of compost to turn up.

London pride spills over the curve of an old grinding stone, a soft pale-yellow primrose at its centre. Sheltered from the wind and thrusting proud against its winter fleece a Blue Moon rose; a present from a kindly neighbour with whom I once quietly shared a childhood memory of my motherís rose garden.
Anxiety creeps into my chest and begins to clench a fist around my heart. My pen falls silent a while. I listen to the bird song, the distant drawing of tides over cobbles and high above the lonely keening of a solitary buzzard. Pheasant calls mingle with seagull cries ...

And suddenly, all is broken. Estate strimmers slice across the page shattering my pen. Rapidly I retreat inside, cats nipping past my ankles, back into the safety of the house.

Perhaps tomorrow I will make it past the doorstep.



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Re: New Member
« Reply #1 on: April 11, 2016, 11:34:38 AM »
Dear Talisien,

Welcome to Out of the FOG! It sounds like you are dealing with a lot of issues and glad you found us. I hope at some point you feel comfortable to share more. Do you have a loved one with a personality disorder in your life? If you are not sure, you might want to check out the Disorders   site.

Since you have identified yourself as someone suffering from Complex Post Traumatic Disorder, or CPTSD, we want to make you aware of a couple things as you settle in.

At OOTF, we often welcome members who are dealing with CPTSD as a consequence of having been in a relationship with someone who suffers from a personality disorder. Nevertheless, we recognize that CPTSD sufferers have a distinct and unique set of concerns and issues they are dealing with - and have recognized the need for a separate forum. So we have helped to launch one called Out of the Storm at - a support site specifically designed for people who suffer from CPTSD - Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. We encourage you to check it out!

Meanwhile, here at Out of the FOG, we come to discuss our relationship issues as they pertain to the other people in our lives with a PD, and welcome your participation. We have a number of sections, including one called Working on Us for dealing with recovery from those relationships.

We also encourage you to be sure and check out these links:

CPTSD Description

The 51% Rule

Tool Box


I hope this gets you started and provides you with some help.
ďIf Iím not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when Iím only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when?Ē (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)