Ohhh the Dysfunction!

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fiona

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Ohhh the Dysfunction!
« on: April 12, 2016, 08:36:00 AM »
Do any of you have brothers who are like this? I'd love feedback on any other families with brothers who don't seem to have grown up. Mine are senior citizens but act like children. Mom's N personality probably has created them. It's so not normal to me and makes me very angry.

I had to go to my moms house yesterday to pick up important papers. I knew my 56 year old brother has been living there for two years, but did not know his 16 year old son is there too. He just got out of jail for troubled teens. He had been there 8 months. You would think my senior citizen brother would find a home of his own, and would have wanted a place that my nephew could go to with his dad that he could call home. My nephew needs stability but has never had any. My brother moved from rental to rental, job to job, drinks, gambles his money away and never gave his son any kind of stability.

 They wonder whats wrong with my nephew...whats wrong is two very messed up parents who praised their oldest adopted son and never praised this child.  My mother seems to think theres nothing wrong with them living there.   Shes 80, my stepdad is 87. She not only cooks for this brother and his son but my oldest brother age 59 eats there every evening. Mom can't get around well now days but my brothers who can't cut the apron strings just keep on doing these things.  I feel it's just so sick. I want to let go and tell them grow up, be real men and get a life!!!   I do feel bad for my nephew but think his life is headed for deeper trouble.

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magenta22

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Re: Ohhh the Dysfunction!
« Reply #1 on: April 12, 2016, 02:48:25 PM »
Unfortunately this is typical NPD behavior. My NPD mother does the same with my eldest sister, they live together with my nephews, not only that she is letting her live there with her new boyfriend. My mother is in her 80s too and has already traumatised nephew's. It's like she's happy if we are always children dependant on her, always keeping their children children so she can always control them and be at her Beck and call.

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fiona

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Re: Ohhh the Dysfunction!
« Reply #2 on: April 13, 2016, 03:01:11 PM »
Thank you Magenta22.

You are so right! N mom's do always want us to stay little children. I didn't let that happen with me. My brothers should realize and I think they do because occasionally they call me saying mom is so controlling, but still they go back and live this way :wacko:  I guess they like being her little boys...kinda sick to me

I think my mom has also traumatised my nephew. She told us all the things she has planned for him to do around the house. Control, Control. Poor kid he better RUN. I feel bad for him but with such a deadbeat dad and mother I don't see him having a good life

Thank you again, always helps me if I get replies. I appreciate all I can learn and how to cope

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alonenow

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Re: Ohhh the Dysfunction!
« Reply #3 on: April 13, 2016, 09:49:17 PM »
This is so typical.  That was the biggest thorn in my relationship with my mother.
 I learned how to be independent while siblings ran to her with every question or crisis.   
Just think of how fun your brother will be when she has passed. Although my siblings have not tried to contact me when NM passes away I fear they will try to find me because even though 2 are older then me they have no idea on how to take care of themselves.

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movingforward2

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Re: Ohhh the Dysfunction!
« Reply #4 on: April 18, 2016, 10:10:17 AM »
I can totally understand your frustration!  My sister is 28 and still lives with my mom.  My mom isn't disordered, but my sister has some traits of a bpd person.  They both really enable each other and it's not a healthy situation.

My MIL is a mixture of npd/bpd.  We are NC with her, but she has always treated both of her sons like children.  We went on vacation with her once and she was fawning all over BIL (he was like 26 at the time).  BIL didn't have to lift a finger on vacation...didn't pay a dime for anything, she did all of his laundry, cooked all of his meals, etc.  It got to the point where my  DD (who was 6) was hiding snacks in her room because BIL was eating all the food that we bought.  MIL will even go so far as to scratch their backs.  :aaauuugh:  And...DH wondered why I'd get irritated on vacations.   I'll never forget the time my NMIL said, "I love having MF2 around on vacation!  She cleans up and cooks all the time." If a look could kill.........

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fiona

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Re: Ohhh the Dysfunction!
« Reply #5 on: April 19, 2016, 09:31:37 AM »
Thank You alonenow and movingforward2 :) Sure sounds like the dysfunction is with all of us. Makes me angry but I try to keep busy so I don't get to stressed. Very sick families we all have.


Wow, scratch their backs :wacko:  I bet my mom does that too  just boggles my mind.

and I can bet 100 % that my GB  will fall to pieces when she passes. 

GB has always said he doesn't believe in nursing homes and mom has always said she'd never put stepdad in one and it would be "over her dead body"

I will have no problem putting mom in a good nursing home. I could not live one day with her :stars: