That whiff of sibling superiority...

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That whiff of sibling superiority...
« on: April 17, 2016, 09:13:54 PM »
Ah.....a mere whiff of superiority was in the air earlier today.....wafting in from my sister.  She told me she had finished her taxes and sent them in. 


Me: I mailed mine last Thursday. 
Her: Isn't mailing them outdated?
Me: No, the accountant sends them electronically in and I mail the checks separately with the payment voucher 
Her: I always do mine myself, even though it takes a while
Me: Ours are a bit complex so it makes sense for us to pay someone that understands our situation and works with us throughout the year
Her: Ours are complex too but I would never waste money on an accountant  (notice that she said "money" and not "my money")

 :o  Really?  I feel like I am being chastised for how my husband and I spend our money and that I am an idiot for not comprehending the complexity of our taxes -- maybe I should go to accounting school and learn all the ins and outs ---  YES!!!!   >:(  And hey, if all we had were W2s to file our taxes with -- then yes, we'd be getting it done ourselves.

It is little instances like this that really bug me.  I mean, I am embarrassed that I even started to JADE with her! 
NPD F (overt/covert) NC
DPD MIL (covert) VLC
GC#2 SIB (covert) LC

No PD is going to tell me what to do.

People who don't bring joy, let them go.



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Re: That whiff of sibling superiority...
« Reply #1 on: April 17, 2016, 10:48:48 PM »
Oh yeah.... it is so challenging to talk with them - they will take one or two words out of context and magically it turns into some kind of "I'm better than you" nonsense.  Drives me crazy... no  matter what you say or do, they can do it better, faster, cheaper....  or come up with some kind of really twisted logic/magical thinking stuff and when that doesn't work they change the subject real fast.   

Unfortunately, we are "less" to them because they are really scared little kids.  We sit there, listen to all this stuff, mentally rolling our eyes or thinking "what the heck????" knowing full well they are pushing all the buttons they can find just to get you to respond - even if they have to go back to early childhood.  If your situation is anything like mine, there is an enabler involved - someone who tells you - just let it go, they don't mean it, so on and so forth and has been saying this to you your whole life.

Once we start the OOTF journey and see what is really going on - it breaks our hearts and minds, makes us sad, disillusioned and eventually hardens our heart just a little bit more every time it happens.  It sometimes takes years before we finally have had enough and have to self preserve. 

The only play in this twisted "game" is just not to play.  My answer to pretty much anything with both sibling and enabler is "good for you" or "that's great" and then move along as fast as possible to get away...  I try very hard to never express any kind of opinion, or discuss anything other than the weather or something like that (grey rock) which is what we do with strangers.  These people are supposed to love us, encourage us, nurture us - or at least that's what we've been told. 

Hang in there...
I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they try to appear. 

Leonard- "You can catch more flies with honey than vinegar."
Sheldon-  "You can catch even MORE flies with manure.  What's your point?"        ......from The Big Bang Theory



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Re: That whiff of sibling superiority...
« Reply #2 on: April 18, 2016, 06:18:13 AM »
I always think of my uBPD/uNPD on top of a mountain looking down on everybody from her superior height. It's a very cold, lonely place up there. She says that she has no close friends and sobs about it. She's going to be a very lonely old woman. I shouldn't feel sad or sorry for her but I do. No one in the family wants to be near her because of her behaviour towards them.

She's said that she's the cleverest person in the family. So clever that she can't see the result of her own behaviour on herself. She's alienated her family who are supposed to love and care for her the most because of what she's done and said. She can't see the impact of her behaviour on others around her.

I seldom agree with whatever nonsense she says I just say "Oh really" and try and ignore her. Our mother has a deaf aid and turns it off when she starts ranting! I wish I could do that.

She boasts that she is a psychic and a medium and therefore knows everything about what everyone thinks or is going to do next. How convenient. That way no one can challenge her because she's right and they are always wrong.

"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author



  • Fear is not real; it is a product of the thoughts you create. Danger is very real, but fear is a choice. - After Earth
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Re: That whiff of sibling superiority...
« Reply #3 on: April 18, 2016, 12:49:19 PM »
My sister has this "one up" flea as well...She loves to inform people of the "correct" way to do things. She gave birth to her first child right after I became pregnant with our third, and spent my entire pregnancy lecturing me on how having/raising a baby had changed so dramatically since my last child was born six years ago.

I politely ignored her for awhile, then finally had to call her out on her behavior when it just got extreme.

My favorite rebuttals are "Why do you care?" and " how I do X THAT important to you?"
There are three solutions to every problem: accept it, change it, or leave it. If you cannot accept it, change it. I f you cannot change it, leave it.

Sometimes you're damned if you don't and damned if you do, so damn well do what's best for you.



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Re: That whiff of sibling superiority...
« Reply #4 on: April 18, 2016, 01:35:18 PM »
I really hate the one-upmanship. My SIL is famous for it. I got pregnant with our first child. SIL saw the attention we were getting, and guess what she was pregnant about three months later. Took all the attention NMIL was giving us and put it square on her (the GC). I bought some things on sale at a store after both of our girls were born. I told her how great the sale was. She looked down her nose at me because it wasn't a trendy mall store. Whatever. She couldn't afford it anyways but shopped there so she could look like a cool mom. She always bragged how she doesn't take hand-me-downs, all the while knowing I appreciated if someone gave me nice stuff that was gently used. Uggh, I really hate people like that. They know best, they dress the best, they ARE the best, and oh yeah MOMMY (NIMIL) thinks I'm best! :blink: