Neighbor hostile

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Neighbor hostile
« on: April 24, 2016, 05:13:02 AM »
I moved into a duplex that was supposed to be non smoking. The downstairs neighbors smoke, they smoke inside and out and claim they do not smoke inside. I can smell it and when they do smoke outside, they smoke right under my bedroom window. I have said something to my landlord and to them, they are continuing. My landlord wrote them a note, twice, but it has not changed anything. The male person, is very hostile to me and tonight they were having a party, playing music loudly and talking loudly, until 2:00am.  I asked twice for them to keep the noise down, the 2nd time he came to the door and told me to go ahead and call the police. So I did. The police did nothing, just said something to them, but the music and noise continued. All of that said, I will move in 2 months. I live in the space and share the porch and outside space with these folks. They basely look at me and I am sure now that I called the police the hostility will only be intensified. I think the male person is PD. He does not seem to work and he is always around. He is horribly unfriendly and has criticized me for having pet rabbits. Which I have permission to have, from my landlord. I worry that there will be more hostility and not sure how to handle this until I move. I left a relationship with a PD last fall and have been trying to heal from that. My ex stalks me from time to time and so I am feeling horribly unsafe in the world right now. It is heartbreaking. I have not historically felt unsafe, but these days I do. I feel sad and unsafe. I also feel shame, as having anyone come to my home, is embarrassing at the moment. I have house guests coming here next month and don't want them to have to deal with the hostility. Argh. Any words of advice or encouragement would be appreciated.
"Communication is to relationship what breathing is to life."  Virginia Satir



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Re: Neighbor hostile
« Reply #1 on: April 28, 2016, 12:05:31 AM »
So sorry about what you are going through with your neighbor.  In my experience, most neighbors don't want to work with you on any issues.  Situations can differ, depending on where you live.  Probably need to ignore them, until you can move.  Too bad the landlord won't deal with it more aggressively.

Cigarette smoking is annoying.  I can understand how bothersome it can be.  I'm very sensitive to it and it amazing how far away a smoker can be and still affect you.

I live on a cul-de-sac and have 5 fence lines.  I battled with one neighbor behind me who has a pool and blasts loud music from speakers in his yard.  I had to make several disturbing the peace calls to finally tame it a bit.  It still verges on being too loud.  On those occasions, I've made a loop of lawnmower and weedeater audio and blast that noise outdoors.  It sounds like I'm doing yard work that never seems to end.

It is tough these days.  I live in a very multicultural neighborhood.  A few years ago neighbors started having mariachi bands in their back yard (amps and all).   It is so loud that you are annoyed for your entire Saturday evening.  I can't understand how it is that people have no courtesy for their neighbors.  I've found with disturbing the peace complaints, you have to keep calling and making repeat complaints.  In my community, to shut down a loud party (mariachi band in the yard, etc.), you have to end up making a citizens arrest before the police will shut it down. 

I could go on and on with a huge list of neighbor issues.  I feel your pain.  I hear tale that some people live in quite neighborhoods with wonderful neighbors.  I just haven't had that experience. 

Take care.  Moving will probably give you some peace of mind.  Some people just won't ever have any consideration and may get vindictive.



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Re: Neighbor hostile
« Reply #2 on: June 09, 2016, 03:42:00 PM »
Oh wow, im sorry you are experiencing this with your neighbor. I, like the other commenter, have found it hard to remedy these neighbor conflicts. It depends so much on 1.) Local ordinances and if they are enforced 2.) Landlords willingness to deal with Tennant's that bother other Tennant's.

I've had several nasty conflicts w neighbors on my rural road. Despite there being a lot of space between houses...

2 sets of homeowners set fireworks, make a lot of noise, throw trash, construction debris, and polluting stuff out on the ground. Violation of EPA codes etc. I took pictures, reported...the town does nothing. They all grew up together and its very much a " we don't diss one of our own" atmosphere. I'm now the " bad guy" on the street making trouble for poor little really ticks me off.

Another neighbor, had a calf tied on few feet of chain in bad condition. Othee people ain't it awful-ed to me about it. I reported it, state animal welfare came out. No idea what happened but calf was gone afterwards. Neighbor called me blamed me, said he was praying for my wicked soul...and that he shot the calf to make me, yeah, it really creeped me out!  Also the aint I t awful folks were more than happy to pretend to sympathise w him blame me....whatever. did I mention rural new England is personality disorder mother ship??????

Last summer, Tennant's at a family friends place next door had a Tom cat. He's a nice cat, I love cats, but he kept crossing the road, spraying my front door, and one night I drove in to find a fox stalking him in my field. Grabbed cat, brought him in my house fearing hed get eaten! Called response. Called landlord, no response. Kept him in my house over night. He sprayed the room I kept him in. Several months of this went on. I encouraged owners to get him fixed. I offered to pay for it they could pay me back. Nope, they did nothing claimed to love him soooooo much. I spoke to landlord, she said her Tennant's cat wasn't her problem.... One day I lost it shouted at them "keep your effing cat in your house! Im sick of this!". An hour later they showed up at my house, I told them to leave, they wouldn't. ( They're stoners and weirdly slow and duh about everything...) I lost it again shouted they needed to get the bleepity bleep off my property. Finally they left. 2 hours later a police officer shows up at my house saying they reported I threatened them! I hadn't, id yelled at them in admittedly unfriendly language...but at no point had I threatened them...they in fact were not leaving my property when asked!

I hate where I live. The locals here are disgusting...but they all think what they do is fine....they can't understand why I have a problem w animal mistreatment and engine oil dumped next to a stream....I'm the only one on the road who objects and/ or speaks out ( legacy of the scapegoat truth teller kid in the family...)

It's unfortunately taught me: next time I move I will be vetting my new home neighborhood very carefully. Considering where we live impacts our whole life...lesson learned, if at all possible find a place to live where immediate neighbors have similar expectations for respect/ conduct with each other. And if possible a landlord, association etc that sets some rules that keep the peace and enforces them.



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Re: Neighbor hostile
« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2016, 04:08:08 AM »
Can you put the houseguests off?
I know what it's like to have awful, aggressive neighbours.
If you know that you'll be able to move in two months, I think the best thing might be to just back away.
The last set of truly awful neighbours that I had actually snuck onto our property in order to poison a pet in it's enclosure.
That was terrifying, not to mention the expense getting it treated at the vet.
We moved 100km away from that neighbour & I vetted the new area very carefully, looking for crazies.
I also made sure that we were in a spot where we don't have neighbours on all sides - we have privacy from the one neighbour that we do have. She's been a bit of a nuisance because she acquired a dog that she thinks doesn't need to be walked or taken out of her yard more than once a week. So it's yappy & aggressive & has been driving most of her neighbours crazy. We set some boundaries around that, got a lot of hostility & aggression by way of response, & we decided to step back from that for a while & simply avoid her. Easily done as she is never home. While we stepped back, one of the other neighbours stepped forward into the fray so she's started fighting with them now. And one of her other neighbours has stepped into it by playing 'rescuer' and they've taken it upon themselves to take the dog out of her yard during the day & coddle it in their yard.
My point being that sometimes it's good to step back from a situation because some people just go through their life looking for a fight.
While we need to set boundaries with people like that, it's always good to step back & think 'so, how crazy is this person, really?' and choose your battles.
I'd seriously think about putting the house guests off, though, if it's that bad.
You might be better off just keeping the curtains closed & the windows closed & just focus on finding a better place to live.