Who's right? Brother #1 or Brother #2?

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bunnie

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Who's right? Brother #1 or Brother #2?
« on: April 28, 2016, 11:48:39 PM »
I've posted about my PD sister and have been given good advice to recognize that she is using her kids as proxies to abuse me and them.  After months of ignoring the bait and not responding to her texts and calls,  the kids started sending messages through my dad and leaving me messages.  They are sad because they don't think I ever call them back.  My sister convinced her husband and my dad that she's also sad that I stopped responding.

So after a couple of weeks, I reached out to her.  We talked for an hour and a half.  The entire conversation was about her and her health and a few minor updates on the kids.  Just enough to whet my appetite, ya know? 

I waited a week and called for the kids. Of course, no answer.  I leave sister a text to let the kids know that I called and that I love them and miss them.  She texts back... "Everybody's a piece of work right now. But I will tell them. They love you too."

I have a bad feeling about that response.  I think she's saying they are so "bad" right now that she won't be allowing them to talk to me.  And I don't believe she will tell them that I called and my message.

Brother #1 thinks I'm being pessimistic and paranoid.

Brother #2 says that she's using the kids to punish me and using me to punish the kids.

What do you all think?
« Last Edit: April 28, 2016, 11:51:08 PM by bunnie »
To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize - Voltaire

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fiona

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Re: Who's right? Brother #1 or Brother #2?
« Reply #1 on: April 29, 2016, 08:14:49 AM »
I agree with brother # 2. Isn't this what they call triangulation? I was reading about it because my mother does the same thing with me and my three brothers. Below is a quote I found on another website.

"Triangulation depends on one person sitting in the middle controlling information flow between others. The person in the middle is the arbiter of information: she tells people what she wants them to hear and often does her level best to prevent the others from talking to each other and comparing notes"

It's very sad your sister is using the kids this way. Very emotionally abusive behavior. :(

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freedfromchaos

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Re: Who's right? Brother #1 or Brother #2?
« Reply #2 on: April 29, 2016, 10:24:27 AM »
I agree with fiona. With my uBPD mother and uNPD father it went beyond preventing those involved from talking to one another. They told of what a terrible person the other one was or of the  horrible things they had said about us.  They created hostility and hatred and destroyed the relationship.

When I was a child my father used me to get back at his mother-in-law, my grandmother. He told me terrible things about her. Things no child should ever hear. I hated her. Only with the passing of many years, the FOG lifting, and a lot of examining his behavior did I know what a vile thing he did to her and to me. When I recalled how she actually treated me, with gentle love and great care, I realized that she did love me. A precious gift to a child raised in the chaotic tornado of PD parents.

I am sorry that you and your sister's kid have to endure her selfishness. :hug:

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bunnie

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Re: Who's right? Brother #1 or Brother #2?
« Reply #3 on: April 29, 2016, 03:44:28 PM »
Thank you for responding.  Geez... why can't things just be NORMAL?  My parents and sister make such a circus out of everything.  She definitely is controlling the communication.  Last year she was telling me and everyone who would listen that the kids didn't want me around anymore and she had to protect them.  Now she's telling the kids that their Aunt has abandoned her and them!!!! 

Cannot win.
To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize - Voltaire