Serving my notice, but struggling this week

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fozzybear

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Serving my notice, but struggling this week
« on: May 01, 2016, 06:41:03 AM »
If you haven't seen my previous post, a quick summary - my boss is a narcissist bully, who is a compulsive liar and basically drove me into the ground, so much so that in November I was signed off with stress. This is an organisation I have been with for almost 30 years, and been consistently promoted during that time. I have survived numerous restructurings, and always done a great job there.

Anyway, my organisation has accepted my grievance, in that they gave me a new manager, and a new place of work, and granted me my redundancy, which means I walk away with a year's salary in a few short weeks. BUT, the manager is still there, and apart from being sickly nice to my remaining colleagues, they are still in the same job, and seem to be getting away with it all.

I wanted to return to work, I could have stayed off sick on full pay, but I wanted some closure and I didn't want my boss to see she had won. The first few weeks were great, everyone I met gave me a huge hug, started asking me for help and advice as if I'd never been away. But four weeks in, it is all starting to grind me down again. I am working at a slower space, and hot desking with people who are lovely, but not my "work family" and I am wary of bumping into my boss, who comes and goes a lot between buildings. She walked past my desk on Friday afternoon (and she actually jumped when she saw me!), thankfully I was deep in conversation with two other staff about work stuff, so she had no need to acknowledge me, or vice versa!

The CEO seems to be another narcissist (my God, they really are everywhere!) and the atmosphere across the organisation is toxic - most days I am coming home feeling emotionally drained. I have some good days, where I go to meetings to support my colleagues and tie up loose ends, and I come out feeling appreciated and useful, but I honestly believe my presence is a thorn in the side of senior management and they will be happy when I am gone.

I am only doing three or four days a week, as I have holiday left to use, so I literally have nine working days left. Another close colleague leaves on the same day as me, so we are having a joint leaving lunch, with all my old colleagues past and present, which I am really looking forward to, as it will be the positive ending I need :)

On a really positive note, for me anyway, the new structure has just been announced, and it's appalling, so I am very happy with my decision to go. My team used to be six people two years ago, was then whittled down to three, and will now be one person - you can imagine what their workload will be!

I knew I would grieve for my job, but I am now grieving for all the good work we did over the decades, and the fact that it is all being undone. My organisation now has a really poor reputation in its community, and I spent years of my life building up trust and engagement. That makes me sad I guess, but I have learned the hard way to let go of unhealthy relationships, and this is the last one.....
Almost free.

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Hikercymru

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Re: Serving my notice, but struggling this week
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2016, 05:10:05 PM »
What a loss to the company and their cause and your colleagues. I can somewhat understand your feelings as I used to work on a marvellous project which really changed people's lives until the funding stopped. Despite a massive need and protests,  the project finished and left two hundred young people and their families in the lurch. Our team of six was made redundant. I felt a tremendous sense of loss. It was ridiculously painful.
But it's gone....... Two years later I would still go back tomorrow. No narcissist boss, though.
Dear fozzybear, I am so sorry for your loss.

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fozzybear

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Re: Serving my notice, but struggling this week
« Reply #2 on: May 04, 2016, 06:24:58 PM »
Thanks Hikercymru,
Maybe I am finding it harder to let go than I thought. A project idea I've been pushing for for six months or more looks like it's back on the table, and the people who will be left to do it will probably kill it stone dead, as they have "issues" between the various partners involved. Frustrating, but I have to let it go, even though I know I could make it work, and would be the ideal person to run the business once it is up and running. Not my circus, not my monkeys, as they say....
Doing my best for the remaining staff while I am there, helping them get their CVs in order, talking through job options etc, and making sure I leave no mess behind me.
Had a little positive today, went to register with a specialist employment agency, and the person who interviewed me was really positive and said my CV was spot on, one of the best she'd seen:)
Almost free.

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Hikercymru

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Re: Serving my notice, but struggling this week
« Reply #3 on: May 04, 2016, 06:28:44 PM »
As Bob Marley sings: When one door shuts other one opens.
You go fozzybear.  I hope that you will find a wonderful job.
It sounds as if you have a lot to offer.
 :wave:

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alonenow

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Re: Serving my notice, but struggling this week
« Reply #4 on: May 09, 2016, 06:50:36 PM »
 I was talking to someone recently promoted and was told to read a book the one important thing she took from this book was People leave because of people not usually the organization.   With that said  I felt the need to leave a place I was at for over 20 years............. the boss was an nasty Narc and even though it was revealed to many above him in the organization nothing was done to him.
 I just went in (gone for 3 plus years) to see some old co-workers over this last week..........  it was eye opening Most looked like the WALKING DEAD and spoke of many others leaving...... I miss some people but realize that much like a FOO some of us must leave for our sanity some stay for whatever reasons they have. I am trying not to judge but it was obvious many were miserable.
Remembering the good ole days can keep many trapped in a bad situation but I know I can only save myself.
I have heard rumors that some of the Narcs met their Karma in their life....... health issues / divorce and other misfortunes   but I feel it is rare for many to get to see it the results.
 Narcs seldom that they realize the things that happened were karma for their past misdeeds as well.

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fozzybear

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Re: Serving my notice, but struggling this week
« Reply #5 on: May 10, 2016, 08:42:38 AM »
Alonenow, I agree with much of what you say, but I believe organisations become toxic when the management/ leadership team consist of toxic narcissists, and that is what is happening to my place now.
I have been so lucky to spend two decades working within a non-toxic team I consider my second family, so that the leadership was not so important to us, we had each other's back day and night. My previous manager was no angel, and we disagreed a lot, but she would defend our team and her service to the last breath, and we loved her for that. It says a lot that we meet up with her socially every couple of months, and enjoy her company still.
Having been off four months will stress, I came back to the place with open eyes and more distance, and was overwhelmingly relieved to realise that it wasn't me that was the problem! Def. Out of the FOG moment - I'd suspected it, but crashing and burning for the first time in my life really shook my confidence for a while.
Anyway, six working days and counting now, then I can leave it all behind me :)
Almost free.