My aunt believe the same as me - about me - as i do about her. What´s that about

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hope2016

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My aunt believe the same as me - about me - as i do about her. She believe truly that I am abusive - and I believe truly that she is abusive.

What's that about?

As I have told many times before she will not confront the conflict and what happened between us: the conflict.
She is happy however to continue in good spirit without going in to confronting the conflict, and be in the same room as me when there is a familygathering. This is her view about it.

Me, myself: I will simply not go to any familygathering before she and I have talked it out and developed friendship or some kind of mutual respect. I believe this will bring good energy.

When I have attended familygatherings, I feel bad - it is the unresolved conflict between us that I feel and for me it is unnatural to not at least have a talk about it in proper manner. I like to confront this way. So I stopped attending gatherings and will not attend in any on these circumstances. Importand familymembers take her site BTW.

 


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xredshoesx

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hope, this is not as uncommon as you may feel. mnay times the PD/uPD person in our lives can wear a different face with other family members at a gathering and try to make you look like the one with a problem, just like you described.

it almost sounds like she is counting on you to bring the conflict up at a family gathering so she can make you look bad when she reacts this way.  you shouldn't have to not see your family just because of your issues with her. it must be really frustrating when everyone takes her side also.

surely she has done this to at least one more person in your family?

i'm going to move your post to a different section where people talk more about relationships with PD relatives so you can get some more support.


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bunnie

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My mother does this and it is very hard to explain.  She used to treat me terribly without saying a word.  Death stares and taking/hiding my things, etc.  She would often block my car in our residence driveway and when I'd come to her to either move her car or give me the car keys she would ignore me.  Then when my siblings would do the same, she would cheerily cooperate.   The list goes on. 

When I would finally melt down and get upset, she'd play innocent and shrug her shoulders as if she hadn't a clue why I was so upset.  This pattern carried over long after I left home.  She scapegoated me and ignored me.  Then when I'd attend events or gatherings with family and friends, I'd ignore her.  Which made me look bad to everyone who didn't know the back story.  I stopped going around my family for a long while.

On a few occasions I brought up the conflict while others were around and I was portrayed as the troublemaker.

I'm NC with my mother at this point in my life.  I don't have answers.  If she is PD, she may never allow you to talk out and resolve the conflict.  But it shouldn't cost you other family relationships.
To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize - Voltaire

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hope2016

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No she haven't done this to other familymembers. The only person I know of is her own mother whom I am sure has some issues herself. Perhaps her mother share something. Ones my aunt asked me if I fought she resembled with her mother. I kindly said no, since I wanted to believe the best about my aunt, but secretly I was in doubt. 

My aunt has high standarts it seems in turns of moral. I believe I have too. But I don't believe in blaming other (passing guild) and I believe this is something she dismiss about me. I don't want to place fault.

If she is counting on me to bring the up the conflict - I don't know. I don't anything. Haven't seen her for years.



hope, this is not as uncommon as you may feel. mnay times the PD/uPD person in our lives can wear a different face with other family members at a gathering and try to make you look like the one with a problem, just like you described.

it almost sounds like she is counting on you to bring the conflict up at a family gathering so she can make you look bad when she reacts this way.  you shouldn't have to not see your family just because of your issues with her. it must be really frustrating when everyone takes her side also.

surely she has done this to at least one more person in your family?

i'm going to move your post to a different section where people talk more about relationships with PD relatives so you can get some more support.

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solidground

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Hi there Hope2016,

Often in life people have different interpretations of the same events, and different ways of dealing with things.  So it's maybe not so strange that you and your aunt see things differently.

I found it really helped me to see a professional counsellor (i.e. therapist) to talk about my feelings.  Trying to talk to family members is not the same because they are too involved, and will have their own opinions.

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amazedsister

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My sister trying to convince others that I am the one with a problem.  She has an answer for everything.  Her phone was hacked - she didn't send me text messages.  Her email was hacked - she didn't send the emails that I have from her. 

She has in fact convinced some family members that I am the problem child.  They have never seen the evil side of her that I have.  The evil side came out when I called her on a lie.  Plain and simple.  I figured out what she was doing.  She hates me for that.

My uncle however didn't buy into her bullshit.  He thought it strange that she comes to his house (has not been in his house in 20 years or more), sits down and proceeds to tell him and his wife that me and my mother are telling lies about her.  She is not seeing "withholding his name".  We are spreading lies about her. 

Shortly after my mother got so fed up (not knowing my sister had paid her brother a visit) - that my mother went to talk to her brother.  He said that he knew something was up when my sister came to the house.  Things just didn't add up.  We take him and show him where my sister lives (she's kept her apartment address a 'secret' so no one knows what she is doing).  My uncle sees "withholding his name" vehicle at my sister's apartment.  He visits many more times...and sees the same vehicle at my sister's.  She's not seeing "withholding his name"...but he is at her apartment.

My uncle and his wife are the only one who know that he knows my sister lied.  My sister doesn't know that they know.  Oh how I am waiting for 'karma'.  Oh how I am waiting for her world of lies to fall in on her.

Now my sister is on a campaign to prove that she is the "good child" and I am the evil one. 

It is quite amusing.  I am sad that I have lost family members.  I am hurt and angry.  Trying to deal with all of this has taken years off of me.

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hope2016

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Hi there**
I have started seeing a professional counsellor = therapist and I think it is good. But I also think that it is sad that you cant communicate with your own family.

I also believe it is unhealthy to have relationships to people whom you cant communicate with/understanding for.

This is my standarts and I think they are healthy. Please comment if you think I have to high standarts? I don't mind constructive criticism.




Hi there Hope2016,

Often in life people have different interpretations of the same events, and different ways of dealing with things.  So it's maybe not so strange that you and your aunt see things differently.

I found it really helped me to see a professional counsellor (i.e. therapist) to talk about my feelings.  Trying to talk to family members is not the same because they are too involved, and will have their own opinions.

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hope2016

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My sister trying to convince others that I am the one with a problem.  She has an answer for everything.  Her phone was hacked - she didn't send me text messages.  Her email was hacked - she didn't send the emails that I have from her. 

She has in fact convinced some family members that I am the problem child.  They have never seen the evil side of her that I have.  The evil side came out when I called her on a lie.  Plain and simple.  I figured out what she was doing.  She hates me for that.

My uncle however didn't buy into her bullshit.  He thought it strange that she comes to his house (has not been in his house in 20 years or more), sits down and proceeds to tell him and his wife that me and my mother are telling lies about her.  She is not seeing "withholding his name".  We are spreading lies about her. 

Shortly after my mother got so fed up (not knowing my sister had paid her brother a visit) - that my mother went to talk to her brother.  He said that he knew something was up when my sister came to the house.  Things just didn't add up.  We take him and show him where my sister lives (she's kept her apartment address a 'secret' so no one knows what she is doing).  My uncle sees "withholding his name" vehicle at my sister's apartment.  He visits many more times...and sees the same vehicle at my sister's.  She's not seeing "withholding his name"...but he is at her apartment.

My uncle and his wife are the only one who know that he knows my sister lied.  My sister doesn't know that they know.  Oh how I am waiting for 'karma'.  Oh how I am waiting for her world of lies to fall in on her.

Now my sister is on a campaign to prove that she is the "good child" and I am the evil one. 

It is quite amusing.  I am sad that I have lost family members.  I am hurt and angry.  Trying to deal with all of this has taken years off of me.

Hi Amazedsister**
I am also the problem child in my aunt's eyes - in the eyes of my father and grantmother - they have talked to my aunt perhaps.
I also think my aunt is on a campaign to prove that she is the "good child" and I am the evil one.
I am also sad that I have lost family members. I am also hurt and angry.  In your words, especially it is sad to think about how many years I have spend trying to deal with all of this, as you also describe.

I am against emotional manipulation because it shadow's your outview, openness, and view of your self. I find it necessary to be in no contact with the emotional manipulation and don't understand the familymembers that are blind to see what is going on. - This infact makes the emotional manipulation even more powerfull.

My reaction to this scenario has been: depression, sorrow, anger, more sorrow, more sorrow. The keypoints that have helped med is challenging my focus and confronting the devaluation. Then to find joy in the smallest of thing, whatever it can be. If you cant be with the one you love(your family), love the one you are with. The hurts of it took me about 2 and a half year to beat through, then I could start recovering, really slowly. Just reminding myself about it makes me uncompteble, so I would change the focus to what you can do.