35 years of being sabatoged by husband

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hadenoughcrap

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35 years of being sabatoged by husband
« on: May 01, 2016, 01:09:36 PM »
I don't even know where to begin. I have been manipulated & sabotaged, isolated from any friendships I develop,have cleaned up & covered, stopped getting angry many years ago. Am now in total avoidance mode. My concern is my adult children. I pretty much stay to be a spy for them-he is entwined in their lives & fucking with them. I stay to listen in on the endless bullshit phone calls to hundreds of people over the years, concocting schemes that land the fallout on others. Yes I am trapped. Finances and credit ruined,huge back tax bills,nothing to my name. Just need some validation - every move I make is watched & judged. Every conversation monitored. I have no privacy. Am told everything I think, feel,am is wrong. I could go on-sure I will be posting more in future. Sorry just venting. Hope there are others on here who can relate. Trying to get my identity/sense of self back.

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gettingstronger

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Re: 35 years of being sabatoged by husband
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2016, 02:35:01 PM »
Hello and welcome to OOTF.  I am sorry you are going through a rough time for quite some time.  I am sorry your husband has been critical and controlling of you.  Are you in a safe place right now?  You did not mention any violence but I am concerned for you.  Do you feel like your husband has a personality disorder?  Here is a link to some of the personality disorders.  Disorders.  Please free to read  all of the disorders and see if any of them apply to your husband.

The Chosen Relationships section is the forum for people who are married or partnered to someone with a personality disorder.  In this section you will find people who are in situations who are similar to yours.  Sometimes counseling can also be helpful when we are in difficult relationships and not sure what to do.  Here are some other links that hopefully will be helpful to you in dealing with a personality disordered person.  I wish you well and look forward to seeing you on the boards soon.

http://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/3/the-51-rule
http://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/3/boundaries
http://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/3/medium-chill



Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass...  It's about learning to dance in the rain. - Vivian Greene

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kiwihelen

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Re: 35 years of being sabatoged by husband
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2016, 02:49:36 PM »
In many countries there are ways to get out even with this kind of situation, lacking finances etc.
The first step is to tell your family doctor.

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Bloomie

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Re: 35 years of being sabatoged by husband
« Reply #3 on: May 01, 2016, 09:35:17 PM »
Hi hadenoughcrap - so thankful you have reached out for support here. That is a very long journey to on with someone whose behavior is so oppressive to every area of your life. Take some time and settle in here where you will find a caring community of folks who can relate and who will support you as you share here.

As you mention you have no privacy and you H is hypervigilent be sure to cover you tracks when you come here and protect your visits by clearing your browser history, using privacy mode, just anything to keep your time here safe from prying eyes.

Make full use of the resources at the tabs above where you will find tools, book recommendations, and much more. All of this, plus sharing here can work together to give you a safe haven, just for you, to share and find encouragement.

You don't need to apologize for sharing your experiences and circumstances. We care and we believe you and figure that there is a great deal more than what you have shared that you are dealing with. I hope you find this community as enriching and helpful as I have. Keep coming here and sharing, reading, absorbing, and expressing yourself. It really does break through some of the isolation that can build up around us. I look forward to supporting you and seeing you on the forum boards!
"You can understand and have compassion for someone and still not want a relationship with them."
Amanda E. White, LPC @therapyforwomen

Bloomie 🌸