Friend with borderline personality disorder

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Dr. Pepper

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Re: Friend with borderline personality disorder
« Reply #20 on: May 09, 2016, 05:06:14 PM »
Quote from: Spring Butterfly
Do uPDm and enF know what they're doing is manipulative? I don't believe consciously they're aware. I believe like a drug addict or toddler they know what they want and they want it now and they don't take to the word 'no' very well at all.
I would agree that the manipulation is largely unintentional in my friend with BPD's case also. It is easy to demonize people with personality disorders, but I really don't think they want to make other's lives miserable. I mean, maybe some do, but my experience with my friend has not led me to believe that that is the case with her. At time she does seem very concerned for my happiness and welfare.

Honestly, compared with some other horror stories I've heard about BPD, I think my friend is at heart a good person with a truly awful affliction and a sensible person who becomes overcome by powerful non-rational emotions. Although she has gotten upset with me overly seemingly minor issues which she sees as slights, she has never truly  turned on me as I've heard is common in BPD relationships. We don't fight. I sometimes feel anger over her callousness regarding her own life or health or her stubbornness, but I can't think of a time when she's been intentionally mean to me.

Quote from: hhaw
Pulling a bandaid off slowly, and in dribs and drabs, esp off a very serious wound, is excruciating.

Just yanking it off, and going forward is, for me, a better option.
I apologize for the miscommunication.

Regarding your advice on pulling a bandaid off quickly... here's the thing. My friend has respected every one of my boundaries I have laid so far. In addition to the two conditions I mentioned earlier which she has honoured, I also requested that she not call or text me unless there's an emergency. That was about a month ago and she hasn't called or texted me once since I asked. So far my method is working. Your method may been the right solution in your situation, but I think that for now my method is right one in this situation. If she starts not respecting my communicated boundaries, I may have to rip the bandaid off, but for now the gradual process is working.

Heck, the combination of my three boundaries and my mental turning point in the aftermath of my staying up trying to convince her to go to the hospital have made me feel better in the past two weeks than I've felt in the past six months. I can finally breathe.
« Last Edit: May 09, 2016, 05:10:36 PM by Dr. Pepper »

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Dr. Pepper

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Re: Friend with borderline personality disorder
« Reply #21 on: March 10, 2018, 12:32:11 PM »
Hi guys,

I haven't posted here in quite a while, but I figured I would write to say how my story ended. About a year or so ago, my friend got a boyfriend. It was all very secretive, which I thought was weird because I have been very clear that we are only friends, but in the end she stopped talking to me, stopped responding to my messages, and has entirely cut me out of her life. I haven't talked to her in about a year and it feels longer than that. The day I realized things were over, my initial reaction was anger. I've done so much for you and you just drop out without so much as a goodbye?! This lasted a grand total of one day. The following day I was in a state of bliss. I quickly realized getting angry is stupid. This is the very best case scenario! I didn't have to cut her out of my life and experience the guilt I feared would follow if she killed herself afterwards. She cut herself out! I'm free! I was trying to return our friendship to a normal and healthy state, but honestly if she doesn't want to be friends with me, that's even better!

So, like I said, it's been a year and I've been doing great. I've had some healing to do, but I've been living a good healthy life with goals, dreams etc. I've come out of this wiser and stronger and I don't think it's done any lasting damage. It's actually been my closest equivalent to a near death experience that I've had. I've lived for a time where it looked like I didn't have a future, so now that I suddenly have one again, I had better not squander it. Even though, it's been a year, can still look back to the way our "friendship" ended and feel a taste of that bliss. What a narrow, narrow shave I had.

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Bloomie

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Re: Friend with borderline personality disorder
« Reply #22 on: March 10, 2018, 11:08:33 PM »
Hi Dr. Pepper! Welcome back. Very interesting update. Thankful you only grieved for about a day and that you were able to realize that this was a way out of a troubling relationship for you.