LC-NC the Facebook block

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Candywarhol

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LC-NC the Facebook block
« on: May 02, 2016, 04:50:23 AM »
I just blocked my sister on FB. I meant to unfollow so that I don't see the photos she's posting of herself and my other sister.
I must admit that I had hoped going NC would bring about a change of behaviour/some sort of realisation that their triangulation is wrong, but it's just left me more and more isolated. It's now been 10 months since I've spoken personally to one sister and 8 months with the other.
My mother just told me a few weeks ago that "the situation" was awful for herself and my dad and that she always went back to her aggressive sister and tried to make up and moreover, what if her or my dad were to die, what are they leaving behind!(?). I'm not going to be put in a position where I'm being strong-armed into contacting them!
However, by now I'm isolated from my three siblings and my nieces and nephews. It's horrible and I never would have thought they'd be so cruel!
I thought I was done with getting this upset with this situation but it's just come back and bit me on the A**.
Sorry for rambling. I just don't know what to do

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Bloomie

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Re: LC-NC the Facebook block
« Reply #1 on: May 02, 2016, 01:43:10 PM »
Candy - it sounds like blocking and not seeing what your sister's are up to as a constant reminder was a very wise step. I have a uBPDsibling that went NC with my family, but not with the rest of my siblings and extended family and I am far better off not bearing witness to his life.

Early on, I tried to approach him and talk things through. He was aggressively uninterested. Violent and extremely hostile. He vowed to never speak to me again and I respect his choice. I've never tried again and realize it is not emotionally or physically safe for me to do so.

If it helps at all - in time - while it still stings, sadly I do not really miss his behaviors and the barrage of PDness that he brought to my life. I still love him and only want the best for his life, but I would not ever reengage in the same kind of relationship we once had -where I gave and he took and then he took some more, and then he took again. Where his violent and raging outbursts threatened everything and everyone in his path and he was entitled to them.

Your parents may have made different choices in their own sibling relationships - but, they have not lived through what you have with your sisters and you have had to make the choice that is best and right for you. I get that this is a disappointment for them - that their children are not in contact - but strong arming you into contact by the guilt inducing what if we die comments, is not fair to you.

It has taken me awhile to find a place of acceptance and peace in this NC sitch with my sibling. Grieving is normal and necessary. It is truly horrible and very sad and I am so sorry you are facing this right now.

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Candywarhol

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Re: LC-NC the Facebook block
« Reply #2 on: May 03, 2016, 01:11:03 PM »
Thanks so much for taking the time to reply, Bloomie.
I agree with all that you wrote yet there's a gap between what I know rationally and what I feel on a deeper level. Coming to deeply accept what I know to be true is a big challenge at the moment.
I keep going back to, "What if I had not gone LC-NC, What if I am too sensitive?" and feeling like a loser cos they're all in contact with one another and I'm the odd one out, ergo, it must be me.
I know that scapegoating, gaslighting and designating a black sheep is all "normal" in dysfunctional families but still get bogged down in self-doubt.
All that added to the fact that I still can't believe how cruel these people are! I would never have thought it possible that our relationships would deteriorate this far or perhaps it's that what looked great on the surface was full of holes all along.
Who knows. I really need to work on not taking their stuff so personally - even though I'm sure a lot of it meant to provoke :(

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Bloomie

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Re: LC-NC the Facebook block
« Reply #3 on: May 03, 2016, 01:18:58 PM »
The longest distance in the world is the 18" from our heart to our head. It really is tough to know and feel congruently when faced with such difficult realizations and loss about people we love and care for so dearly. You are not alone in this. Rebuilding our lives in many ways is what we are faced with when we step away from those who continue to hurt and harm us. It is a very lonely and a sentinel moment in time. It really does get better, but we have to go through this painful season before it does. My heart is with you!

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Candywarhol

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Re: LC-NC the Facebook block
« Reply #4 on: May 03, 2016, 01:46:01 PM »
Thanks again, Bloomie
"The longest distance in the world is the 18" from our heart to our head"
I love that <3 <<3

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Bloomie

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Re: LC-NC the Facebook block
« Reply #5 on: May 03, 2016, 03:16:27 PM »
Isn't that so good? I just love it too. Not original to me by any means, and I am unsure who said it first, but something I learned on my healing journey. :hug:

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Candywarhol

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Re: LC-NC the Facebook block
« Reply #6 on: May 03, 2016, 07:37:30 PM »
Thanks again, Bloomie.
A friend just suggested to me that maybe I blocked my sister because my subconscious wanted that…

Hmmm...