Struggling (new-ish)

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Findingstrength729

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Struggling (new-ish)
« on: May 06, 2016, 11:40:13 AM »
Usually I post about unchosen PD relationship, but now have a toxic work environment.   

Long story short: I have to give a notice.   I've previously been happy and able to deal with toxic admin.  I rarely see them, so I can do my thing.   That changed this week (won't go into details).   I'm not allowed to stand up for myself against a coworker, an equal, a golden child. 

My notice is typed up, but I know my position will be difficult to fill.  I'm sure it will be a great shock as I've said all is fine or good when asked. It's not, but I know nothing will change.   I'm trying to brainstorm options of what to say when asked "how can we keep you" or "why are you leaving/what's going on..." Type questions.  I feel like I need to say "it's not you, it's me."   When that's not the truth.  Mostly I'm afraid of retaliation.  A bad reference, making my life hell til the last day, etc.  I feel I need to get out ASAP, and even tempted to not give a notice.

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almostthere

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Re: Struggling (new-ish)
« Reply #1 on: May 06, 2016, 05:04:24 PM »
It's awful when trying to get out of a toxic work environment.  Mostly it's out of your hands and will not change until a top dog notices and has the power to do something.

Can you say something generic such as "I'm ready for new opportunities to learn and grow" or "I'm looking to develop new skills"?  It's the workplace It's not you, it's me. 

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Bloomie

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Re: Struggling (new-ish)
« Reply #2 on: May 06, 2016, 06:31:19 PM »
What a sad turn of events for you. I am really sorry. I would suggest that whatever you do and say, be sure to not open yourself up to regrets later on. If you are 100% set on leaving, then saying your are seeking other opportunities, have appreciated the opportunity to learn and grow there, and thanking them for their interest is enough. And repeat...when pushed to stay. And you most likely are a valued employee who they will not want to lose.

Good luck with this. Wise to know when it is time to leave instead of staying and running your head into the brick wall of a manager's protection and favoring of an abusive coworker.

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Findingstrength729

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Re: Struggling (new-ish)
« Reply #3 on: May 06, 2016, 07:44:25 PM »
I really need to practice medium chill more.   I go straight into flight or fight mode. Obviously, that isn't ideal.

I set a boundry and its immediately rejected.   I stand firm, and today I did walk out at my scheduled time to leave (they assumed I could work late). 

I think I've worked through several possible situations to where I can say "it's me, not you" to still maintain composure.   

Several situations to management have been extremely triggering and flash backs with PD.   

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Findingstrength729

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Re: Struggling (new-ish)
« Reply #4 on: June 08, 2016, 09:13:28 AM »
I never updated.   I have my notice and have been gone two weeks.   I'm so happy.  It was much easier then I thought, although they did try to make my life a living hell.  I tried not to let it show. 

I'm a little unsettled as to how to address the future job positions- I'm homeschooling my youngest child who has special needs.  But this company likes to bad mouth people, even though they can't say anything specific, they can say a lot by tone and other ways.   They will tell people I wasn't up to their standards and wasn't willing to do the right thing, and so much more that isn't true. 

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leapsand bounds

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Re: Struggling (new-ish)
« Reply #5 on: June 08, 2016, 04:41:54 PM »
The following is taken from advice for people in a similar situation to yours.  It comes from 'the Workplace Bullying Institiute' . Link below.

All the best.

"We recommend listing people you trust as references. If your immediate supervisor doesn’t fit that description, you might consider a colleague or supervisor at your same level. If there are no other choices, request a referral from someone higher up who can speak to your work performance. Also consider asking customers with whom you have a good relationship to give a recommendation, since they know the quality of your work.

A good way to determine what your former employer is saying about you is to use the services of a job reference-checking firm.

 A professional reference check is conducted by a third party on behalf of a client wishing to determine what a former employer will say about them to a prospective new employer. It typically focuses on such questions related to the client’s performance, eligibility for re-hire, strengths and weaknesses, etc.

http://www.workplacebullying.org/individuals/solutions/finding-a-job/

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Findingstrength729

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Re: Struggling (new-ish)
« Reply #6 on: June 13, 2016, 03:59:44 PM »
Thanks for the link!   I actually really enjoyed the questions to ask a future employer, specifically "how do you create a respectful workplace" and "how long was the last person in the positions and why did they leave." 

I realized today (through good ol Facebook) that the company was trying to make my life miserable so I'd quit, since they had no basis to fire me.   they had already offered my position to someone else, before I even gave my notice.