ever fall into a trap again

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ever fall into a trap again
« on: May 12, 2016, 11:55:16 PM »
            Long story short the urge to call or visit someone I am either LC or NC happens every so often.I realized this when H was on a business trip and I am BORED.  I get bored easily since I did have front row seat  to dysfunction drama theater for years and years.
 I know there are plenty of things I could do............... things that I have put off but being bored  and my nearest friend in a possible PD and I am fighting the urge to call her.  I also have moments where a nagging thought keeps coming up  one of my older siblings just recently had a birthday most years I never even think about it this year it was like I cannot forget it.  it is not a milestone birthday either.  I guess I will just try to fight the thought of picking up the phone  until the feeling passes.    I have watched too much tv and taken long walks.
any suggestions to get these thoughts to pass?



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Re: ever fall into a trap again
« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2016, 12:59:02 AM »
A list of the most painful memories is helpful.  I keep mine handy.  It works, usually.   Then again, usually any interaction I have with him has also reminded me of my reasons.  Lol.

I try to imagine the most ridiculous photos he's posted or actions he's taken (see the other post on "Saw a Pic of the Ex Today" posted recently. ) Recalling how my ex posted a fake pic of someone else's body and tried to pass it off as his own, just makes me see him as downright pathetic.

This forum.  I'm here on it now, b/c I'm lonely and resisting the urge to call him up, b/c even though he's toxic and ridiculous, I know he'd hold me right now.   :-\



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Re: ever fall into a trap again
« Reply #2 on: May 13, 2016, 01:10:43 AM »
Thanks for your reply.
 I guess I should keep a list of items for siblings it was mostly flying monkey kinds of things. There were some awful things said I guess I can remember those.
The mental list of baggage from friend has kept me from calling her.  I guess it has just been a long time and I have no way to get any updates on my older siblings as they  are not on social media we have no mutual friends so it is probably just curiosity. 
 My younger sibling posts absolutely ridiculous stuff on social media and that reminds me of what a hot mess she is.



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Re: ever fall into a trap again
« Reply #3 on: May 13, 2016, 10:51:03 AM »
When i find myself ruminating on one of the pwPD in my life, I write down whatever I'm thinking,  either in letter or diary form. I limit the time I take to do it (I'm down to five minutes, but I used to take as much time as I needed), and if the thoughts return afterward, I tell myself, "Yes, x y or z is/was very painful/abusive/dismissive [validating my feelings], and I'm glad I took the time to write about it. Now I want to move onto a b or c, because I've given x y or z enough time and attention for today [mindfully returning to the present and applying the 51% rule]."

Stopping ruminations gets easier with practice. That's why I now set a time limit. My goal is to be able to recognize the intrusive thoughts, validate my own feelings, and move on to self care without having to write at all, which I CAN do with some things now, it's the pervasive thoughts about particularly painful events/people that still require the written exercises.

Hope this helps. Big hugs to you.
You may write me down in history 
With your bitter, twisted lies, 
You may tread me in the very dirt 
But still, like dust, I'll rise. 
                                 - Maya Angelou



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Re: ever fall into a trap again
« Reply #4 on: May 13, 2016, 12:27:31 PM »
This used to happen to me, too.

I wonder if a lot of it is some sort of deep rooted desire to make things right.  I kept doing this trying to figure out how to fix the problem.  I was blaming myself.

I kept ruminating about things because I think I thought that it would finally come to me what I had done wrong.  If I just thought about it enough times, it would all become clear.  That never happened and I drove myself crazy rehashing everything.

Once I figured out that the reason I couldn't figure out what I had done wrong was because I hadn't done anything wrong, I was able to stop those intrusive thoughts.

I took up crocheting.  It takes some concentration to count stitches and which kind of stitch to put where.  IOW it occupies my mind and keeps me from drifting off into one of those rumination-fests.  I find it very therapeutic.  And I've made some great stuff!

Peek not through the keyhole lest ye be vexed. - Stephen King

Response to a Flying Monkey:  Apparently you are suffering under the delusion that I give a damn.