• 22 Replies


  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • 88
Re: Hoovering?
« Reply #20 on: June 22, 2016, 07:07:09 PM »
Thanks for your input, Mimi.
I'm sorry about your dog! That truly is the worst part about having animals. :big hug:

As mentioned in other posts, I don't live in the same country as my FOO. I went back there last week for a few days,
told both my sisters I'd be there, one feigned trying to fit me in to her busy schedule, the other just said "safe travels".
To be honest I didn't expect that they would make time for me and was relieved at not having to see them.
I stayed with my parents and made a point of telling my mother form the get-go that I'd contacted them, what the outcome was and that I wouldn't be making any advances toward them ever again in the future.
My mother can be manipulative and doesn't really want to know about my hurt, she just wants harmony at any price, well, not at my cost anymore!
This is why it was important to me to set the status quo with her and throw down a nice fat boundary while I was at it.
The conversation was calm, friendly and short and for the first time in my life I felt heard by her.
I also told her that I would be remaining in contact with her sister with whom she's feuding at the moment, making it clear that I can disapprove of some of my aunt's behaviours but not cut her off completely and that this wasn't a sign of disloyalty to my mother, I've just had enough of the fraction-building and side-taking ...
My point is that after that, I'm now slowly moving into spectator mode. Observe don't absorb. I never thought I'd find myself just interested as if I were watching a TV show.
I hope this feeling lasts, cos it's great!

Thanks again to all of you for your support and insightful posts.
I'm amazed at the number of highly intelligent, eloquent warm-hearted people on these boards. So glad I found this site!



  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 1656
Re: Hoovering?
« Reply #21 on: June 23, 2016, 06:23:54 PM »
The first thing i thought was "how did she find out your cat had died".

Did you post it on FB?  Then decide if you want to remain "friends".  Or decide after a "thanks" if you want to continue the conversation.

Did you tell another family member? Then decide how much you want to tell them. Or if you can ask them not to pass on info. If not, then decide what to tell them.
Just because they are incapable of loving you, doesn't mean that you are unlovable.
Anything makes the false self appear real is supply.



  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • 88
Re: Hoovering?
« Reply #22 on: June 24, 2016, 02:50:21 AM »
Thank you, Bopper but I think you misunderstand me.
My issue was not with the fact that she got in contact or knew about my cat.
I was trying to make sense of what the contact might mean.
That chapter is closed, as I now know.