Words of Comfort?

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raven108

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Words of Comfort?
« on: May 21, 2016, 11:53:06 PM »
Hi there non-PD Dads,

My boyfriend is currently going through a bitter custody battle with his NBPstbXW. He moved out to escape her abuse, but he's still paying the mortgage. That means when he visits his kids, she is there. At this point, he has no legal means to compel her to be away from them during visitation.

Her cruelty, humiliating words, and alienation is indescribable. I'm sure many of you on this board know your own version firsthand. I can't believe a human would say these things. The worst part is that he's such a good, caring, loving man, fighting so hard to provide for his kids, more than they'll ever know. He's still quite early in the process, so official legal recourse is going to be some time coming.

There's times when it's good to support him and strategize and take action; he is working his ass off. That is no small feat given that he's essentially homeless, battling four court cases around her antics and this situation, facing the barrage of her cruelty every day, watching his children being alienated from him, and he has some weird illness that we don't quite understand. 

But then there's times when I can tell the pain is just too much, and talking about action is not the right thing to do. He needs empathy in those moments.

Knowing that many of you have gone through this, can you please help me learn the best ways to support him from your experiences? What do you wish you could hear in those moments when you feel like it's all too much? What would be comforting for you to hear? What do you hate hearing?

Thanks much. If you pray or talk to a god of your unique understanding, please put in a good word for my man. He's hurting and we'll take whatever goodness we can get.

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Broken101

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Re: Words of Comfort?
« Reply #1 on: May 28, 2016, 01:38:57 PM »
What do you wish you could hear in those moments when you feel like it's all too much?
It sounds like you are already doing everything that you can do to support him. Just keep reminding him that what he is going through is a horrible and that no one should experience what he is: her cruelty and humiliation.

Can you please help me learn the best ways to support him from your experiences?
I don't know all the specifics of your boyfriend's situation, but it sounds as if his ex is harassing him while he is exercising his parenting time. If legal in your state (i.e. does your state have a "one-party consent" law?) then I suggest that he start recording her "humiliating words". Make sure that the recording are high quality, and then perhaps he could take the recordings (A) to the police and file a report and (B) to the courts and file for Domestic Violence Protection. From your description, this is what he is experiencing: Domestic Violence. It sounds like he needs a restraining order in order to visit his kids without be harassed.