therapy - what are your experiences with therapy?

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hope2016

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therapy - what are your experiences with therapy?
« on: May 22, 2016, 03:52:05 PM »
Just started therapy. What are your experiences with therapy?

I feel I am overqualified because I have read so much about the subject of dysfunctional relations. Or that my therapist schold be more clever around the subject of N Personality Disorder.




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gary

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Re: therapy - what are your experiences with therapy?
« Reply #1 on: May 23, 2016, 04:10:26 AM »
Just started therapy. What are your experiences with therapy?

I feel I am overqualified because I have read so much about the subject of dysfunctional relations. Or that my therapist schold be more clever around the subject of N Personality Disorder.

Hi hope2016

 After I found a good one it was great and I feel the only way to wellness.

Quote
Or that my therapist schold be more clever around the subject of N Personality Disorder.

A lot of people feel that their therapist needs to be very schooled in the personality disorder that the other person has. Most will have some knowledge and some more than others but they are not treating that person.They are treating us and for that job they need to be very schooled on "nons"....we aren't the ones with the disorder the other person has. ;)
" A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because its trust is not on the branch but on its own wings.

Believe in yourself ".


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guitarman

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Re: therapy - what are your experiences with therapy?
« Reply #2 on: May 23, 2016, 04:45:47 AM »
Hello hope2016.

I saw a mental health carers support worker for 18 months. I saw them for an hour every two weeks. They were available most of the time on the phone as well, only during office hours. She referred to my uBPD/uNPD sister's condition as "mood swings". I don't think she was qualified to make an official diagnosis and never mentioned anything about personality disorders. She worked for the local CMHT Community Mental Health Team.

She was very good. After that came to an end she referred me to a psychiatrist because of all the problems I was having coping with my sister's extreme behaviour that was affecting my own mental health. I was also on Prozac/Fluoxetine which I stayed on for three years. I saw my GP every two months to get a repeat prescription.

I saw the psychiatrist for a few sessions. He was the one who mentioned that my sister's condition sounded like borderline personality disorder which I had never heard of before. The psychiatrist diagnosed me as having "visual ideation" I was seeing or imagining things because of all the stress I was under coping with my sister's frequent suicidal threats and extreme emotional outbursts.

When the sessions came to an end I realised that I still needed support and I found the courage to go to my local carers group, a charity helping carers. I went to their regular monthly mental health carers group meetings. I met some amazing people. I continue going to that group and found other mental health groups to go to each month as I realise that I need regular support especially during a crisis.

I'm telling you all this just to let you know that it's OK to talk about your experiences to people who do understand and it's OK to trust them. Hopefully you'll find a therapist who knows about personality disorders and how best to cope. Some have spent their professional lifetime working in the field. It may take some time before you find the right support for you.

I care but can't cope and still regularly attend mental health carers groups whenever I can. I have met some exceptional people whom I'm pleased to say are now my friends. We share so much together and are there to support each other through the most extreme times that any human being could ever go through.

I hope you find the support that you need. It's good to talk.

Best wishes.
« Last Edit: May 23, 2016, 04:51:09 AM by guitarman »
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SpringLight

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Re: therapy - what are your experiences with therapy?
« Reply #3 on: May 23, 2016, 03:05:58 PM »
Hello, Hope2016:

This is an excellent question! I would love to hear how others have been able to find a therapist skilled in dealing with PD's.

I've had a lot of therapy through the years, mainly for major, crippling depression and anxiety.
But, I have NEVER discussed or even used the terms of PS, much less the implications of BPD and N and the deleterious effect that PD's have had on my life.

I've had no therapy of any kind in many years.  But, now I could really use the support/insights on these PD issues in the family. But, as you, Hope, have mentioned...I don't want to be more educated and more prepared than my own therapist.  :sadno: I don't want to feel as though I have to do the "educating."  Or pointing out why his/her flawed analysis of the relationship doesn't work, because he/she isn't familiar with PD.

I can look back at a myriad of my experiences in therapy I've had, ranging from superb to well, dare I say awful/destructive.  Yes, I know there are some therapists who are simply "a bad fit." But there ARE also some odd/unprepared/time-wasting/disturbed/PD therapists out there.  :aaauuugh:

Looking back on my short-lived (2-6 visits or so, max) with some of these BAD therapy experiences, I've run into a few N therapists. Thank God, I had the good sense to move on!  And, even in my unenlightened days about FOG and PD's, I knew something was very wrong with these therapists!

I RELUCTANTLY had to terminate therapy TWICE when two outstanding (my favorite) therapists moved/retired..  :( A third very good therapist was excellent, but I had to pay out of pocket for this person and I would have gone bankrupt before I finished the work I needed to do.

I've seen the range of good, bad, very bad and nice but ineffective therapists.   Many years ago, one of my excellent therapists had to move from the area. When that happened, I remember being so fragile and devastated. I sought recommendations and "someone" at the office mentioned I should continue therapy with an unknown psychologist-colleague who "was taking some of Excellent Therapist's patient load."  What a mistake that was!

This psychologist was so awful in so many ways. Not only was he a cold fish, but, he adamently refused to acknowledge my feelings of grief over losing my prior excellent therapist. That was not something HE did NOT wanted to discuss, and said so, from the very first session!  :sad2:

In the course of 2-3 visits, he revealed himself to be an utter #$%^#.  Not only a lying N, but now I think, he may have been a con artist of sorts. I caught him in a shocking, boldface lie about his accomplishments.  This was no white lie, this was serious and sociopathic-sounding, really.

When I revealed to this Incompetent Psych that I had been having problems with a colleague at work, (who I happened to mention was not and could not secretly be romantically interested in me because he was gay), this psych. launches into his wacky, unfounded in reality, anti-gay theory about gay men.  In his words: "First of all, it's a known fact that gay men are women haters." :aaauuugh: :aaauuugh:

I'm not gay, but that comment was a deal-breaker for me. I never went back to this disturbed and disturbing psychologist.

But, I'm much older (and in some respects, I'd like to think...wiser). I don't want to feel that I can get more help and support from the Internet, than from the personalized therapy that I pay for.

So...like Hope, I want to know, how to discern a qualified PD-educated therapist--in the first 1-2 visits?  Given insurance restrictions, and lack of funds, I can't necessarily go to just anyone...

What are the questions to ask a therapist on the phone/on the first and second visit to insure the person has the education and experience. I don't want to simply ask this question, because, in my experience, a  typical T would be reluctant to admit lack of experience/knowledge about such a matter.

And, I want to reiterate. I, for one, have therapy experience, but no therapy experience discussing PD's.

I welcome any and all help and feedback.  Thanks!







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alonenow

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Re: therapy - what are your experiences with therapy?
« Reply #4 on: May 23, 2016, 04:20:41 PM »
            Honestly, I have not had a good time finding the correct therapists. I literally hate shopping for anything and it is expensive and some times not  possible to weed out inappropriate fits.
How many times must I tell my story...... then wait a couple of sessions to see if they were close to really listening with open ears and yet be challenging so I can grow.  Between finding someone available on my schedule,  in my area and compatible was becoming a full time job just to talk to someone so I turned to reading and journaling as well as this forum.

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julesii

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Re: therapy - what are your experiences with therapy?
« Reply #5 on: May 24, 2016, 04:12:28 PM »
I found a therapist who was able to talk to me about my NPD Brother and Mom, and she has always been careful not to just label them  NPD (because she's never evaluated them), we work on the assumption that they are based on their behaviors. I find that to be most professional of her.

I saw another therapist who HAD seen my brother and Mom , and he was completely oblivious to my mother/brother's shenanigans, in part, I think, because of the fact that my NPD is a master manipulator and can twist anything to his/her favor.  I had another who was clueless about NPD and wanted to just encourage me to go back for more because somehow their being "family" somehow meant that their abuse was acceptable.  She seriously said "But she's your mother!"  ::)

I am careful to shop for service providers of any kind, from therapists to hair stylists...you HAVE to keep looking if you want to find the right fit for you, and what works for one person may not work for you.  My current therapist is amazingly helpful because she knows her role is to help me deal with this person, and to find comfort in my own life with my own decisions and actions. While it is a pain to shop around, it is worth every effort.

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sonofanarc

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Re: therapy - what are your experiences with therapy?
« Reply #6 on: May 27, 2016, 04:41:27 AM »
When i trained to be a psychotherapist, we had half a lecture (30 mins) on PD's over the course of 5 years. Little attention was given to attachment disorders which is where I believe most PD's start. I sensed the founder/owner of the college was little aware of his own narcissism. Also just one lecture on addictions which is so common in our workload. I came away after graduating cynical about the training of our profession. 

It took me many goes to find a decent therapist that could stand up to my own manipulation and narcissism.  I saw her weekly for 7 years. If you can find a good therapist then great, my advice shop around, ask questions. There are some good articles on the web about how to find/interview for a therapist. I like it when a potential client comes in armed with questions about me and the work i've done on myself. Therapists that hide behind their qualifications to not disclose anything of themselves should be avoided IMHO but disclosure should only be appropriate to the situation and never for the benefit of the therapist.
Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. - C.G. Jung

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guitarman

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Re: therapy - what are your experiences with therapy?
« Reply #7 on: May 27, 2016, 07:18:16 AM »
I came across this site if you are trying to find a therapist

Good Therapy www.goodtherapy.org

Noah Rubinstein, a therapist himself, founded GoodTherapy.org in 2007 "to provide the general public with a trusted, informative, and ethical mental health resource and to connect people seeking therapy with the right therapist."

There is a video on YouTube by him explaining why he founded the site

https://youtu.be/IuD8tTSMlXc

I hope this is helpful for anyone trying to find a therapist in USA.

Best wishes.

"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author

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SpringLight

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Re: therapy - what are your experiences with therapy?
« Reply #8 on: May 27, 2016, 07:04:51 PM »
Hi, sonofanarc

You wrote:
"I like it when a potential client comes in armed with questions about me and the work i've done on myself."


Fascinating! I have always been overly deferential to past therapists I have worked with. Most (all?) of them behaved like a blank slate, and did not reveal anything about themselves.  And I, of course didn't even dream of asking.  :doh:

How, in your opinion, is the best way to ask "what work have you done on yourself?"  And if the therapist hems and haws, or refuses to answer, is that a deal-breaker?

Is this a question I could ask on the phone, or is it best to wait until the first face-to-face meeting?

What questions about a potential therapists do YOU think would help me (or anyone on this forum) determine  if it's likely ( or not) to be a good client-therapist fit?   

Thanks in advance!

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Shockwave

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Re: therapy - what are your experiences with therapy?
« Reply #9 on: May 27, 2016, 10:29:57 PM »
My therapist came referred to me by my Office Manager @ work.

She's a great one, trained in dealing with Personality Disorders, I found out. She initially thought I had one, but found out it was just the fleas talking (most PD-people, she states, usually don't have any level of awareness and abhor sticking with treatment for very long). I wouldn't have made the changes I did without it. It's been a blessing, but to be fair, I've done a great deal of work on my own and this has got me over several humps that would have taken much longer by myself.
"Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him. Because he can take it. Because he's not a hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A Dark Knight."
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sonofanarc

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Re: therapy - what are your experiences with therapy?
« Reply #10 on: May 28, 2016, 03:56:14 AM »

How, in your opinion, is the best way to ask "what work have you done on yourself?"  And if the therapist hems and haws, or refuses to answer, is that a deal-breaker?

Is this a question I could ask on the phone, or is it best to wait until the first face-to-face meeting?

What questions about a potential therapists do YOU think would help me (or anyone on this forum) determine  if it's likely ( or not) to be a good client-therapist fit?   

Thanks in advance!

You can ask these questions on the phone. I prefer face to face and it may be you have to pay for this exploratory session.

For starters i would ask how much personal one to one therapy they have had themselves. Whilst in itself this is not an indicator of a good therapist, it at least means there is a chance the therapist has a degree of self awareness and is conscious of when they are bringing their own material into the relationship with the client.   In many countries, psychiatrists and psychologists have done very little personal therapy, in some cases ZERO hours. How can they work with clients and not project their own material?  In my business, I employ psychotherapists and here in the UK I was surprised at the variation i got when i ask this question. Don't let a therapist fool you into thinking supervision hours are the same as personal therapy - thye are not.  In my own training, we had to have a minimum of 160 hours. Again this is good but IMHO no where near enough to know thyself.  Ive done about 500 hours (IC, group therapy and MC) and still have more work to do, there is always more work to do.   We were told when training that the best therapists are those that have had around 10 years of therapy and have worked with both a male therapist , female therapist and group therapy.

If the therapist hems and haws, for me its a deal breaker, but then again, i need a therapist that has done more work than me and is more conscious than me. A therapist can only take us as far as they have travelled. 

As for best fit, i think its like finding a romantic partner, so much of its intangible. Some people we click with and some we dont. For me, i think one of the biggest questions is do i feel comfortable with this person? can i trust them? Trust is so important and if im telling them my innermost fears, secrets i need to feel i can trust them.  the relationship and the safe container built between client and therapist are two of the most important things of the process.

One good question to ask is related to what we struggle with on this forum is going NC with our FOO's. I sense many therapists dont think this is a good idea so i would ask the question. How does the therapist feel about me breaking away from my dysfunctional FOO? Is the therapist still enmeshed with their own FOO?, trying to win mummy and daddy's approval?  Many are. Ask the therapist about their own relationship with their own FOO.  You can ask whatever questions you want and i would like 100% honesty from my therapist if its going to help me in my own work.

And dont think the best therapists are the most expensive. Money gets in the way of the relationship. I dont have answers for this one except to make it conscious and talk it through with the client if necessary. 

I like Daniel Mackler's work in this area, he is outspoken about psychotherapists and psychotherapy  (he is one himself) and he's produced a useful video here that i think is worth watching.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2-p4A7Bl6s . He covers how to find a therapist in the video.  His book on breaking away from parents is also an excellent read.  I have no relationship with him, just think he talks a lot of sense on many things (not all) and is brave enough to put himself out there.

Ultimately, i think its hit or miss. I went through 3 therapist before finding the therapist that helped me the most.





Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. - C.G. Jung

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Mapleleaf14

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Re: therapy - what are your experiences with therapy?
« Reply #11 on: May 28, 2016, 04:30:19 AM »
I went to one for about 12 months. She had little patience for my over analysis of my PDs and had some weird beliefs about dreams and your ability to do things in your dreams to help you make progress in life. Regardless, she ultimately helped me understand that there is nothing wrong with me and that I was dealing with dysfunction in my life.  She supported my NC decision and helped me through the social anxiety of starting a new job after being chewed up and spit out by my NPD boss/uncle.  She did not delve into my childhood as much as I think she should have or that other therapists do.

While I do wish that I had chosen one who had more patience and ability to help me through the NPD/BPD of my relatives, she did offer me someone to talk to because I often exhausted those around me by talking about the PD so much.

Ultimately, I stayed with her because I didn't want to have to explain my complicated situation to someone else and I was a bit lazy in finding a new one. I was quite shocked when she told me I no longer needed to come and it was almost like ripping off a bandaid. I had become dependent on it.

I am thinking of finding a new one and picking back up because I want to deal with other issues in my life and coming Out of the FOG is an ongoing challenge.

Therapy is very, very important in your journey Out of the FOG.
« Last Edit: May 28, 2016, 04:32:30 AM by Mapleleaf14 »

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hope2016

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Re: therapy - what are your experiences with therapy?
« Reply #12 on: May 28, 2016, 07:10:17 AM »
Hi:0) I believe the best thing is to find someone whom really "gets you", my therapist is fine and seems a little impatience, like yours. Perhaps this can be a good thing, in the form of pushing one forward, but like you I really believe that the patience was missing to some extend.
I also felt like I was giving  more or that she was less giving than I had expected. And because I have trust issues, these things it results in the fact that I dint have enough trust in her and her work to be helped by her.

I want to be taken seriously, and she didn't, i felt.
What did work, was the function of "parking ones emotions and issues" in the therapy and be able to let go a little more of the heavy weight of it. This is of cause a extremely good thing. And extremely important. I know. So this I am thankfull for and hope will continue.

But I think I would prefer a therapist who really gets the situation.
The relief you get when you are talking to a therapist can perhaps move you in a right direction, it is just that if you really want to work with deep issues, rooted in a serious history, past, family, you scold do this with a person who know a lot about it and really can level with you.


I went to one for about 12 months. She had little patience for my over analysis of my PDs and had some weird beliefs about dreams and your ability to do things in your dreams to help you make progress in life. Regardless, she ultimately helped me understand that there is nothing wrong with me and that I was dealing with dysfunction in my life.  She supported my NC decision and helped me through the social anxiety of starting a new job after being chewed up and spit out by my NPD boss/uncle.  She did not delve into my childhood as much as I think she should have or that other therapists do.

While I do wish that I had chosen one who had more patience and ability to help me through the NPD/BPD of my relatives, she did offer me someone to talk to because I often exhausted those around me by talking about the PD so much.

Ultimately, I stayed with her because I didn't want to have to explain my complicated situation to someone else and I was a bit lazy in finding a new one. I was quite shocked when she told me I no longer needed to come and it was almost like ripping off a bandaid. I had become dependent on it.

I am thinking of finding a new one and picking back up because I want to deal with other issues in my life and coming Out of the FOG is an ongoing challenge.

Therapy is very, very important in your journey Out of the FOG.

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BettyGray

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Re: therapy - what are your experiences with therapy?
« Reply #13 on: May 29, 2016, 09:51:04 AM »

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NewFreedom

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Re: therapy - what are your experiences with therapy?
« Reply #14 on: June 10, 2016, 03:57:21 PM »
Hi there,

My suggestion would be to ask a lot of questions before you start seeing someone. Know the differences between qualifications as well. For example- LSW (Licensed social worker), they're probably not going to know much about PD's. LCPC's (Licensed clinical professional counselor) may know more, but also look at their education if possible (M.S.Ed, MA/MS (clinical psychology), PhD, etc.) Someone with an M.S.Ed is trained in counseling, while an MA/MS is trained in clinical psychology (mostly research-based).

I'm not aware of any certificates or special trainings for PD's, but I would ask your potential counselor about their focus and background. I found mine, who has experience in domestic abuse, substance abuse, and also has his own family history of PD's. We have a lot to talk about and he offers a lot of new information for me. I needed someone challenging because I am studying counseling myself! I'm getting my M.S.Ed in Counseling. I can't say the counseling program focuses a lot on PD's, but we certainly learn about them and I have done a lot of personal education as well, since I have direct family experience.

Anyway, my point is that it's hard to find the right fit, so feel free to ask them about themselves! I went through 3 before I found my guy.

Best of luck to you

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Foreignwoman

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Re: therapy - what are your experiences with therapy?
« Reply #15 on: June 14, 2016, 01:12:46 PM »
My experience is that therapists or psychiatrists (P) are very different from each other. For instance, my former P wanted me to cry all the time, because she felt she had to break my walls down.

Right. So I cried. Until I received a huge bill while she convinced me before that my insurance would take care of that. So that was the end of that therapy.

The next one wanted me never to cry, ever, the total opposite. She said she hated weak people.

?

She talked a lot about herself. Too much. I felt I had to take care of her a lot. I was afraid of her anger.

A week ago I quit therapy because she keeps saying hurtful things.

Now I am looking for something in between. If I can find the courage to shop again that is. Because it's not easy.

FW
« Last Edit: June 14, 2016, 01:16:19 PM by Foreignwoman »
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NewFreedom

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Re: therapy - what are your experiences with therapy?
« Reply #16 on: August 07, 2016, 01:02:29 PM »
My experience is that therapists or psychiatrists (P) are very different from each other. For instance, my former P wanted me to cry all the time, because she felt she had to break my walls down.

Right. So I cried. Until I received a huge bill while she convinced me before that my insurance would take care of that. So that was the end of that therapy.

The next one wanted me never to cry, ever, the total opposite. She said she hated weak people.

?

She talked a lot about herself. Too much. I felt I had to take care of her a lot. I was afraid of her anger.

A week ago I quit therapy because she keeps saying hurtful things.

Now I am looking for something in between. If I can find the courage to shop again that is. Because it's not easy.

FW

Foreignwoman, I am SO sorry that you've had such terrible experiences with therapy. I am a counselor in training right now, and it horrifies me to hear about some of those things. Like you said, it's important to understand what "kind" of therapist the person is. Psychiatrists usually ascribe to a "medical model" of psychotherapy and often push medication as the only fix-all. Psychologists are a little better, but are still trained on the medical model. Therefore, they *often* rely more on diagnoses and medication than empathy-driven counseling. Counselors are trained on the "wellness model" and treat people as individuals with empathy-driven treatment planning. Each field has it's plusses and minuses.

That being said, not all people in those professions are as I said. You really have to do your homework, and talk with the therapist, before investing time and money into their services.

Best wishes for you!

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sandpiper

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Re: therapy - what are your experiences with therapy?
« Reply #17 on: August 20, 2016, 06:22:42 PM »
I went to therapy thirty years ago & while there was no talk of personality disorders back then, the Ts certainly spotted the emotional abuse in my mother's FOO straight away and they immediately advised me to back away slowly and start setting boundaries.
I was a very young woman then and I credit that practice (individual and group T sessions for almost two years) with setting me on the path to have a good life.
The skills that I learned in those two years gave me the skills to build good relationships and to set boundaries within bad ones and to learn to step away from them.
As Gary said, our therapy is really about us rather than the PD.
The bad thing about growing up within a family where there are PDs are that you learn all sorts of dysfunctional responses to cope with them, and these responses aren't going to serve you well throughout your life, in terms of your intimate relationships with others or your relationships at work.
The problem is that even though you may step back from the PD in your life, or the cluster of dysfunctional people who support them, you are still likely to keep getting yourself into troublesome relationships until you learn how to do the dance differently.
There's been a lot of good advice here about how to choose a therapist, so I won't add to that.
All I can say is that therapy was a life-changing experience for me, it saved me from heading down a path where I would have made some terrible choices. It saved me from entering into some really bad choices of romantic relationships, and it allowed me to step away from some really toxic friendships that I'd picked up in my teen years (narcissists, urgh) and to find and choose better ones.
All of this was a long and involved process with a lot of mis-steps along the way.
My sisters dismissed the need for therapy, dismissed my diagnosis of PTSD from our childhood of domestic violence, and now in their sixties, they have a string of failed relationships behind them, problematic relationships with their adult children, and they are both long-term substance abusers - so their physical health is now suffering along with their mental health.
So therapy has pretty much saved me from a life-time of suffering.
I can't say enough good things about it, but yes, you need to find a T who suits you.
And you also need to be prepared that when you leave T, there may be some difficult periods in your life when it will help to find another one & to add to your skill set.
It's all about learning to have good relationships, with yourself and with others.
The work you will do on yourself in therapy is an investment in your quality of life.
It's never going to change the PD and if anything it might make the relationship with the PD more difficult as they won't like it when you get healthier and more functional and they'll seek to undermine that.
This is why the support boards exist - to support you through that process.
It's hard to leave an abusive relationship and the more support you have, the stronger & wiser you'll become - you'll be far less likely to get lured into other bad relationships down the track.

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EvilOlivE

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Re: therapy - what are your experiences with therapy?
« Reply #18 on: August 20, 2016, 09:33:08 PM »
Hi everyone, this is my first post here.

My uNPD sister suddenly contacted me in June after almost 10 years of ST. At the time of our last contact, I first started to suspect that she had some kind of personality disorder, but since right afterward disappeared from my life and moved to the other side of the country, I didn't put too much thought into it. And my life, without her in it, almost immediately started to improve, although not without a lot of work that I had been doing on myself over the years. But the level of peace and stability in my life is at an all-time high.

When she texted me to wish me a happy birthday, it disturbed me. In typical N fashion, after screwing me over so bad I ended up in the hospital, she wants to "mend out sisterhood" and not "rehash the past", IE she wants a free pass for her past transgressions and assert her right to set the terms of this sisterhood. Not to mention that she likely wants me back in her supply chain. I decided that if I was going to deal with her, I needed some professional help to do it.

Being that I live in a large city, I looked for someone who claimed to have experience and expertise with personality disorders. The person I chose is a PhD in psychology, and is interested primarily in interpersonal relationships and talk therapy. I wanted someone older and for some reason, I decided I wanted to work with a man rather than a woman- maybe because of my father's perceived role in our family dynamic (my mother has bipolar disorder and some kind of other issues, though she is not in any way a malignant narc). I left a very vague message and when the doctor called me back, I immediately liked his tone of voice and sense of humor, and while it's only been about a month so far, I am so glad I took this step. My extended FOO's reaction to this situation with my sister is somewhat but not totally dysfunctional. Perhaps I'll write some more posts about my situation, especially since it's likely I will agree to meet my sister when she visits my city later this year.

But it's also important to keep in mind that many so-called therapists of all stripes are narcs themselves. It's the perfect cover for a malignant person, after all, and I'm aware of some scholarship that found that psychology is something narcs use as a tool to more cleverly and subtly manipulate their victims. when you speak to them or meet them for the first time, watch their reactions carefully, think about their choice of words, their perspective, and if you get the feeling that something is off, pay them, thank them for their time and leave. Same goes for lawyers. It's a tricky world out there.

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SaltwareS

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Re: therapy - what are your experiences with therapy?
« Reply #19 on: September 03, 2016, 10:15:19 PM »
I think a little bit of therapy can help if you also are doing your own work with online groups or 12-step groups or self-help. Do not expect the therapist to totally get everything.

This is how I found one who helped me somewhat:
- I called someone I knew who gave out names of 5 therapists.
- I called all five and the one who had a voice that "connected" with me, felt normal, is the one I made the appointment with.
- I took it one appointment at a time.

Some things the T was really helpful with. Some he was completely wrong and I was right. Dealing with NPD and BPD people is a tough road! No T will totally get it right as your coach in dealing with the NPD BPD person. I think peer-to-peer support such as these groups online or 12-step groups is a vitally important part of the process.

So yes, try a T, but supplement that work with an online group such as the one at this site and then hopefully kick off the training wheels and just live life for some time.