Why do they think I am stupid/ underestimate me

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Rapidstream

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Why do they think I am stupid/ underestimate me
« on: May 30, 2016, 02:26:51 PM »
I would really appreciate some input to help me understand what is going on here. I understand about invalidation etc but what I do not understand is why my siblings- 2 in particular continue to think they can pull the wool over my eyes and underestimate me. They just do not seem to know me at all. I am the most academic of them and have a career that is mentally demanding, running my own business and making strategic decisions. I use to make allowances for them being the older one and these were made out of love. When I came Out of the FOG I realised what what I saw as love, they saw as weakness and so I put up major boundaries. This process started maybe 10 years ago and yet they still rail against these boundaries, I mean who does not get the message after 10 years. Recently one of them wanted to meet to discuss an issue. Stalked me over the course of a week requesting we meet- same person who resolutely ignores my communication and yet expects me to drop everything for them. They wanted to discuss my grandmother's will. Now it as been a number of years since she passed. I was made aware that she had left us some property to share but my mother refused to elaborate further. I tel my sibling to email me what they want to discuss- the only thing they had said was the property but not anything further and please tell me the contents of the will and let me have a copy if they have it. Response OK will send you a copy and we want to sell our share. What they in fact wanted was for me to meet with them to discuss even though they had discussed it between themselves and had abscess to the will and I had not. So why would they think that I would agree to meet with them on something that is effectively business related without having some idea of the agenda? By the way this is just one of many examples where they expect me to jump when they say jump. Any insight would be appreciated. Thanking you in advance for taking the time.

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Muggins

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Re: Why do they think I am stupid/ underestimate me
« Reply #1 on: May 30, 2016, 03:01:55 PM »
You're a beneficiary in a will from years ago and just finding out about it now? Wow, pretty secretive family. Depending on the state I suppose, you can get a copy of the will from the government. As for your sisters treating you like you're stupid, if they're older and narcissistic as well, I don't see that changing much.

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alonenow

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Re: Why do they think I am stupid/ underestimate me
« Reply #2 on: May 30, 2016, 04:09:35 PM »
                  It is just their coping system i believe  my siblings too treated me like I was slow and no up to intellect even though reality is the complete opposite.   They also have no interest in knowing who you are. 

 I hope your situation is better then the one I faced when we were left property .......... one day I received mail that said no one had paid taxes and it was to be auctioned off...... the executor of the will (oldest sibling ) never completed their job to transfer title so we were not aware of any  previous notices. I offered to pay my share but they had no money or credit to pay theirs it was sold for about 15% of what it was worth.  everything of any value was pissed away or lost.     

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bruceli

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Re: Why do they think I am stupid/ underestimate me
« Reply #3 on: May 30, 2016, 04:34:00 PM »
IME, siblings will continue to cross boundaries and we come Out of the FOG, boundary up and call them on their behavior.  Took me about 20 years to do so until PDsis ran for the hills 15 years ago and remains NC with me for fear of me exposing her.
One will never fulfill their destiny or truly be free, until they can let go of the illusion of control.

Fair doesn't mean equal and best doesn’t mean good.

They could see me walk on water, and they would say it is because I can not swim.

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Rapidstream

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Re: Why do they think I am stupid/ underestimate me
« Reply #4 on: May 30, 2016, 06:15:18 PM »
Thank you all so much for your responses.
Muggins although they have promised me a copy, I will try and get one myself.     
Alonenow, I am suspecting that land tax is now becoming an issue. They will try and get me to address it is what I am thinking but I will not take up their slack that easily.
Bruceli sadly I think you are right. Every now and then I think that there is a logical answer, forgetting their logic is different to mine. I am slowly reaching a place were my anger is subsiding and I feel pity for them and sadness for what could have been if we could relate to each other in a healthy way.
                                                       

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kiwihelen

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Re: Why do they think I am stupid/ underestimate me
« Reply #5 on: May 30, 2016, 06:45:13 PM »
Even in good enough families if your life course is different from your siblings you find they will treat you differently. My role was as the baby sister because I never had kids. It took dealing with my Dad through a bout of suicidal depression for them to realise I was a tough cookie.
With PD families I can imagine it ramped up about 100x - ugh!

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Sunny

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Re: Why do they think I am stupid/ underestimate me
« Reply #6 on: June 01, 2016, 03:29:56 AM »
Hi Rapidstream; I am dealing mostly with stbexPDh, but my sibs have showed strong N tendencies lately, after my dad passed a few months back. One sis is "Executrix" (I have posted on this recently) and did really extreme things such as give away my mother's valuables to "family friends", sell my parents' car for $200/ month when it's worth 5 figures...unreal.

So, I hired an attorney in my parents' home state (I live far from there). In fact I probably didn't even need to  hire this guy, as he gave me SO much helpful advice for free in initial phone consultations. Just FYI, it seems that as documents are filed with the state, they become available online and searchable, maybe even by us mere mortals, but I let my attorney keep me aware. I have only paid for maybe 4 hours of his time, and my sibs don't even know about him. He just digs up what he can and explains it to me in plain English. Best money I have spent all year, second only to divorce attorney!! Best to you, Sunny

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Rapidstream

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Re: Why do they think I am stupid/ underestimate me
« Reply #7 on: June 06, 2016, 06:49:36 AM »
Just a quick up date. Still no copy of the will even though I ha e received two pieces of correspondence since from her. No mention of the will. I have done a bit of research on getting my own copy but guess will just have to pursue that more. It makes me sad that they cause so much unnecessary drama and chaos. And I am sick of the amount of time taken to sort out something that should be simple. Thanks for you advice. Sunny I like your approach and I may have to go down that road.

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Bete Noire

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Re: Why do they think I am stupid/ underestimate me
« Reply #8 on: June 10, 2016, 03:41:52 AM »
Wills and PD siblings...such a lovely combination.  :stars:

The surrogate court in the county where the decedent lived should have the will on record and a case file opened for probating the will. The case file will be in the decedents name, of course. Phone the court clerk and ask them how you can get a copy of the will, as well as who the executor and estate attorney are. They may even be able to tell you who the named beneficiaries are.

There's no good reason for folks to be so cagey with you about the will...not a good sign.  :no: