Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate

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iamanorange

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Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« on: May 30, 2016, 10:11:55 PM »
Hello!

This is my first time using and posting on this forum so I hope I'm getting the right idea.

I've been living (just me and her) with a friend who has been diagnosed with BPD for 7 months. We made friends in the last year of university (so last year), and one day she mentioned off-hand that she'd just been diagnoesd with BPD but seemed very angry about it and said that it wasn't a fair diagnosis. I didn't know anything about it at the time so just assumed her story was true (that the psychiatrist was wrong and unfair.)

She didn't explain her mental health history when we moved in. As background, I have ME/CFS so am very unwell and she also has physical health problems (though is able to work full time etc whereas I am certainly not.)

Slowly, it began to dawn on me that she was treating me really badly. EVERYTHING was my fault and she was always the victim. She got mad at me when I was ill and bedridden because it wasn't fair on her. She was angry at me when I confided some details of very personal trauma (not at the point of disclosure but afterwards in her behaviour.) She told me not to talk about being ill, or any family problems so it ended up that I wasn't allowed to talk about anything to do with me and instead we had to talk about her and her problems all the time.

As well as this, she would get very jealous and hated me seeing other friends. Again, she was very angry when I went away for a few days (I had to get out - I couldn't bear it any more.) When I went out once with my best school friend she got extremely angry and shouted at me for ages about how insenstive and uncaring I am (I am neither of those things!) She told me that because I didn't stay in with her, it made her cut herself. Other times she told me that my behaviour made her want to kill herself.

Everything I did was wrong, if I accompanied her to doctors appointments, afterwards she told me that I sat in the wrong chair in the waiting room. When I spoke to her about her problems for hours (with no chance to talk about mine of course) she would seriously shout at me for ages because I hadn't offered her a cup of tea at a certain point.

I did all the cleaning in the flat, despite being very significantly physically disabled. She would also undermine my illness, constantly, subtly denying it and getting angry with me when I was bed bound because it meant if she wanted to talk to me she had to come into my room.

ANYWAY - before I fully realised the extent of the abusive behaviour and before yet another time of her flipping out, we agreed to move into a larger house with more people, so that things would be easier (the assumption not being that her behaviour was abusive, but that I was at fault.)

In the weeks before the move, I finally realised the extent of the problem and now cannot be friends with her, am scared to be in the same room as her. However, it's so so hard for me. There are currently two other housemates, one is more her friend that mine, and the other is new. I can't hang out with her, even as part of a group, so often feel trapped and that I have to hide.

I sent the other two housemates a text before we moved in explaining the situation and they did respond well, but her behaviour with them is probably fine and really charming so they won't really understand.

I have a friend moving in mid june and another in september but I dont know if I should try and move out? The problem is that it's extremely hard for me to find somewhere to live (because I am on disability benefits so few landlords will accpet me) and also physically moving is extremely difficult for me.

She's already started manipulating at least one flat mate against me. I tried to calmly explain the situation to him, leading with saying I was moving out. He seemed really angry then said 'She's SO worried about you.' God knows what she told him, I'm so angry she's undermining me and tryiing to look like she's concerned argh! I'm worried she'll try to turn all the others against me :/

Thanks so much to anyone who read this far.

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leapsand bounds

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #1 on: May 31, 2016, 02:05:21 AM »
Imo, you need to get away as your highest priortity.

Also, I recommend you don't say anything about the situation to anyone involved.  Make up some plausible excuse to tell anyone involved with her.  Lying is completely morally justifiable in this situation.  Say she's absolutely lovely, and you'll miss her.

I wish I could help, but I doubt I'm even in the same country.  Can you borrow money from to help with the move?  Get away and stay away.  If she contacts you be pleasant but busy/medium chill.

You are already vulnerable enough.  This makes you ripe for being singled-out and relentlessly driven crazy.  The fact that others are being treated differently, and find her good company means you are probably being targetted, and it is also likely that things will get worse for you if you try and talk about it.  This kind of situation can be a real trap for vulnerable people.

I was in a situation, different in many ways, different type of PD, different circumstances.  I was describing it to my psychologist before I realised that it wasn't my issues causing the problems.  I remember the look on her face when she said, uncharacteristically, this is really toxic you need to get out of there.  If I'd heeded her advice I could have saved myself a world of grief.  Things got so much worse.  I found myself stuck in a web in which anyway I moved made the situation worse.  I could have lied and escaped early on.

Predators prey on the vulnerable.  You are unwell and in a financially precarious situation.   You need to look after your health and well-being.

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RavenSongbird

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #2 on: May 31, 2016, 03:12:50 AM »
Welcome to the forum,  iamanorange. I'm new here too, so we can be newbies together.   :wave:

I'm so very sorry that this is happening to you. It sounds like a really difficult situation. I'm still coming to terms with the fact that there are people with these disorders and these types of behaviors. Her behavior is not acceptable by any stretch of the imagination that I'm aware of...  :no:

I hope you are able to resolve this and move forward without too much struggle and hardship. I'll keep you in my thoughts and send healing vibes your way. Hugs to you.  :hug:

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iamanorange

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #3 on: May 31, 2016, 07:55:09 PM »
HI guys, thanks v much for your responses.

@leapsand bounds - I'm just wondering why you're suggesting that I don't say anything about the situation? Do you think me trying to tell the truth will make it worse and that she'll somehow twist it and make me look bad? (maybe I've answered my own questions there!) It's kinda too late, as I spoke to all the other housemates about it separately... two are my friends so they instantly believed me, another didn't know either of us, but was very understanding when I told her. The final one, maybe I can't reach as much, but I'm okay accepting that for now.

I've got a plan to move out in september (I will be away a lot of summer) if it doesn't work out. Currently, whatever she's told anyone doesnt seem to have worked, but I am aware that I can't predict her behaviour ... Also i just hate her so much and what she's put me through so it's infuriating that she lives in the same house as me!!! (vent vent vent!!!)

@RavenSongbird - I know what you mean, it's really shocking and distrubing coming into contact with people like this! it kinda shakes you. Thanks so much for the hugs!!   :bighug:


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leapsand bounds

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #4 on: May 31, 2016, 08:38:07 PM »
So glad for you, Iamanorange,
Probably being over-cautious, due to my own circs.

The good thing about BPD is that is ususally pretty obvious to others that something is seriously amiss given enough time and exposure.  That isn't usually the case with NPD.
 
Being targetted, if that is what was happening, when you are in vulnerable circumstances is a serious matter imo.  I'd keep well away in a polite, medium-chill fashion and not do anything that might lead to an escalation or flare-up.  Your flatmate has already proven she can be nasty and victimising.  It's good to end things as positively as humanly possible (realising that's not always possible).

Sounds like you are doing great under difficult circumstances.  All power to you.
 

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iamanorange

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #5 on: May 31, 2016, 09:36:12 PM »
Yes. I mean I told her as politely and firmly as possible that we are no longer friends and her behaviour is unacceptable. Now I don't interact with her at all.

Yes I agree - can be very serious. She has no direct power over me any more because I no longer care about her as a friend at all.

I guess I'm just hoping that the others will see her behaviour and will then understand where I'm coming from, but I also realise that that could take months, or maybe not even happen at all. I want so badly for other people to validate my experience, but I can't bet on it I guess.

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meringue

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #6 on: June 01, 2016, 11:28:05 AM »
Hi Orange,

Welcome to OOTF! A lot of people here have been through similar situations. 

Leapsandbounds has it right - I wouldn't talk any more about your situation to others, unless they are your people only and don't come in contact with anyone else in this living arrangement.  They'll figure it out sooner or later, believe me. It's not your job to protect them from her and all you're likely to do is inflame the situation and create more drama for yourself.

Medium-chill and grey rock your way through it until you can make a clean break. It may take a while, but she'll repeat the same pattern of behavior with them as she showed you. And then they'll realize that your detachment was a deliberate strategy and do the same.
There's no reasoning with unreasonable people.

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NoVoice357

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #7 on: June 01, 2016, 02:42:29 PM »
Orange, I am really very sorry to hear about what you are going through with a BPD friend. It must be absolutely unbearable to live with her.  Since I am being targeted by a group of people including BPDs, I just wanted to add some things which hope might be of help.

Working things out with a BPD does not work. She lacks empathy and is not interested in solving conflicts. On the contrary, BPDs feed off drama. Drama gives them energy whereas people like us get drained. Your health is your first priority.

If BPDs lose control of their targets, they may start being nice and polite to them as a new strategy to manipulate them again. If she apologizes, do not believe her, either. They cannot change and do not want to change. They NEED someone to blame.

Your BPD friend has already started the smear campaign and she will tell everyone she knows or meet all kinds of lies about you. This goes usually like this: the BPD will present herself as the VICTIM, who only wanted to help you and you are the ungrateful friend who did not want to accept her valuable help and abused her.

BPDs and other sociopaths do not behave in front of others the same way they behave with their targets. She will show herself VERY nice, kind, helpful and full of empathy in front of others. They usually say they are worried about you because you do certain things that scare them (projection) and they do not know what to do anymore. In a nutshell: the target is crazy. Things that she did to you become things you supposedly did to her.

If possible, do not tell her friends anything bad about her. BPDs are good at twisting the truth and, in the end, people will think that you are the abuser.

Seek validation from people who are not friends of her and will believe you.

If possible, avoid interactions with the BPD when you are alone. If it is absolutely necessary for you to speak to the BPD, take at least one witness with you.

Do not show fear. Do not show any emotions.

Do not take the bait. Non reaction is the best strategy when sociopaths try to push your buttons.

Do not tell the BPD about your plans. If possible, avoid telling common friends about your plans of moving out, unless you know you can trust them 100%. Any kind of information the BPD gets from you or from other people could be used against you. AND the BPD will probably try to sabotage the fact that you want to leave her (abandonment issues).

Keep your personal belongings (especially documents and papers containing important information) in a safe place. Do not give her your new address, when you have one.

Keep your energy for yourself and for your plan of moving out.

Good luck and take good care of yourself.

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iamanorange

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #8 on: June 01, 2016, 04:26:17 PM »
@Meringue - Yeh I'm not going to speak about it any more to the two current housemates and definitely won't speak about it to anyone who's her friend. I guess I will have to speak about it a bit to my two friends who are moving in because I'm sure they'll ask but I'm definitely not going to worry about the others - I need to make sure I'm okay! (thanks counselling...haha!)

@NoVoice - I really appreaciate your detailed reply. I completely understand now that I cannot work it out with her (I don't want to, I really dislike her and what she has done.) She kinda gave me a non-apology but it was so pathetic and no amount of apology could make me change my mind. She's toxic. Yes I'm sure she is presenting herself as the victim - she spoke about so many other people to me in a way which I'm sure she's repeating with other people about me now. In a way, that's awful and scary, but I guess it also suggests that the cycle will continue in the house (and I can already kinda see who will be her next victim) - and so I know it's nothing to do with me and also, I might be vindicated at some point.

I do not interact with her at all because I just really really don't want to. I completley agree with the non reaction strategy - that's what I'm going for. Good tip about the documents. I've changed my password for lots of things cos i realised she might know it.

It's just so frustrating, because most of my close friends live in other cities and, being pretty ill and not really working, it's hard for me to make new friends. I really don't want my current housemates to be turned against me and for me to become isolated, but I think that at least my two friends and the one new housemate will be okay. For example, they're currently going on quite a few group outings without me. Obviously I wouldn't socialise with her at all anyway but it's a really rubbish feeling to be so left out, especially when you ahve been the victim of such nasty emotional abuse. Ah dear!


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meringue

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #9 on: June 01, 2016, 05:44:53 PM »
Hi Orange,

I know it hurts to get left out. :( Even if you'd say 'no' there is something about just being asked or invited to participate. That said maybe it's a chance to make some Beyonce lemonade - ha ha - IME, being close friends with roommates/housemates can be tricky business.  WithOUT a PD in the mix. I lived with a close friend during college and things got unnecessarily tense between us once when I asked her to repay $20 and she swore up and down she had. And of course I was 100% positive she hadn't. We came out of it because I decided I would rather have my friend than $20 so I said it was my mistake, etc etc.

Anyway, my point here is that, with so many housemates (4 and you?), and among you a BPD and friendships, it's a very chaotic and combustible situation brewing, and the more you can distance yourself from it now, the easier you're gonna have it when it all hits the fan. And with a BPD, it always, ALWAYS will.

NoVoice is right. She will snooker people for a while. N/BPDs are really quite charming when they want to be. Nobody'd ever take their sh*t if we knew all along what they were *really* like. LOL  :doh:  For that reason, I'm not even sure if mentioning it to your new friends who are moving in is a good idea - trust me, they'll eventually see her for what she is. And if she catches wind that you've been "warning" people (because she maneuvers her way into being close with one of them) about her, you'll put a huge bulls-eye on your back; and you'll be the villain until they figure out what she's really like. Patience is a virtue here. She'll show herself. They always do.

I know your illness limits what you can do, but if you perhaps can find some interests that are yours and yours alone - where you're in contact with people not currently in the ^^above situation, I think it will go a long way toward improving your mental health. Maybe there are some groups of people with similar interests who meet frequently enough for you go develop new relationships but not so frequently that your illness precludes it?


There's no reasoning with unreasonable people.

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iamanorange

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #10 on: June 01, 2016, 06:56:20 PM »
@meringue

Very wise! I'm really looking forward to (in a few months all being well) moving out and being somewhere with no drama and I think you're right, that this house will probaby implode at some point (yes there are 6 people in total) and I want to be well away.
Yes, I'll get me some lemons! I don't want to waste my, already very limited, energy on this crap!
Ah - it's too late. I already gave them a brief outline and explained some of the abusive behaviour to my friend, let's call her Sarah, who's moving in. Oh well. The BPD told me (before I finally stopped being her friend) that she really didn't like Sarah and that she thought Sarah was 'narcissitic' - blatant projection. Also Sarah is ill as well and the BPD doesn't like it when other people are ill as she must be the only victim...
So yes... I need to get out of here. I guess worse case scenario is that I move out and the whole house is manipulated against me. But at least I'll be out of it and safe and I know my closest friends will be there for me.
Yeh I will try meet new people - good suggestions.
But I'm taking the TV! I bought it! heh heh.
I guess until then, I just be patient and try to not let it get me down, though it is hard. LIke right now I can hear them all in the kitchen playing music and laughing. I've had a bit of a bad day illness-wise, so have been pretty much bed-bound today. Bleurgh.
Anyway, this forum has already made me feel less alone so thanks for all your advice guys really appreciate it!

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NoVoice357

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #11 on: June 01, 2016, 07:54:15 PM »
Hi Orange,

Yes, it is frustrating and above all unfair what is happening to you, considering your present situation. I am very sorry.

Cluster BPDs make other people lives’ miserable. They do not have a life of their own, they do not have any real interests. To them we are just objects that can be used and discarded. They do not have any real friends.

When I read what Meringue wrote about finding groups with similar interests, I remembered that there is a site on the internet called MeetUp where you can find groups in the same location or near you. 

http://www.meetup.com/

Unfortunately, I live in a small city and there are no meetup groups that I can choose from. Wish you good luck finding an interesting one.

 :bighug:

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iamanorange

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #12 on: June 01, 2016, 08:20:20 PM »
Hi NoVoice - your voice has been very helpful and clear to me! (if you're referring to yourself?)

That's a great idea and it does exist for where I live. Thank you for your sympathy and help. It's comforting to know that there are people out there who understand and who want to help.

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leapsand bounds

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #13 on: June 02, 2016, 02:28:54 AM »
Smear campaigns are the pits.

I was targetted for constant attack after I told this person I had ptsd and social anxiety.  I was trapped, and although eventually I learned to keep as much distance as humanly possible, things got worse and worse.  People started keeping me at a  distance.  My closest friend in this situation stopped speaking to me altogether with no explanantion.  I couldn't ask - he wouldn't even answer my hellos.  I was being blamed for things that I didn't even have any involvement with.  The list of incidents is long and bizarre.

Anyway, I spoke up and left.  It has ended up as it was always destined to.  I'm crazy and vindictive and an enemy to what we were all trying to achieve.  She's the victim, I'm the perpetrator.  She has duly expressed concern for my terrible mental health issues - because she is  so compassionate, even in her terrible suffering at my hands.   You could almost write a script for these people!

Last week I was at a public lecture and the chief flying monkey was up the front.  She constantly turned around to glare at me, sometimes for long periods.  The combination of power and narcissism can attract a strange dedication in some people.  Part of it is the energy of denial in the face of uncomfortable truth, and congnitive dissonance.

At the lecture I ran into a couple she had smeared previously.  They were indirectly involved with our group.  She told anyone who would listen that they had stolen from us, that they were fraudsters etc. Completely untrue, of course.  We always smile and greet each other warmly.  We know, and we know we know, but we don't talk about it.

Your situation is different, but I wanted to warn you not to fall into the traps, because there is a kind of sameness  in this kind of behaviour.

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iamanorange

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #14 on: June 02, 2016, 07:45:23 AM »
leapsand bounds - that is awful and aboslutely terrifying.

What PD were you dealing with? and did people eventually see the truth? That scenario is what I'm terrified of.

I guess there's nothing I can do - just not rock the boat at all then leave, hoping my friends will stay my friends...

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leapsand bounds

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #15 on: June 02, 2016, 08:47:29 AM »
Hi Iamorange,

Reading back I see I cut out so much detail after i wrote it, that it isn't very clear. 

The PD is Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the behaviour - narcissistic abuse.  I doubt that most of the people involved will ever realise because they will never be targetted.  Most will probably eventually realise, if they don't already, that there is some kind of problem with her, but have no idea of the extent of it.  And like I was before this experience, they will be unaware that "good," respectable, people, people they like and trust, could ever behave in such a way.  She knows how to butter-up people who have power and status.  As long as she has time to prepare, she is a very good actor and liar  (improvising is where her acting skills can occasionally fall down, but she rarely needs to because she micro-manages people, information, and situations).  She is a Jeckyl and Hyde. I think that is usually spouses and children who cop the worst abuse with this kind of person, but she is single.   

There will be a new target by now, I think it will be the person who stopped speaking to me, his circumstances mean he is the next most vulnerable.  She'd already started separating him off from the group when I left.  Like I was, he's trapped by the situation. 

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iamanorange

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #16 on: June 02, 2016, 11:34:27 AM »
Right, that's what I thought. Wow that sounds so so intense. At least it sounds like you are well clear.

Yeh me too, I was unaware of this kinda level of malignancy in people who can act so nice. it's really disturbing to know that people can be so calculating.


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iamanorange

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #17 on: November 10, 2016, 12:01:02 PM »
Hi again everyone,

I just want to say thanks again for everyone's help and advice, it was so helpful <3

I moved into a new house in September with nice people and haven't had contact with her (the BPD) in months.

However, it is still HARD. I see my ex-housemates way way less, and one (who perhaps is the new target) I haven't seen at all.
This makes me feel really s***, like I've lost my friends BECAUSE I was abused and that she faces no consequences - is even rewarded for seriously hurting people.

I am emotionally scarred by what happened and constantly think I am doing something 'wrong' because of how much she used to criticise me.

She even tried to turn two of my best friends against me (who since, thankfully, have no contact with her.)

It's just so unfair - if she had, for example, punched me in the face - maybe the normal 'rules' of society would kick in and I'd get more support and she would be held to account. But what she did was so much worse mentally and physically.

I don't know details, but it seems she's still being charming to everyone in the house and I find it difficult  - was I being targeted? was it my fault somehow? (no but then why don't other people see it quicker? Will i ever feel validated?)

I'm also wondering if she is actually more NPD - for her her ego is built around her being morally perfect - better than anyone else.

How do you deal with the aftermath, I guess is what I'm asking? I know the best thing is to try and build myself up and completely move on, but it's hard when my small group of friends in this city live with her. even one of my new housemates used to go out with her and said a few weeks ago that she was the only person he'd ever been in love with, I was like arghhhhhhhh! (I haven't said anything to new housemates about it cos they all know her at least a bit. which again feels SO unfair - I'm not allowed to talk about this horrendous thing because I'm scared of the consequences??)

Any words of wisdom much appreciated!! <3

 

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NoVoice357

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #18 on: November 10, 2016, 02:57:49 PM »
Hi Orange, :wave:

It is good to know that you were able to move and that your new housemates are nice people.
I can understand how you feel, how unfair it is to lose friends because of one disordered individual.

You have been abused by a sociopath. Emotional/psychological abuse is far worse than physical abuse. It takes a long time to heal. In my case, I am dealing with ongoing psychological abuse so I cannot say I am in the aftermath. What has helped me so far is to continue reading about smear campaigns and character assassination as much as I can.

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I am emotionally scarred by what happened and constantly think I am doing something 'wrong' because of how much she used to criticise me.

I think you are experiencing the effects of gaslighting. It is psychological abuse. Educating yourself about gaslighting tactics will help you heal completely and it will not work anymore in case you happen to experience this again in the future. Cluster B PDs usually tell their targets things like: “Nobody likes you”, “Everybody says/thinks you are …( something negative)”, “I’m not the only one who thinks you are …”, Of course, this is not true. Do not believe her.

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I don't know details, but it seems she's still being charming to everyone in the house and I find it difficult  - was I being targeted? was it my fault somehow? (no but then why don't other people see it quicker? Will i ever feel validated?)

Sociopaths are excellent actors and actresses and know how to look sweet and innocent, loving, caring, friendly, charming or even concerned (about their targets) in front of their audience.
It is important to know how their evil tactics work. It is not much about what Cluster B PDs tell others about their victims but how they do it, like playing the victim or faking concern (“I am really worried about her but she won’t accept my help.”), among other things.

You have been targeted but it was not your fault.  IMO, the reason why female friends with a Cluster B PD choose their victims is envy.

There are different reasons why others do not see PDs for who they really are. They cannot see through her façade because she has always showed herself as a nice, friendly individual in front of them. They want to keep the peace in the group because they lack empathy, they care only about themselves and do not want to take sides.

Do not expect validation from people who are in contact with your disordered friend and who may believe her lies. It will not work. If you need to talk to someone about it, it is better to do it with people you are sure they are on your side or those who are not in contact with her or better, those who do not know her. I used to seek validation from others but I am learning to validate myself instead. I am reading The Power of Validation by Karyn Hall and Melissa Cook and find it helpful.

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I haven't said anything to new housemates about it cos they all know her at least a bit.

If your PD friend learns that you are living with them or in contact with them, then she will try to turn your new housemates against you. And she will do it as soon as possible, that is, before you have the chance to tell your housemates what your PD friend did to you or who she really is.

If possible, try to find friends who are not in contact with her or have nothing to do with her.
One bad apple spoils the barrel.

 :bighug:

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leapsand bounds

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #19 on: November 10, 2016, 09:57:21 PM »
Hi Iamanorange,

It's good to catch up with you again.

It really hurts, I know.  It took me a long time and a lot of therapy to get past most of the anger but the hurt lingers.  I feel great sorrow about the people I have lost forever and the fact that I endured severe violence that will never be acknowledged by those who support (and in some cases, enable)  the person who nearly drove me to suicide.  The person who knew I was suicidal and still didn't stop bullying me.  In my country we have government guidelines delineating what is and what is not workplace bullying.  I filled in the form and what happened to me was at the severe end of the scale.  The document also outlines the consequences of targeting someone in this  way: depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress disorder, insomnia, etc.  I can check all the boxes there, too.  and as you say, if she'd merely hit me once, rather than abused me over months and harmed every aspect of my life, I could have laid charges with the police and had a lot more support, yet all I would have suffered would have been minor, temporary pain.

Coming Out of the FOG also led me to the complete blitzkrieg, as I've found so often happens.  I removed three long term toxic friendships from my life at the same time, and cleared the slate to begin rebuilding my life in my hometown, virtually from scratch socially.  Despite 60 years of friendship between them, I don't miss them a bit, and rarely even think about them.

I ended up going no-contact to protect myself from continuing harm.   There are people I had come to feel so fond of, to value and respect who will never be part of my life again and when we pass in the street it feels like hell.  Many of them believe this malicious abuser to have been harmed by me.  I've lost two communities I cared a lot for and worked hard in, and it bring tears to even write about this.

So, yes, if anyone has an antidote to the grief, I'd like to hear about it too.

But also, I'm glad, because I've changed for the better.  I don't know where my life is leading but I have my eyes open at last and I'm damn sure i know where it's not leading.  I've been through hell, but found peace in, and compassion for myself.  I think i also managed to repatriate my self esteem.

I'm sorry for what you've been through and for the absence of basic justice, and hope you will find a better place than the one you left.







https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0kFNGNiAs4