Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate

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iamanorange

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #20 on: November 12, 2016, 08:05:13 PM »
Thanks so much for your responses. Yes educating myself about what happened has helped me so much.

I think the main thing now is to make sure I am as healthy as possible so that I am not vulnerable to this behaviour anymore and so that my self esteem is higher and I don't want or need the validation of others so badly.

OMG the 'I'm really worried about her' line is exactly what she used against me to make me look emotionally unstable and that she was the caring one. spot on.

I was quite triggered earlier this evening when I tried to seek validation from my friend in that house - and i have learnt my lesson!

I'm seeing this as an opportunity to learn more about and ultimately deal with my own shit - the stuff that made me vulnerable in the first place. In some ways, that's an invaluable lesson.

@leapsand bounds - I'm SO glad you have got compassion for yourself and self esteem, they are the most valuable things!! Hopefully I'll get there soon.

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leapsand bounds

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #21 on: November 12, 2016, 09:09:13 PM »
lol

OMG the 'I'm really worried about her' line is exactly what she used against me to make me look emotionally unstable and that she was the caring one. spot on.

On the internet they call it 'concern trolling'.  Character assassination disguised as concern.  In black and white on the page it seems easier for most to see through ie without the stage act that goes with it in person.

When I went no contact, it was in response from someone in the community telling me that the narc was sooo concerned about me and my "condition" and that she spoke about me with such love and concern.  The unspoken accusation was ' so forgiving despite how cruel you have been to her'.  I'm aware of this disordered person's unique capacity to do Oscar-winning poor-me performances and ability to evoke unnatural levels of sympathy.  I've even been affected by such performances myself while knowing it was a lie and an act.

It's creepy.

A dangerous person, callous, dishonest, vicious, calculating....

Still, I don't have to live with her.  This person does and has a massive amount of money on the line.  It wont be her who is targetted for abuse, it will be her who abets the abuse and continues to give love and support to the abuser.


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iamanorange

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #22 on: February 06, 2017, 08:51:22 PM »
*update*

Just wanted to give an update here for people who might be in a similar position and for those who kindly gave me advice before.

I've stayed completely out of it, not wanting to have contact anyway and not trying to influence people directly involved - this was definitely the best choice.

She has been behaving in similar ways in the new house, as I recently learned, and my friends there now understand my point of view. I feel v validated and can see v clearly that it wasn't my fault and it wasn't about me. I had come a long way and understood that it wasn't my fault already, but it was so lovely to hear them say "I'm sorry, it must  have been so hard for you."

I guess my point is not that you need to wait for validation but that, in this situation, you should trust your own experience and know that you don't actually  need other people to back you up - you already know the truth.

thanks for the support


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countrygirl

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #23 on: February 07, 2017, 11:09:31 AM »
Hi,

I read your original posts and all of the replies with interest, and was pleased to read your update!  It is good that people in the new house now see her for who she is.  I have had similar problems with my PD friend.  She is very manipulative, and quite accomplished at charming new people.  To give an example, I am now friends with the mother of one of my friends who passed last year.  I have been very supportive of my friend's mother, and helped her in any way that I could.  We have talked a lot, sharing our lives, and I told her about the PD, whom she'd met several times, a number of years ago.  Even so, she has continued to say that SHE never saw "any of that" in the PD.  Even though I have told her about all that the PD has done, including to other people (and including having cops call for backup when she's been pulled over for speeding tickets, on a number of occasions!), it feels as if she doesn't believe me.   I have to say that this is hurtful.  How can she think that meeting her a few times, when the PD was trying to impress her (as she does with all new people) in any way compares to actually knowing her?  But as you said, what is important is that you know the truth.   

By the way, I just posted about a phone message my PD friend left, pretending that she was calling out of concern for me.  The truth is that far from having concern for me, she has actively wounded me.  Like you, I have a physical condition, and I have explained and explained to her that tension is horrible for me, not just emotionally, but physically.   But does she care?  I think you know the answer.  She continues to rage and shout, whenever she gets the opportunity.  I no longer want to give her the opportunity.  Unfortunately, I have to return her phone call, because there are some financial issues we must discuss.  (Before I saw through her, we had a business partnership--in which I did all of the work, of course.)   

At any rate, kudos to you for seeing through your friend, for surviving her!  I agree with what other posters have said:  These people often target the vulnerable,  and I agree with what one poster in particular said about them going after those they envy--or if they don't envy them at first, they quickly find things to envy.   

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NoVoice357

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Re: Scared and SO ANGRY at BPD housemate
« Reply #24 on: February 07, 2017, 11:21:13 AM »
Hi iamanorange, :wave:

Nice to hear from you again! Thank you for your update. Glad to read that your friends have finally seen your ex BPD housemate’s true face.  :cheer: No, it was not your fault, even if your friends had believed the BPD. It must be a good feeling having friends validating you instead of ostracising you!

Thank you for your sound advice, iamanorange. Although I have never said anything bad about those smearing me and doing character assassination (not a single word), people still believe the NPDs’ lies. This is because some people with Cluster B disorders are more cunning than others and know how to influence people with their made-up stories.   :dramaqueen:

No matter what happens to you in the future, don’t ever let anyone gaslight you. Trust your own feelings. And if still in doubt, please come back here and just ask.

 :hug: