I think my brother may be PD/BPD?

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Miss Mermaid

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I think my brother may be PD/BPD?
« on: June 08, 2016, 01:43:15 AM »
Hi, I think my brother may be PD. I came to this site about a month ago seeking support for my experience with an emotionally abusive ex. But as I read and learn more here, I am seeing my brother's personality and behavior in a whole new light as well. He and my ex are not really alike, for the most part, but there are some similarities... I'll just give a quick synopsis of my brother, I would love some feedback if anyone has some.

My brother is 4 years younger than me, 29, and he has never moved out of my parents'/mom's house, or had a committed romantic relationship that lasted longer than 2 months (only one, which occurred when he was 14). Ever since childhood I remember him exhibiting angry, depressed, and troubling behavior. He was at various times diagnosed with depression (it runs in the family), anxiety, OCD, Tourette's syndrome (questionable diagnosis), and occasionally has had panic and anxiety so intense that he throws up. He is on medication for depression, I believe, but recently told me that it's a low dose that hasn't been updated since he was 17. He has a therapist, but frequently misses or "forgets" his appointments. He smokes weed almost every day, and previously had a part time job but was then unemployed by choice for about 5 years, until last year when he got a part time job which seems to be sticking so far.

Aside from all that, the behaviors that have always upset me particularly are his extreme moodiness and anger. He's very oppositional with my mom (my dad is now deceased) and makes excuses for rarely assisting with household chores, even when she doesn't ask much of him (enabling?), as well as losing his temper with her about any number of minor things, and expecting her to provide money and financial support with no questions asked. She has turned to me many times with her confusion and sadness about the way he treats her (the dynamics of my relationship with my mom are another topic :p). There have been times when he's shown physical aggression, not to people really, but rather taking it out around the house or on inanimate objects. He also has VERY strong opinions about topics from music to politics to movies, to the point where if he starts expressing his opinion there is really no room for anyone to express an opinion or even speak. It's black and white to him and he just goes on and on without care for the other person's opinion. Just two days ago I had this experience with him, and ended up leaving our conversation in the middle of it, because I knew I wouldn't be able to make my point and I was exhausted by his extreme reactions to what I was saying. I later texted him, calmly explaining why I had left the conversation, but I have not heard back from him. He's been fighting a lot with my mom this past week, according to her, much more so than usual.

I've had so many heart-to-heart talks with my brother where he's expressed despair and unhappiness, and I've tried to help him feel better about his life/lack of accomplishments, and to give him advice and hope on turning things around. NONE of my suggestions or support (which I have told him is unconditional) have seemed to effect any change in him. I love my brother so much. I still remember once when he was about 10 and having an episode of being intensely anxious and upset, and I just sat with him and tried to comfort him. I guess I think of him growing up feeling like that and I still want to offer him help. I'm pretty adjusted to the way my brother is, and I rarely take his behavior personally the way I used to, but as we get older, I worry about what his future may hold. Does it sound like he might have a PD? How can I make sense of all this? Thank you in advance for taking the time to read my post.

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Miss Mermaid

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Re: I think my brother may be PD/BPD?
« Reply #1 on: June 09, 2016, 06:09:13 PM »
Just wanted to make a post to boost my original one... I am still hoping to get some feedback on my situation with my brother. I would appreciate any advice offered! Thank you!

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VividImagination

  • Fear is not real; it is a product of the thoughts you create. Danger is very real, but fear is a choice. - After Earth
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Re: I think my brother may be PD/BPD?
« Reply #2 on: June 09, 2016, 06:50:38 PM »
Welcome to OOTF! I'm sorry you're having such issues with a sibling. Have you checked the traits section of the Toolbox? I'm responding from my phone, so sorry I can't provide the link. Look over the list if you haven't already...it will provide a great deal of insight.

Sounds to me like you need boundaries in place. You can't change him, but you can change how you interact with him.
There are three solutions to every problem: accept it, change it, or leave it. If you cannot accept it, change it. I f you cannot change it, leave it.

Sometimes you're damned if you don't and damned if you do, so damn well do what's best for you.

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caramelia

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Re: I think my brother may be PD/BPD?
« Reply #3 on: June 09, 2016, 08:27:27 PM »
Hi there

Have you read up on the different types of PDs?
http://outofthefog.website/types-of-personality-disorders

I don't think my mother and brother have full-blown disorders, but they have many traits and reading up on them as well  has really helped me.

http://outofthefog.website/traits/

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Miss Mermaid

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Re: I think my brother may be PD/BPD?
« Reply #4 on: June 10, 2016, 02:14:20 AM »
Thank you both - I have read about the personality disorders and some of the tools for coping. I think my brother probably has BPD to some level. I guess I am hoping for some personal feedback from people who have experienced something similar; I know no one can diagnose him from afar, but I am wondering if from what I described, it sounds as though he may have BPD. ???