bi-relationship w OCPD/BPD

  • 3 Replies
  • 1606 Views
*

TSEMS123

  • New Member
  • *
  • 2
bi-relationship w OCPD/BPD
« on: June 13, 2016, 05:23:58 PM »
I was so relieved to find this resource. I've been involved with a partner who has OCPD and has also diagnosed with BPD. There are complications to our relationships: I am bi, and married with children. My spouse knows about the relationship and has been graciously supportive of it, as he understands that there are needs that he cannot not fulfill. The two of them get along quite well, and I have introduced her into the lives of my children. I was hesitant about this at first, because my intuition told me that she may run for the hills. And she has. Kind of. Many of the posts I've read through have been so reassuring--that I'm not alone. The beginning of the relationship was so great--I felt like I met someone who really got me. She made me feel on top of the world, made a lot of time for me, we became serious pretty quickly and the connection felt intense. A few months in, I noticed patterns (that I now realize are patterns)--the extreme ups and downs, the need to have everything her way, the circular conversations about the same topics, eventually culminating in her needing to take some time at an in-patient facility. I chose to stay by her, even though I learned about some lying, manipulation, and her telling me she no longer loved me. After treatment, things seemed to be better, but soon old patterns emerged. One of the newer was demanding that I "have problems" and need therapy. Ultimatums were given: attend her meetings, go to individual counseling, or couples counseling. Soon it was whittled down to couples counseling only. I have seen her therapist with her a number of times, and the conversations were always centered around her. They always are. It has been a year and a half, and recently, after a small argument (another pattern--her making plans with me and then flaking on them, but getting upset when I confront it) she completely decided to break up--over the phone, lots of screaming and yelling, name calling, wants belongings back--and I just don't know what to do. I love her very much and have had some of my greatest life experiences with her. Do I give in to the ultimatum? It feels like it's something I can't abide by--on principle, and I don't want her to hijack the entire session, as she often hijacks all conversations. I have called individual therapists to establish my own therapy, but I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose this person, but I also feel like I can no longer be in the relationship. I am also worried about how to explain her lack of presence to my children, if we do break up for good. Any experiences out there, esp with OCPD (or BPD), especially for bi women?

*

chriskitt40

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 152
Re: bi-relationship w OCPD/BPD
« Reply #1 on: June 16, 2016, 10:32:03 AM »
I'm not bi, I'm lesbian but I can certainly can relate.  Lately it's been I need to be on medication and I need therapy.  Smh.  How can you try to diagnose me in an already dysfunctional relationship, and she's certifiably bpd?  Totally amazes me.  But let me tell you.  That's how my relationship started all great and wonderful.  But then the arguments started, the getting on my case over little things started, the blame started, the guilt started, the emotional abuse started then eventually my friends disappeared, I disappeared from the scene.  I mean she was stripping me from who I was bit by bit.  Right now I'm struggling to climb out of that bucket of mental crabs. :sadno:  Trying to get back to who I was before I met her.  I was like that frog that jumped into a pot of warm water that eventually got hot as hell

My point is don't give in to the manipulation and ultimations, verbal abuses, emotional abuses don't buy into the "you need help bullshit", and anything associated with PDs.  Seek individual counseling to help you deal and cope with that mess she putting you thru.  Like I've told a few others, WHO YOU ARE IS NOT A FAULT, IT'S WHO ARE WHO, WHO YOU WERE BORN TO BE.  It's not your fault she is the way she is.  It's not your fault that you were born with a good normal mind. Unfortunately there are no cures for PDS but if that person is commited, they can seek counseling and treatment for themselves. But as for you,this is a good place to start.

*

chriskitt40

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 152
Re: bi-relationship w OCPD/BPD
« Reply #2 on: June 16, 2016, 10:35:22 AM »
Everything she is doing to you is ways to break you down as an individual, to cause  your self esteem ans self worth to drop. To make you felt back for being who you are cause she really is lost about herself.  Think of this as being with an emotional and mental vampire.  They can't deal with their own mind so they try to suck your good mind and energy up

*

Viola Violet

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • 54
Re: bi-relationship w OCPD/BPD
« Reply #3 on: June 28, 2016, 07:55:18 PM »
hang in there TSEMS123.  My thoughts are with you. 
Your struggles and other social hurdles are why I've not pursued any kind of romantic relationship for a few years now.  I am bisexual and i got married to a man and had children.  He is very understanding and he knew all about me from the beginning 22yrs ago.  He accepted that the romantic part may not last forever. We have a good friendship base so we are still very much a family unit with our children.  I would like to be with a woman but hardly any can deal with the fact that I did marry a man and he's still a big part of my life. 
I'm aware of people having problems just like you are now, so I'm avoiding new relationships in order to protect the little bit of good I do have in my life.
I'm sorry I don't know how to help but I wish you all the best, and I'm sending good vibes your way.  Keep your chin up and bravo to you for going for the things you want in life even if it didn't turn out quite right.
Hurt people, hurt people.