What a mess

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Pepin

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What a mess
« on: June 22, 2016, 08:36:16 PM »
I am not really sure if this is the right place for this but here goes...my daughter has a friend that she has known for the last several years.  I have gotten to know this friend's Mom but I treaded very carefully.  The Mom was disgustingly charming and came on very strong when we were first introduced.  It was as if she just could not get enough of me and I felt smothered.  In addition, I felt used at her requests to watch her daughter at the last second and sometimes her son would come over, too.  It was just weird.

Anyway, the daughter is extremely overweight.  I just saw recent pictures of her and I nearly cried.  She is heavier than I had last seen her -- despite efforts (mostly from her dad) to instill healthy eating and exercise habits.  What I can strongly say though is that every time she was at our house, she literally inhaled any meals we served.  Snacks were vacuumed in a blink of an eye.  If I put out a bowl of raspberries, the friend would help herself to all of them before my daughter could.  It just happened so fast.  If my daughter was at this friend's house, she would tell me that while she would have one sandwich at lunch, her friend would have two.  One time Mil was over and she told me that this friend's eyes got wide when she served the kids dinner! And when she eats, she opens up excessively wide to receive what is on the fork.  She absolutely eats with a lot of enthusiasm.

IDK, I thought the parents really had good intentions to help their daughter slim down.  Now I am not so sure.  The parents set pretty good examples and are not obese...nor is the brother.  They lead active lifestyles. 

But what I cannot get out of my head is this: during a conversation with the mother she told me that when she was growing up her mother would go into rages about her weight and yell at the top her longs, "you are faaaaaaaaaat!"   :unsure:  Yeah, that's pretty bad.  I can only imagine what the grandma thinks of her granddaughter....

The grandmother that did the yelling definitely is a PD.  I have met her a few times....and yes, her daughter has a ton of fleas......that I sadly see her passing onto her own daughter!  Is she purposefully keeping her daughter obese because of unresolved issues with her own mother?  Is having an obese daughter a way for her to look slim in her mother's eyes?  I just do not understand.  But I do feel very badly for my daughter's friend...because she is going to have such a mess to undo in her life.   
NPD F (overt) NC
DPD MIL (covert) VLC
FALLEN GC SIB
GC#2 SIB (covert) LC headed to NC

No PD is going to tell me what to do.

People who don't bring joy, let them go.

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Pepin

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Re: What a mess
« Reply #1 on: June 24, 2016, 12:31:59 PM »
I forgot to mention that the daughter has really been dabbling in some questionable stuff at her age and posting it on social media.  It is obvious that she is seeking attention because she just is not getting it at home.  (The mom is absorbed in her own strangeness and seems to be rather unavailable.  The dad I think has issues focusing on simple tasks and once he starts talking he does not shut up.  Both parents cater to the brother with what little energy they have because he has some emotional issues.) 

Even my kids are concerned about her and they are uncomfortable with how she portrays herself.  My younger daughter who was primarily friends with this daughter was unable to relate to the changes she was witnessing -- and did her best to go along with her friend as long as she could since they were so close.  My daughter ultimately (at such a young age) admitted that her friend was not being true to herself.  My daughter is one of those *no nonsense* personalities that know exactly what they want in life -- they are born wired that way.  She prefers now to surround herself with others that share the same idea. 

Hopefully this family can sort out their mess...
NPD F (overt) NC
DPD MIL (covert) VLC
FALLEN GC SIB
GC#2 SIB (covert) LC headed to NC

No PD is going to tell me what to do.

People who don't bring joy, let them go.

*

Bloomie

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Re: What a mess
« Reply #2 on: June 24, 2016, 12:49:14 PM »
Pepin - How sad this situation is. The changes you see unfolding in this young girl's life have to be really distressing for your family and those that are friends with her.

I have a nephew that I saw go in a similar direction in what seemed to me as a response to the neglect and stress of his family system, and my sil's serious issues in particular. He is now an adult and continues to turn to food for comfort to the point of serious health issues. It has been a really painful thing to bear witness to. I am so sorry this is happening to this young girl.

Thankful your daughter is strong and clear to see where she needs to distance herself, but can still maintain a loving and caring concern for her friend.