How to proceed?

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AncientSoul

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How to proceed?
« on: July 05, 2016, 06:13:10 PM »
I'm in a quandary. I've posted on here several times about my older sister, who under advisement from doctors, I have gone No Contact with her since 2010. With those posts I've made, detailing her behavior towards myself and my family since I was a child, the remarks have been she's about the worst in her actions and abuse that they have heard. She destroys most everything she touches in regard to the family. The exceptions are her own children. She takes but does not give, yet calls herself the most wonderful person in the whole wide world. She basically steals without remorse and shows no compassion for her family, other than her own children.

On this site I realized the term "Hoovering". Just a few minutes ago, the phone rang, and yes, it was my sister, I didn't answer and let the answering machine handle the call. My sister gave me "advice" to apply for my Social Security so I would have money to live on. My sister and her kids owe me a great deal of money, (about $200,000) and she refers to me in the negative anytime there are witnesses to hear her. She has always been unkind to me, and she is extremely selfish. Her kids live in a rental house in which I own half, yet I have not received any rent money since 2009. My sister never pays or repays anyone, unless it is to show how great she is to someone unrelated to her. Then she also is blocking my getting paid from my mother's estate. She told me, "Her kids want the properties to live there." My mother didn't want them to have the properties. (Those properties are worth a bit over a million dollars.) I have been sick and couldn't fight. And as I said, my sister probably hopes I will die. My mother used to tell me that my sister just wanted her dead. Sad for a mother to say about one of her children. My parents were also very nice people.

I have tried to set boundaries, my sister crosses them. I have shown her receipts and spread sheets of the money I've loaned and spent from her actions and taking care of the properties. She denies them. And yes, I know I can get an attorney, but I fear I will have to sell all my property, as I know my sister will relish a fight to drain me of more money. My mother described my sister, her own daughter, as "Pure Evil". I understand now what my mother meant. My sister also has large monthly incomes. That includes my income from the rentals, which she takes for her kids. It's is pure stealing. I'm sure my sister wants a confrontation in the hopes that it would kill me. The look in her eyes is of shear pleasure if she can get me to become angry. It's like she loves it.

I was going to write her kids and ask them to pay me back the money they owe me. They all have good jobs. I left my job in the 1990's to care for my mother, aunts and uncles. I was the only one that would, and I've lived sparsely since. Then I myself got sick. No one helped me, though I told my sister, and she seemed to enjoy hearing I was sick. I'm all I have, the other relatives are dead. My sister and her kids were right there after they died with their hands out.

I'm here writing, because it relieves my stress, and I listen to advice from those who may understand. I'm intelligent, but I do make dumb mistakes. My parents said I trusted too much.

What do you think? Should I lay it out to my nieces and nephews about their mother, the money I spent and what is owed me, and why haven't they themselves paid me back or even attempt to help me, their uncle. I hate to ask anyone for anything, but that phone call just now from my sister really made me mad. She eats steak, I eat whatever is cheap and I can afford. In reality, I don't care what she does with her own life, but I don't like her rubbing it in my face that I don't have any money, particularly since she and her kids owe me money and they continue to take from me. It's coming to the point where I may go to a judge and let the chips fall where they may.

For years my sister told me that myself and my whole family were the problems. My family always told me not to trust my sister. My oldest niece recently told me that they've heard bad things about their "Mommy" from everyone, but their "Mommy is wonderful and kind and the greatest person in the whole wide world."

I have to calm down, as I can feel my heart pounding. That phone call made me mad. Especially since my sister knows I am No Contact with her.

Thanks for listening to my rant, but I'm in a quandary like I said.

AncientSoul

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guitarman

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Re: How to proceed?
« Reply #1 on: July 06, 2016, 04:46:20 AM »
Hello AncientSoul.

Your sister sounds very much like my uBPD/uNPD sister. I can relate to much of what you write about. You aren't alone.

I know you've heard it all before but you do need legal advice and to act on it. If you can't afford the up front costs you might be able to go ahead on a no win no fee basis. That is something you would have to discuss with your solicitor.

You need a team of people working on your behalf. Let them have the responsibility of fighting for you. You have rights that are being abused. I hope all your paperwork is in order and that you can prove what has happened. Your sister sounds like a big bully. I know about that.

Your sister is abusing your right to live your life. She is very controlling.

My sister also considers herself to be a wonderful, kind person but she's not to her own family. She is so two faced.

Keep strong, keep calm, keep posting. We are all here to support you. Take legal action. Nothing will change otherwise.

Good luck.

Best wishes.
« Last Edit: July 06, 2016, 04:48:40 AM by guitarman »
"Do not let the behaviour of others destroy your inner peace." - Dalai Lama

"You don't have to be a part of it, you can become apart from it." - guitarman

"Be gentle with yourself, you're doing the best you can." - Anon

"If it hurts it isn't love." - Kris Godinez, counsellor and author

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Summer Sun

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Re: How to proceed?
« Reply #2 on: July 06, 2016, 12:30:41 PM »
I'm sorry for everything you are currently going through, as well, all you've carried for such a long time.  You are very compassionate, kind and so strong to have endured. 

It doesn't sound like approaching your neices and nephews would be fruitful. They've been told their mother's version and their loyalties will lie with her, as well, they live for free? Why would they entertain a story where they might need to come to the table themselves. 

You will never win your case or a disagreement with a BPD or Narc.  They are not capable of listening to reason, not capable of empathy, your sister obviously has no remorse or integrity which she has proven to you over and over again.  PD's will not agree with the courts or laws necessarily either, but do need to abide by them.  My suggestions are to hire a lawyer, go through the courts, finalize the estate, then sell one of the properties to pay for legal and provide a future income stream for yourself (seek qualified financial advisors with appropriate financial planning designations).  Let the lawyers advocate for you, relieves stresses for you to not have to deal with your sister.  Do not let her Hoover you subsequently once litigation is underway.  Your own health is a priority, only you can take control.

Wishing you success and a future filled with security, peace and love.

Summer Sun
"The opposite of Love is not Hate, it's Indifference" - Elie Wiesel

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AncientSoul

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Re: How to proceed?
« Reply #3 on: July 11, 2016, 01:45:23 PM »
Thank you for the kind replies. They all make sense and you are all correct. I'm holding myself back, but being told by my older sister since I was a child that I am "worthless and no good" makes it difficult even now. I fight constantly with those emotions despite my knowing they are not really true.

This weekend I had the opportunity to be on a camping trip with a loving family and group of friends. They had little kids camping for the first time ages 2 through 11. It reminded me of how my parents, aunts and uncles were when I was growing up. So much laughing, so many hugs. And the little kids took to me as always.

My sister was the only one to have kids, she had four. My mother, father, brother or myself were not included with them, unless it was totally on my sister's terms and strict guidance. This last weekend was an eye opener for me to how things should be. I am so grateful for being included.

One step at a time, moving forward. It is difficult but it must happen. This forum does give me strength. Thank you all.

AncientSoul
AncientSoul