anger issues in a non abusive partner??

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anger issues in a non abusive partner??
« on: July 06, 2016, 10:42:05 AM »
im not rlly sure where to post abt this, as its not rly relevant to the fact that were an lgbt+ couple, but i cant rlly find any other topic our situation can fit with....i just wanna ask abt some recent behaviours im seeing my partner. theyve always been very gentle, patient, and above all else, really needy and dependant on my attention. however recently, theyve been suffering brief flashes of anger- these really only last a couple seconds or so, and they usually only manifest in sudden angry texts expressing a desire to hurt people, or just keymashing in caps lock. however today, my partner was angry to the point where they were tried to break their mirror a couple of times.....can this be relevant to their dpd? do i need to give them more support?  i really dont want them to hurt themself, and i wanna care for them as best i can. they also suffer from ocd, paranoia, and trichotillomania if thats relevant.....tysm if you read this and thank u even more if you have any advice to give<3



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Re: anger issues in a non abusive partner??
« Reply #1 on: July 07, 2016, 01:35:33 PM »
Hi ev - It sounds like your partner's angry feelings are overwhelming them and are flashing in unexpected and painful ways. Do you feel you are safe from harm in these moments? Is your partner seeing a therapist who could help them work through all of this?

I was thinking while reading your post that anger serves an important purpose in our lives. It is there to protect us and alert us to danger. It is possible your partner is mistakenly assessing danger in whatever circumstances seem to trigger this angry response, but often in my own life I felt shamed by anger over appropriately assessed dangerous and disrespectful circumstances, and I pushed it down deep. Well, eventually it is going to come to the surface and often it does in inexplicable times and ways in my experience.

I am learning to pay attention to my anger, lean into it, and figure out what is behind it, then do what I need to do to deal with whatever is triggering this feeling. We make anger out to be a "bad" emotion when in fact it is a necessary and important emotion we need to learn to work with and through. I am wondering if your partner is feeling some of these same things when the anger overwhelms them?
"If you focus on the hurt, you will continue to suffer. If you focus on the lesson, you will continue to grow." Dr. Caroline Leaf

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