Facebook: the PD playground

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Lillith65

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Facebook: the PD playground
« on: July 17, 2016, 06:38:12 AM »
uPDS/GC has FB and it's the only contact that I have with her. I don't follow her and she doesn't get my posts because of my restrictions. I have a bad habit of checking her posts though - I know I shouldn't as it just makes me mad!
This week has been all about 'My Dad has cancer......my Mum is exhausted......He fell downstairs.......' As someone OOTF I can see it as hoovering: she's posting to acquaintances and distant cousins. I know that people are different in what they share on social media but this just seems like a shameless pity party to me. Unless of course I am a cold hearted bitch which seems to be the role I occupy in their minds.
Anyway she also posted that she'd visited and been driven by our Aunt and Uncle and then collected by our cousin. It was written as if I was not there and she didn't mention that I did a 22 mile round trip to collect her. She thanked 'Aunty and Uncle' (she often speaks in a baby voice even though she is late 40s), thanked our cousin and even apologised to cousin's wife for making him late home and finished off with 'wish I lived closer so that I could do more.' Following a long description of how ill they both look and how much they need help. She spent one night there!
Bear in mind this woman doesn't work, has adult children and a partner who works from home. In the last ten years she visited them twice. I was expected and went twice a year every year - despite a full time job and serious health problems!!
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm - anonymous.

Part of my story: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=54885.msg488293#msg488293
https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=54892.msg488385#msg488385

NC uPDM; NC uBPDSis

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Lillith65

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Re: Facebook: the PD playground
« Reply #1 on: July 17, 2016, 11:06:02 AM »
I found some information online about grown women talking in baby voices and it seems to fit: childhood trauma appears associated as well as a desire to manipulate.
http://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2002/apr/30/20020430-042342-4180r/
?PDs also seems stuck in the past as all she talks about is the past. In the car with my aunt they were talking about my aunt's grandaughter sharing with her baby brother, my sister's contribution was 'Judy's idea of sharing was to watch her eat it.' I am sitting right next to her, we are both grown ups. Let it go.
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm - anonymous.

Part of my story: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=54885.msg488293#msg488293
https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=54892.msg488385#msg488385

NC uPDM; NC uBPDSis

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caramelia

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Re: Facebook: the PD playground
« Reply #2 on: July 17, 2016, 01:34:26 PM »
I hear you. I started by 'unfollowing' my brother on FB. Then I set him to 'restricted'. When he started posting things on his page that were offensive, I couldn't stop looking and they were making me crazy. So I finally unfriended him so I wouldn't be tempted to look. I found it crazy-making.

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Irisheyes

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Re: Facebook: the PD playground
« Reply #3 on: July 20, 2016, 03:26:19 PM »
 I Just saw on FB a drama going on with a family that live in my area.  The Mother and Golden Child daughter use FB to make nasty comments about the other siblings. They make comments about how the others do nothing to help the mother and she is in such pain. The Father is very ill and in a NH and it seems GD has taken over and uses every chance on FB to guilt the others. The Mother posts quotes about 'your parents won't be here forever' and even more nasty things. I have some insight about the real facts in this situation but my point is how horrible is it that people use FB for family squabbles!! My Mother tries to guilt us on FB, but it doesn't work. Mother and her PD truly are the perfect playground as is with many others. Thanks for this great topic.

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Lillith65

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Re: Facebook: the PD playground
« Reply #4 on: July 20, 2016, 06:28:24 PM »
I really do find so much of FB passive aggressive, shameless guilt tripping or looking for head pats. A lot of what is posted only really makes sense to those who know what is really going on and any attempt to counter it just looks mean spirited and even crazy to outsiders!
I hate those memes about how great families/Dads/Mothers/siblings are ...........
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm - anonymous.

Part of my story: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=54885.msg488293#msg488293
https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=54892.msg488385#msg488385

NC uPDM; NC uBPDSis

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Candywarhol

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Re: Facebook: the PD playground
« Reply #5 on: July 22, 2016, 12:09:32 AM »
"Looking for headpats" is a really good way of putting it!
I'm LC-NC with my two sisters, was "friends" with one of them on FB until she posted cosy pics of herself and my other sister
on FB, one of them with a comment to the effect that "one person is missing from this pic", You'd think as we're three sisters, that she might be referring to me, the sister who is not in the pic but she made it clear she was talking about my other sister's friend of a couple of years who'd gone to the bathroom or something. I found it at best insensitive but at worst provoking, which is how it was probably meant!
Sickening beyond belief!

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Lillith65

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Re: Facebook: the PD playground
« Reply #6 on: July 23, 2016, 02:13:50 PM »
Definitely meant to provoke - and so childish!!
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm - anonymous.

Part of my story: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=54885.msg488293#msg488293
https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=54892.msg488385#msg488385

NC uPDM; NC uBPDSis

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Candywarhol

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Re: Facebook: the PD playground
« Reply #7 on: July 24, 2016, 08:05:44 AM »
and so childish!!

So much of their behaviour is so obviously childish and it's frustrating being an adult and still being upset by it.
I wish I could just shrug it off but I suppose because we were all kids together, they can still access that part
of me and get it to react. It's hard work building up boundaries to protect oneself from allowing that to happen.

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Lillith65

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Re: Facebook: the PD playground
« Reply #8 on: July 25, 2016, 02:36:32 PM »
You are absolutely right. It triggers those feelings even though we're adults now and it's so crazy making that even though we know what they are doing we still feel it!
You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm - anonymous.

Part of my story: https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=54885.msg488293#msg488293
https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=54892.msg488385#msg488385

NC uPDM; NC uBPDSis

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Candywarhol

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Re: Facebook: the PD playground
« Reply #9 on: July 25, 2016, 03:40:59 PM »
Yup!

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Iivefree

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Re: Facebook: the PD playground
« Reply #10 on: September 27, 2016, 03:41:43 PM »
I am LC/NC with my PD sister and dad. I don't have Facebook for this very reason. I realize I miss out on some things from people I actually would enjoy hearing from/ about but the price to pay is too high. PD family members love Facebook in all its glory. I'm sure for them it's great to get all this attention etc.. Not worth it for me at all. Yes I could block them but then they won't quit about that either. Things have been a little easier without having to deal with them and Facebook for sure!