Escaping disordered relativea by permanenr immigration?

  • 2 Replies
  • 940 Views
*

Axis

  • New Member
  • *
  • 11
Escaping disordered relativea by permanenr immigration?
« on: August 19, 2016, 02:37:04 AM »
So my p dad, mn sister and n aunt n uncle have basically screwed me up so bad i want to quit my studies and leave country RIGHT NOW permanentally as i cant focus, and i cant live with them. Caught between two abusive houses. F'ed up my exams because of their covert abuse. Everyone will blame/scapegoat me as "not studying" "being weak" you ___you have made me loose my willpower   

So yeah plesse ANY practical info about PERMANENT green card/ visa for pretty much any country(canada, the us, european anywhere)Please. I cant rely on my lying, manipulative, sadistic, dysfunctional, toxic, abusive relstives for genuine infor or help.

Costs invovled?
practicalities involved? What if i get stuck here permanentally as they sabotage this plan of mime as well??

Menial jobs??

*

Artsy

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • 286
Re: Escaping disordered relativea by permanenr immigration?
« Reply #1 on: August 19, 2016, 03:11:07 AM »
Axis 207,

I'm so sorry you're in distress. I know how it feels to be trapped in a family of PD's. May I suggest you try to find a counselor. While you may not feel like you need one, mental health counselors can help with some of the things you were asking about. Part of counseling is to advocate for people who are financially trapped, even just to offer advice and to help you connect to services that might help.

It's not much, but I think it might help. Ask around your community about getting a counselor. You could even just say it's to help you focus better on studies. Then someone can help you figure out what steps to take.

You're not alone! At least you can talk about your crazy family on here. But I do think it's extra hard if you're trapped. Warm wishes!!
"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone." Robin Williams.

*

sandpiper

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • 1800
Re: Escaping disordered relativea by permanenr immigration?
« Reply #2 on: September 07, 2016, 08:31:34 PM »
My experience is that it's well worth the investment in time & effort & money to go to therapy & learn how to set boundaries with them, create some emotional distance, so that you don't get caught up in the dysfunction, & develop a skill set that will help you build positive relationships with others.
FWIW though, if I had my time over and I knew what I know now, I think I'd move to the other side of the country and start over.
That said, I know that in my 20s & 30s I carried a lot of inner turmoil that meant I was attracted to friends & relationships that mimicked those I'd had with my family.
I had to work on what was inside of me so that I changed and learned how to develop a healthier 'picker'.
I'm all for creating geographic distance, but it's incredible how much of the dysfunction you internalise and carry around with you -  so just be prepared to work hard on creating change within yourself, whether you move or no.
FWIW I moved cities so that I could manage my tertiary studies and I was much happier, more relaxed, and did better in my studies.
My mistake was that I got sucked into going back - sick relative - worst mistake I ever made, but at least it pushed me into a breakdown that led to therapy, and that early intervention probably saved me.
A T that I saw in my mid-30s told me that she moved to the other side of the world to get away from her family, and it was the best decision she'd ever made. But she did add the caveat that you have to work on yourself.
I'm sorry about your studies - can you go and talk to a counsellor at your school and see what other options are available?