'I feel like I have lost part of me'

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SeasonsChange

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Re: 'I feel like I have lost part of me'
« Reply #60 on: August 25, 2016, 07:32:38 PM »
Thank you Reda, that book looks good. I've ordered a copy. I definitely think my mother is emotionally immature.

I'm ready to work on changing that pattern of needing so much from others around me. I feel sometimes I must be exhausting. I want to be fun to be around!

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Sunshine days

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Re: 'I feel like I have lost part of me'
« Reply #61 on: August 26, 2016, 09:43:35 PM »
    :wave: How's it going seasons change? Lots to process and work through. I think the immaturity ties in with the karpman triangle ( drama)  :stars: we didn't half get roped in to it and our sensitive feelings used, I saw a stage in my recovery where I just wanted to say f**k  :doh: it and I am not a swearer but would it of really felt good, I doubt it in the long run , it would of been a stunted pothole to fall down , so happy I am getting there and so will you. I have ordered a book to recommended by madana called feeling wisdom working with emotions. It's just what I need in my healing , trying to regain your lost part it's hard work there's no quick fix, don't give up on yourself and say f**k it , lol lol  :yeahthat:

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SeasonsChange

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Re: 'I feel like I have lost part of me'
« Reply #62 on: August 27, 2016, 05:18:36 AM »
Hey Sunshine :) thanks for checking in. I actually nearly sent you a PM the other day but I felt perhaps I should work through my question myself.

I am doing ok, I haven't heard anything and that's............weird for me. I keep getting pangs of guilt and anxiety but I am trying to feel them, acknowledge they are there and move on. I realised that I have been asking too much of the support around me, asking for too much reassurance. I need to find a way to trust myself. I ordered the book I need your love, is that true? By Byron Katie about trusting yourself. That book you got looks good, please let me know what you think. I've been reading Joyful Wisdom by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche. I really like his other book The Joy of Living. It does have a Buddhist slant but it's more about managing difficult emotions and anxiety with meditation.

I have found my stress levels have decreased and that's helped my physical illness to start healing. That's got to tell me something right?? I am mainly struggling with the fact that I am 'the baddy' in all of this. I like too much to be the 'good guy'. I hope you are doing well and have a good weekend. :)

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Sunshine days

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Re: 'I feel like I have lost part of me'
« Reply #63 on: August 27, 2016, 08:16:21 AM »
Hi SC, Private message me anytime, don't be hard on yourself . I know what you mean about being a burden on everyone else, we had no emotional support growing up so we are doing it ourselves now, I thought I wouldn't make it through but I loved myself better, I still have tough days but getting there.  I thought  i would get of this crazy road at some point but I have accepted it's a journey, it's a part of my life and I have to learn to lock it away and grow from it. I leaned on a very good friend at one point we helped each other through a difficult time and I realised I had come out of co dependency ( like u ) to be anchored to a friend but God put her there for me and we helped each other ( long story but our paths become one) . I said to her are we having a co dependant repaltionship and she said sort of, now we aren't but it helped me at the time to stand upright, so remember we are allowed help ( be kind to yourself) . Your always going to be the bad guy right? Anything you do is wrong , there perfect , hard pill to swallow but it helps us grow , the truth will set you free. If she cared she would show it ? Right? So nothing weird about you haven't heard anything, your seeing the real thing bit by bit and because you are use to drama the quietness is hard for you, I went through that too, I had to sit with myself and stop having ants in my pants , I think that was part of my PTSD but my physical health got better and so did my ants in my pants lol. This is one of my first books that isn't about narcissism . You need to learn first about how a narc operates there's no quick fix , if we are in the game we need to wise up and beat them at their own game which is no contact. We can never play a narc at their own game there manipulation is light years Ahead of a non pd. protect yourself and get out is the very best way to win over a narc, you are just left to get over the grief and loneliness that is a final present to. I think you are experiencing a empty shell , feel the silencing of yourself , this is the denial of your feelings. Here is a link for you to read. http://www.new-synapse.com/aps/wordpress/?p=296

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SeasonsChange

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Re: 'I feel like I have lost part of me'
« Reply #64 on: August 27, 2016, 10:12:50 AM »
Thank you for that link, I actually saw a review on Amazon that said a similar thing. It's a risk isn't it? Reaching out for an answer in a book when I just need to work through it. I'm so worried about becoming codependent on someone, I really just want to be self reliant i think I have become addicted to reassurance.

You're totally right, if either her or my GC sister cared they would have bothered. Or they would have been there for me over the years. Or they would have at least attempted to try to see my point of view. I'm not worth the effort to them. That makes me feel a bit worthless. But I'm trying not to hold on to that victim status. I want to be that positive person who doesn't need desperately for people to feel for her and her story. I don't know how to find that balance to be 'normal'.


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Sunshine days

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Re: 'I feel like I have lost part of me'
« Reply #65 on: August 27, 2016, 09:37:49 PM »
Thank you for that link, I actually saw a review on Amazon that said a similar thing. It's a risk isn't it? Reaching out for an answer in a book when I just need to work through it. I'm so worried about becoming codependent on someone, I really just want to be self reliant i think I have become addicted to reassurance.

You're totally right, if either her or my GC sister cared they would have bothered. Or they would have been there for me over the years. Or they would have at least attempted to try to see my point of view. I'm not worth the effort to them. That makes me feel a bit worthless. But I'm trying not to hold on to that victim status. I want to be that positive person who doesn't need desperately for people to feel for her and her story. I don't know how to find that balance to be 'normal'.
You will find it SC, you are doing it now but you have to trust people on here to help you though. We where never good enough, so once we see it's not us but it's them then we can work through this. Detachment is what is needed to get away from feeling co dependant , once you master this you feel better. Trust me x

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SeasonsChange

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Re: 'I feel like I have lost part of me'
« Reply #66 on: August 28, 2016, 07:52:41 AM »
You will find it SC, you are doing it now but you have to trust people on here to help you though. We where never good enough, so once we see it's not us but it's them then we can work through this. Detachment is what is needed to get away from feeling co dependant , once you master this you feel better. Trust me x

Thank you Sunshine :) I look forward to feeling less codependent, it really is exhausting always looking for others to make you feel better. Especially since I realised its never enough and I end up feeling weaker and with lower self esteem afterwards. I feel guilty relying on others like I'm being selfish and self centred. I'm trying to be ok with expressing my feelings, so used burying them and acting like there is nothing wrong. I've been a fake in that way for so long, it feels weird to share with people.

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Reda

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Re: 'I feel like I have lost part of me'
« Reply #67 on: August 29, 2016, 11:43:27 AM »
... if either her or my GC sister cared they would have bothered. Or they would have been there for me over the years. Or they would have at least attempted to try to see my point of view. I'm not worth the effort to them. That makes me feel a bit worthless.

Don't ever define your "worth" based on how a PD treats you.  They are flawed, incomplete humans, and you deserve so much better than that.  Pity them if you need to, but don't look to them for any type of validation, especially something as important as self worth.
« Last Edit: August 29, 2016, 11:45:08 AM by Reda »
Don't feed the Narcissist

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SeasonsChange

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Re: 'I feel like I have lost part of me'
« Reply #68 on: August 30, 2016, 05:48:00 PM »
Don't ever define your "worth" based on how a PD treats you.  They are flawed, incomplete humans, and you deserve so much better than that.  Pity them if you need to, but don't look to them for any type of validation, especially something as important as self worth.

Thank you I know you're right really, it's just hard to start with when it's your family isn't it? I think as a society we grow up believing are parents are right. When you realise they aren't everything becomes easier, just takes time I guess.

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Sunshine days

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Re: 'I feel like I have lost part of me'
« Reply #69 on: August 30, 2016, 09:18:04 PM »


Thank you Sunshine :) I look forward to feeling less codependent, it really is exhausting always looking for others to make you feel better. Especially since I realised its never enough and I end up feeling weaker and with lower self esteem afterwards. I feel guilty relying on others like I'm being selfish and self centred. I'm trying to be ok with expressing my feelings, so used burying them and acting like there is nothing wrong. I've been a fake in that way for so long, it feels weird to share with people.
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I think you feeling guilty stems from your dad pushing you away and to sort out your own problems , like there's something wrong with you so you think you are being selfish and self centred . So you act as though there's nothing wrong . A normal family who love each other talk through their problems and offer support , nothing is to much . So you never learned a two way convo , just that your a problem who is needy sensitive and annoying. Once you unlock your buried feelings it won't feel weird , you will see they are weird broken unhealthy people who don't want a relationship only someone to admire them 24/7 , they have nothing to give they a empty. X

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SeasonsChange

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Re: 'I feel like I have lost part of me'
« Reply #70 on: August 31, 2016, 06:13:36 AM »
I think you feeling guilty stems from your dad pushing you away and to sort out your own problems , like there's something wrong with you so you think you are being selfish and self centred . So you act as though there's nothing wrong . A normal family who love each other talk through their problems and offer support , nothing is to much . So you never learned a two way convo , just that your a problem who is needy sensitive and annoying. Once you unlock your buried feelings it won't feel weird , you will see they are weird broken unhealthy people who don't want a relationship only someone to admire them 24/7 , they have nothing to give they a empty. X

YES! I have been realising this lately. They do feel that it's selfish and self centred. I really feel that I have been relying on them desperately trying to get them to give me something that they can't/won't give.

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Sunshine days

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Re: 'I feel like I have lost part of me'
« Reply #71 on: August 31, 2016, 06:52:52 AM »
Seasons change, Yes , that's it  they do feel your being selfish and self centred because its a excuse to cover up their behaviour so they can keep on abusing you by saying you are being selfish and self centred then you try not to be selfish and give them more admiration and attention. Mine use to say I was being sensitive when I disagreed with her , I wasnt allowed an opinion so I rarely spoke and agreed with everything she said as not to upset her as she hates critism because of her fragile ego. It is them who are so self absorbed not us that's why we are trying to recover on this forum, get healthy and reverse our thinking and accept the truth.

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SeasonsChange

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Re: 'I feel like I have lost part of me'
« Reply #72 on: August 31, 2016, 03:26:00 PM »
Same here I kept quiet with everyone and said what was needed to keep the peace.

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Sunshine days

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Re: 'I feel like I have lost part of me'
« Reply #73 on: August 31, 2016, 08:12:52 PM »
Looks like seasons change is no longer with us.

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ambrosina

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Re: 'I feel like I have lost part of me'
« Reply #74 on: September 01, 2016, 07:17:25 AM »
Hope everything goes Well with her

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Sunshine days

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Re: 'I feel like I have lost part of me'
« Reply #75 on: September 01, 2016, 07:24:30 AM »
Hope everything goes Well with her
Yes, me to . Therapy is hard work , it takes years and years to dig ourselves out of the rubble. Having no safety net as children and emerging from brokeness to find out what you do is tough going. I found my freedom and safety net in God, I don't know how other people survive it without God ambrosina