Am I seeing patterns where there are none?

[Warrior84]

I have a very good memory and I can remember my childhood very easily. My earliest memories start at around 18-24 months. I'm also occasionally surprised by new very early memories.

This morning when I woke up I remembered that my parents used to ask a 6-7 year old boy from the orphanage to come over on weekends. There are also a couple of photos of the two of us together. My parents considered adopting the boy at one point until his biological mother insisted that they adopt his younger brother too and then everything fell through.

I'm finding this story very strange. I was only one at the time. My sister came along a year later (i.e. she's two years younger than me). Who considers adopting a six year old boy when they're still quite busy with a year old daughter? I wouldn't mind having an adopted brother although for his sake I'm glad it never happened.

However this shows me that I was unwanted? I'm feeling that I must have been a disappointment to them quite early in life.

There's also another story I remembered recently. I have brown eyes and brown hair. All members of my family are blond. I used to get teased by my older cousins every week saying, we don't like children with brown eyes and hair. They used to enjoy seeing me distraught. I was 4 at the time. They were about 8 or 9.

They would keep up the teasing until one of their mothers (my aunts) would step in. My mother never stopped the teasing. This went on for a year until one of my kinder cousins advised me not to look so distressed and I remember actually practising it with her.

I apologise for the long post but what I'm trying to say is that it seems that my parents have been disappointed in me and encouraged derision towards me from a very young age. I know the stories sound silly and sometimes I wonder if I'm being too harsh on my parents.

[frogjumpsout]

Blossoms, I just saw this and wanted to reply---many years later---that I don't think you're imagining things, that often PD parents do things like this, which are hurtful, but deniable, and that I'm sorry for the pain you went through when you were so young.

[11JB68]

This is interesting, about the orphan.
I can see non pd parents adopting another child for positive reasons, but I assume your feelings about this were intuitive and correct.
My own ubpdm would basically brag/was righteously indignant about only having one child (me), yet she was constantly 'adopting' (not really) other kids, calling my friend her 'other daughter', even had a young neighbor girl over for a sleep over once, which seemed odd to me even at the time, now out seems downright creepy and inappropriate.

[Recreatingmylife]

I find this interesting. I have a relative that is undiagnosed... but the features are there. She has several children... and then wanted to adopt from another country... it did not happen... but it was a ... look at me... I am so wonderful and giving....attempt.