Peace shattered, naturally.

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Peace shattered, naturally.
« on: September 12, 2016, 12:40:31 AM »
So in early August the bottom fell out of my life, which was the news that family members who had been providing child care for DS while I work at night would no longer do so. Since I was planning to get a day job when DS started school anyway, this would not have been a big deal, except the family members pulled out, without warning, before I had a chance to do so, leaving me scrambling for child care and also facing an inevitable fight with NPDxh.

For six weeks I've been scrambling to find child care, look for jobs (a part-time job to cover the cost of the sudden child care, while I also look for full-time day work), arguing with NPDxh nearly every day, while also still working full time, commuting, still having primary care of DS, and prepping him for kindergarten, and all those adjustments.

Miraculously, I managed to secure all that, and even managed to score interviews already, and almost got a job already! But it fell through at the last.

Despite the ongoing stressors, I've been calm, cool and collected and handling things like a boss. On the outside, anyway.

Today is the first day I have felt caught up and at peace in a long time. I mean, the search for a job is ongoing, but things had settled with NPDxh and DS and the child care, and I felt like today was the first day I could focus on normal things and not be so super stressed out, putting out fires all day.

Then, there was an incident with DS where he is sick and not handling the transition to the new child care I have set up. He's sick, he's not feeling well, he wants his mother.

Now NPDxh is all riled up and threatening, adding chaos to the situation. Our custody can only be changed by court, but I'm not even sure if he knows that. We just wrapped up arguing about the child care all month, now he's threatening to upend all that and do ... what? I don't know where he's going with this but he's all drama and chaos.

Jesus. We were already arguing over the weekend about me asking him not to discuss adult matters in front of DS.

I was already floored again, anew, by NPDxh's flat-out denials, distortions, illogical arguments and the like, and now this. On top of more contact with him in the past month than we've had probably in the past year.

It's so easy to get sucked in! They are so crazy!!! He has no idea what he's talking about! He just states things that are unequivocally not true! He flat-out denies things for which I have proof! DS has been sick, NPDxh claims he's not, or he argues about the degree of it. He literally reversed himself from one  sentence to the next, first inviting me to ask him questions and saying he'd be more than happy to answer them, then stating that he was done answering my questions. What?! Questions that he never even answered, by the way, so how can he be "done."

I asked him to not do X and Y to DS, and he just changed the subject and said I was simply trying to provoke him.

Ughhhhhhhh!!!!! And to think, the worst thing I thought I had to deal with tonight was a sick child. ... How do the PDs get away with their nonsense????!!!!!!!!

I hate being in this position, vulnerable to the PD. Trying to stay calm but they make it so hard to stay above the chaos. I feel too much like the early days, when I was just discovering how crazy he was, and how unbelievable it was, how his crazy is so hard to "prove," how we come across as the crazy ones trying to explain it.

He just states things that aren't true, that I have no way of proving otherwise. I see now how me NOT staying calm before made things worse. If I'd known then what I know now .... I manage to deal with him a lot better, but it's always just so hard. All I want to do is protect my son from this insanity.



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Re: Peace shattered, naturally.
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2016, 03:39:33 AM »
Hi ANL, it is so, so hard to counteract the lies. Towards the end of my marriage I simply started to ignore them. Just stick to what you know is true (ie the court order), and let the N worry about whether he can do/change anything. In fact, can you go lower contact with him? My Nexh sends me all kinds of hoovering emails about having dinner with him, then threatening ones about how I am an irresponsible parent during my time, then again with some dribble about how he has "changed".... Blah blah blah. I often write him back, "PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME AGAIN EXCEPT REGARDING THE HEALTH AND WELFARE OF X" and it shuts him up for awhile. Aaaarrrggghhh I feel ya!!!