36 yo Male conned by a 44 yo Female Narc

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36 yo Male conned by a 44 yo Female Narc
« on: September 18, 2016, 05:36:38 AM »
Hi There Everyone,

The thought of writing my entire story here is very exhausting let alone doing it. But I am sure that the right thing to do for the community here is to share my story first before posting on the specific topics.

I am about 3 weeks out from the last discard. The "Grand Finale" so to speak. The relationship "con job" lasted 6 months only, though they were intense as any, and had nearly all that time together (4-5 days/nights a week)..she did not manage to completely destroy me.

The first 2 weeks, I was in no state to be able to come on here and do this. But I read a bunch of books of NPD and it was literally like the writers had been there during my relationship and written it out Verbatim! (I am sure that a lot of you have had this same feeling, when you started to discover that these people we used to believe and love, are simply predictable and well studied)

Mine NPD turned out to be a life long sex addict and predator,
Cheating her entire life, multiple men, cheated with at least 15 men (That I absolutely know of) during her 20 year marriage on her husband before me.
Her kids dont know this, neither does the ex husband.
She cheated on me, once that I know of, after obtaining Narc Injury from me slamming down her bullshit and not talking to her for a day. (One Day = Cheat) ..lol
She did the love bombing
She did the future faking to a very high degree
Then she continually moved the goal posts, the moving in together date, the future faked liners were obviously never going to happen
After the radical discard and her fake manipulation tears, there were my tears and begging and I remember her blank stare..the stare of the "blockage" between human empathy and the challenged half self these people have.

Even after I left there was the bullshit messages "I will always love you" ..."You are my special man".."My heart aches for you everyday".. Meanwhile as I still had access to her computer (Long Story) I could see simultaneously to these messages that she was messaging prior sexual lovers that she used to cheat on her husband with ..ONE DAY after grand finale..!! (Remember the 15?...yeah she started texting them again, especially the married ones) ..

NPD's dont cheat out of "neglect and poor housewife" reasons, they cheat 100% based on power and predatory behaviour. Every person is prey and there to feed their leaking ego. Every sexual message thread I saw of hers to men was of an "outbound" nature.

Anyway, after all the discoveries and confirmations, the absolute critical mass of lies and immorality in this individual, pretty much was the cure for any drop of love I had for her..I mean lets face it, had she not done the cold discard and blamed me when she did etc.. Then eventually I would have had enough, she would have cuckholded me like her husband, and she would have met my wrath....which brings me to my next point...

I am a survivor of BPD, which I cured through therapy and being alone for extended periods of time. (i did not know this during the relationship, as I was still fearing abandonment, I thought it was my BPD coming back after 10 years, but in fact this was more a manufactured feeling created by the Narc..)

The reason I know I got over the BPD is because, even though I struggled to keep control with the NPD woman, and I occasionally put her in a position of fear of my emotional states, the actual abandonment by an NPD was no where near as bad or hurtful as when I was in my 20's.... The "rage" of BPD is still there, but not the suicide/depression/selfharm stuff, I dont feel like I will evaporate without them.. I know I just will have a few weeks of sadness and loss and move on.. BPD can get better, the main thing is that we actually DO CARE about other peoples feelings..and feel genuine regret for bad actions..This is not the case with NPD.. I had with this woman basically just a blanket mistrust of women in general before I met her, which is why I was so bad a supply for her. Her every move was under surveillance. Its also why her cheating and texting guys behaviour was always known to me. Mainly because 1. I am smarter than her 2. Always a step ahead of her. 3. Didn't trust her to begin with

I was terrible supply for her, I managed to ride the wave a bit on the love bombing phase though, she was really rich and I wasn't when we met. So I used her status to get me a better job with more money at a related company in her industry, and then also I used her credit to buy a nice car (as I had no car at the time when we met) which I paid off and every cent by the way was paid by me!!.. It was just credit in her name. We had a contract (because I am smart and made her sign it in the love bombing phase) which she must adhere too.

I have also avoided the "flying monkeys" and the "smear campaign" as well, since I hold the keys of knowledge and proof of her cemetery in the closet, and she dare not say a bad word about someone who can literally bring her life to ruins..

I know it sounds angry guys, and it is.. I am indeed. But when someone actually sets out to use people, their love is a lie, they lie as often as they draw breath, they cheat every chance they get, they gaslight, they prevent reconcilliations, they prevent closure, they hoover, they have no empathy for others pain.. then why do I owe some"thing" like that any mercy that humans deserve.? I dont..

Dont let everyone say "you have to forgive them"..why? why would you ever forgive them, just accept reality. They are half humans. No need to forgive, forgiveness to me would imply they are fully human. Pfft..

You don't need to forgive them to have a happy life, just aim at forgetting them, my goal is to forget her face, forget her voice, and one day to forget her name.

I am 36 and have a lot of years to go to fill these synapses with good memories, I don't have the space for this crap.. So my goal is to be rid of cog diss in 30 days, that started about 14 days ago, and I think I am almost 100% there already.

All the best



« Last Edit: September 19, 2016, 03:48:19 PM by moglow »

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practical

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Re: 36 yo Male conned by a 44 yo Female Narc
« Reply #1 on: September 18, 2016, 08:30:54 AM »
Welcome to Out of the FOG -

I'm sorry about your recent experience with a woman you suspect of having NPD. To better take care of yourself in the future as well as now while you are trying to heal I recommend you check out the Toolbox     . I hope you don't see her professionally and are able to have clear break.

Because you have identified yourself as someone who suffers or has suffered from BPD,  we want to make sure you're aware of a couple of things as you settle in.

Out of the FOG is a community dedicated to offering support and information to people who have a loved one or family member who suffers from a personality disorder. That doesn't necessarily exclude those who also have a PD from participating but the rule is we come here to discuss our relationship issues as they pertain to the other people in our lives with a PD, and not PD recovery issues as they pertain to the self. If you suffer from, or suspect you suffer from a personality disorder, we welcome your participation as long as the discussion still revolves around dealing with the loved ones in your life with a PD and not on your own recovery from a PD.   

Also, we'd like you to be aware that people at a site like this are often hurting a great deal.  They come here needing a safe place to vent about how they may have been hurt by the person in their life with a PD.  At times, these comments can be harsh. Reading them may trigger you, if you are not far enough along in your own recovery to let these comments pass without becoming upset or attempting to speak on behalf of others with personality disorders.

Thanks for your understanding, and again Welcome to Out of the FOG.
If Im not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when Im only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when? (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)

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Re: 36 yo Male conned by a 44 yo Female Narc
« Reply #2 on: September 19, 2016, 06:53:08 AM »
Hi There,

I am actually looking for a section which deals in recovery for people who have been victims of Narcissistic Abuse. This is precisely why I titled my post this way as well. The sounds of your post suggests that this is not the right place? or you do not have an understanding of this particular disorder and the affect it has on the people who are in romantic relationships with the disordered.  Anger is a part of the healing process and I am happy to share mine and help the people who also need this validation, and their own anger to come out. 

Being through a C-PTSD experience from a relationship with a NPD/Psychopath is a very serious thing indeed. Possibly you have not been through this?
You surely do not want to invalidate those people's feelings? Or my own.
There are many places on the internet, available for people to trigger themselves. My title of my post shows its about a relationship with a Narc.
I can also guarantee you, if you learn about NPD these people will not be "triggered" by anything I say on here. Nor will they likely be here.

Come on mate, let the abused people heal.

I suggest you read the books, "Psychopath Free" and "When Love is a Lie"

Like I said, this is no joke, not a time to play politically correct, twist language and defend people who their disorder is basically a synonym for "abuser".

« Last Edit: September 19, 2016, 07:43:42 AM by xredshoesx »

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Re: 36 yo Male conned by a 44 yo Female Narc
« Reply #3 on: September 19, 2016, 07:42:56 AM »
the experience with abuse is based on what the members share, and there is no doubt in my mind that members have discussed narcissistic abuse in their threads.  if you want a specific thread you can search for the topic or start your own.  please do remember that this is not professional medical advice and cannot replace treatment with a medical doctor.  you may want to check out the disclaimer:

http://outofthefog.website/disclaimer/

since we  welcome  parties with both PD/ uPD, it is possible that someone with N tendencies or an N diagnosis has posted here about their own PD partner/parent/child, however most parties with PD/ uPD have self identified with BPD as yourself.  as long as people self identifying with PD post about their relationships with their PD/ uPD person and not their own recovery, the posts will be within site guidelines and will not be removed.

it sounds like you are looking for more of a professional relationship.  perhaps that would be a better way to get specific advice regarding your situation.

also, we do not encourage off board communications so that members may remain anonymous.  we strongly suggest that all discussions remain on the main boards so that anyone reading can benefit from the conversation.