My sister - it never ends with the gaslighting/manipulation (am NC as of today)

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bamboo78

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Boy oh boy. Haven't been here in a while.

My sister is diagnosed BPD, untreated, but I think she may have dependent PD as well.

She didn't speak to me through her entire pregnancy 13 years ago and didn't tell me why, though I suspected it was that I wasn't as enthusiastic about an untreated single PD person bringing a child into the world. Anyway....

This year she told me it was because I had demanded she have an abortion. I did no such thing and never would say that to anyone. We got in a huge argument over it - I was more angry at her for this accusation than I've ever been at her in our lives.

Then, the topic for today - all of a sudden, true to form and both our upbringing, she pretended this argument never happened. As if my feelings and anger meant nothing. It's like the reverse silent treatment and totally dismissive. My mother does the same thing to both of us.We were raised this way. I'm the opposite.

My sister has been texting me every day with pictures of my nephew for the past week. It's a group text. Every day I start off furious that she has totally ignored my feelings about her false accusation. I love to get pictures of my nephew - but I cannot have that level of contact with this person - and will not just "get over" what she did. No apology, nothing.

So I email her to tell her (admittedly very angrily) how I feel about this - that she is 40 years old and needs to be responsible for her behavior and statements to others - that this has been an issue our whole lives..

Her response: "I thought you might enjoy seeing (my nephew's name). Obviously I was wrong. I will never bother you again. Goodbye."

It never ends!!!!!

I need to be comfortable with NC. And honestly, I would be, I just hate to be NC with my nephew :(
Also someday my mother will need care or pass away, my sister is a mile away, I'm around 1000 miles away. There will be issues. I guess can be handled through lawyers.

What a mess but if I can only stop expecting it to get better I'll be better off...

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bamboo78

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Oh well.never mind

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Deb2

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Hi bamboo78,

I had nieces who were young when my sister went through one of her silent tratment phases. It hurt. In fact, she used her children as weapons against me. I could be in their lives and they loved me then wham! I was not allowed contact. However, as they are no adults, I have a relationship with all of them. Someday, your nephew will be an adult and maybe you can have a relationship him.

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littlemisssunshine

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Pregnancy really enhanced my golden child sisters narcissistic behaviour, i walked away been no contact about 4 years, i miss having a relationship with my nephew and i worry about he will be treated when the new baby comes (i heard she is pregnant again), but what can you do, she made me feel like I was going mental and i nearly had a breakdown, i thought a lot about suicide because of her and my parents but i clung on and dragged myself up and along i have really bad days and better days, i doubt I will ever speak to her again because I will never tolerate her behaviour.


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RamblingRose

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Bamboo78,

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this with your sister.

Your words struck me like a lightning bolt, though. The text she sent back to you about "I'll never bother you again. Goodbye" - my own BPD sister could have written it. My God.

It is shocking how similarly BPD people act to one another.

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this pain. I have only recently gone NC with my sister, and I'm grieving. It's so, so hard.

But I keep thinking, if this was a boyfriend or my husband, would I stay? No, no, no. I wouldn't let anyone who isn't family treat me this way. So why should I let my sister treat me this way?

Stay strong.