Silent treatment or discard?

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snickers

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Silent treatment or discard?
« on: October 05, 2016, 03:01:41 AM »
Silent treatment or discard?

Hi all, so I just wanted to get people's thoughts on this.

I've known this N for over a year. He pursued me and love bombed me hard, got me, broke up my engagement, treated me like a fill in girlfriend, then FWB/booty call. Leaving me addicted to him, a wreck, and my life turned upside down. I'm now seeing a psychologist, have anxiety and depression, lots of left over trauma. He was a covert and got physical with me one time.

This past summer I started to lose my sh*t on him, a few times telling him stuff like I felt I was only good for the benefits, that I felt he only came around when he wanted something, that I was a back up plan, felt used, got hurt. He only had excuses and lies. Nothing changed after that, it didn't faze him. He saw it as a challenge. After a huge day of idealization and then devaluation right after, I lost it on him. After he played a HUGE mind f*ck on me and watched me with a smirk on his face as I tried to hold it together, I texted him afterwards and told him I couldn't do this anymore, that I couldn't be his friend. Then I tried back peddling, ended up apologizing. That didn't seem to faze him, I saw him afterwards one time. The next morning as he was leaving I think he said under his breath "you do you" and I haven't really heard from him since. Except for 2 middle of the night booty calls. I took him off my social media shortly after that but he added me back to Snapchat (no attempts to add me back to FB or IG- I got new accounts) and views all my stories.  My friend who had him on her FB, IG and SC blocked and deleted him (she hates him and what he's done to me). So he knows something is up. He sent me a couple snapchats a few weeks ago and I responded a 1 word answer but it's been silence. No texts, nothing. What was that about? He got a response from me was that good enough for him at the time? Was he gauging my mood towards him? This is the longest we've ever gone without talking or seeing each other, even while he's pursued other girls. And any other time he felt he was "losing"' me he'd go into hardcore pursue mode, asking to see me, get together, even coming into my place of work to try and catch me. This time... nothing. I've seen him once in a 3 month period. For about a year I was his main girl and we were a constant in each other's lives, only going weeks at a time without hearing from him (after the love bombing, where I heard from him all day every day). A few weeks ago his friend out of the blue called me and asked me for drinks. I said I couldn't. It tried setting up a hang out with him the next weekend, he agreed then flaked on me, texting me a few days later that he was sick. That is the same kind of behaviour the N pulled with me. My friends thought it was actually the N texting me from his friends phone. I had a feeling the N might have been behind it all. His friend hasn't contacted me since, and he always had an interest in me.

Why did he add me back to Snapchat but he's not talking to me? Why did his friend contact me? Does this mean he's still keeping me on his radar? I just don't know what to expect. I'm trying to move on with my life now but I'm scared he's going to randomly swoop in and wreck any progress I've made.

I wonder if this is a final discard because I called him out on his crappy treatment of me and he might think I'm too much work now. Or if it's a long silent treatment because I got "crazy" and "dramatic" on him and he wants to give me time to forget what a piece of sh*t he is. But I suspect he met someone too.

He knows I'm mad, he knows how I feel and I think he's a coward and he's just done. He knows I know what he is and he doesn't want to deal with that. He knows there is a conversation waiting for him if/when he contacts me or sees me and he's too lazy. Am I right?

Thoughts?

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Arya

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Re: Silent treatment or discard?
« Reply #1 on: November 28, 2016, 10:07:46 AM »
I'm so sorry you are experiencing this. As someone who has been thru it, the silver lining is, in future when the wounds heal, you'll be "once bitten twice shy" and see this type of partner for what they are a mile away.

IMO this guy is playing a bait game with you. He puts out the bait to see if you'll grab at it. You are hurt and emotional, every time you feel the tug back to him and take some of this bait...he enjoys that power/control fix. When you become upset, emotional and express you pain/feelings...he feeds off it. You mentioned him smirking as you lost it emotionally. This is so classic, they enjoy/feed off pushing your pain so they can flip it around and say "see, you are the one acting badly, not me". They bring out our worst by busting boundaries and inflicting pain...then laugh point the finger.

IMO go no contact. Don't have him on any social media stuff. You need space to heal and not get drawn back into his game while you are vulnerable and in pain.

This process of disconnecting, healing yourself, repairing what was mixed up, it's hard and it hurts. But, you will definitely come out the other side of it wiser and healthier, ready to move on in your life with fresh healthy perspectives.

Big hug, you can do this. It definitely will be ok! Hang in there!

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SunnyandBright

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Re: Silent treatment or discard?
« Reply #2 on: November 30, 2016, 07:18:01 PM »
He is using you to feed his ego.   You can rip the band aid off now - go NC, and have it hurt, but get over it.   Or - you can keep letting him into your life (no matter how small) and it's like ripping off that band aid a little bit at a time --- plus, every time you see him or communicate with him - you get a brand new band aid, and it all starts over.   You need to realize he will not change.   So you can be in this position as long as you want - ripping off band aids slowly and painfully --- or you can rip it once and be done.   

The good thing?  Once you've gone through this and do the hard thing of going NC -- and getting out on the other side successfully, it will be easy to do it the next time (with another person) if you need to.   You'll know that you can survive. 

Meanwhile - be good to yourself!  Do things that make you feel great - eat right, exercise, style your hair differently, buy a new item of clothing or shoes, make new friends, etc.   He's got you conned into believing he is special and that you need him, or at the very least, that losing him is losing something great.  What a con! 
You are in his spell.  Break it, and believe me - this time next year (if you do it now) you will barely remember him, except to think "WTF was I ever thinking!"   

Or you can keep going -- and next year at this time, this will still be your life.