"Understanding the Borderline Mother"

Started by all4peace, October 14, 2016, 07:37:57 AM

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AliceNWonderland

Quote from: mangywolf on December 29, 2017, 09:11:58 AM
I got an Amazon gift card from my uBPD mother for Xmas. I bought this book with it. That felt pretty great. Thanks for the book mom. 8-)
AWESOME :thumbup:

Fightsong

Oh God, hidden within the pages of this book are the truths of my life. It reminds me of the line ' strumming my pain with his fingers, telling my  life with his words'.  This book tells my life. it tells my goddam life.

louisebt

yeah I get that fightsong. When I read the hermit sections I was totally creeped out. It was like she had observed my childhood and then was writing about it in the third person. But I keep going back to it, it is gold in understanding how things operate with BPD mothers.

carrots

I had to buy a new copy too. Don't live in an English-speaking country so not available at library etc. I also used birthday money from FOO.  ;D

Just got it day before yesterday and couldn't put it down once started reading. Then got a bit triggered cuz as moglow (?) says upthread it's a hard read.

I knew from descriptions on here that M is a Witch, but the examples in the book also show Queen. What a combo! I think further reading and digesting is going to bring a few breakthroughs.

louisebt

Now my mother has passed, I would like to pass my copy of this book onto someone else whose need might be more urgent. It's a real gem. DM me. No charge except posting if international. Thanks

moglow

💜 that you're offering this, Louise - thats a pricey book but we'll worth it. I did the same with mine. Mother's not gone, but my need for UTBM is.
"She had not known the weight until she felt the freedom." ~Nathaniel Hawthorne, The Scarlet Letter
"Expectations are disappointments under construction." ~Capn Spanky, The Nook circa 2005ish

NotFooled

Quote from: moglow on March 18, 2017, 02:49:54 PM
It is an incredibly difficult read, DJ, particularly in early days of facing that you have a borderline mother and accepting that everything really isn't all your fault [as you've likely been told all your life]. There are so many questions and emotions flying all over the place while reading, everything is crazy and makes sense all at the same time.

It was painful read for me because of the emotionally abusive nature of my uBPD grandmother towards me as a child and how enmeshed my M was with her.  But it was one of the most eye opening books I've ever read.  The description of the "all good" and all bad child exactly described my M and her brother's issues as adults  to the point of being uncanny.  It helped with allot of questions I had all of my life.   

pipchick

I know this has been mentioned before on this thread, but this book is currently £36.05 on amazon.

That's for the kindle edition too, where you don't actually get a physical copy of the book.

I'm sorry but however good it is, that's a full week's wages for me, and I don't consider the pricing the behaviour of someone who wants to help others.

Whitesheep45

I've only just learnt about this book and am really interested to read it esp the 4 types of bpd mother...
My m may fit them all I feel! Bless her

Whitesheep45

It seems she is more witch /Queen
Interesting to read the section on the f types too..

I have a king huntsman f



NarcKiddo

I have read it and it is good.

However, I would extend a warning to any reader who might have fleas or have developed unhealthy coping mechanisms and behaviours. When I finished reading it I had identified my mother as a Queen/Witch now starting to exhibit Waif behaviours when necessary. But I also ended up diagnosing myself as a hard-core Hermit and my therapist had to spend some time talking me down.
Don't let the narcs get you down!

olivegirl

The same thing happened to me NarcKiddo!

The author maintains that scapegoats are destined to develop Bpd as well (but that the Golden Child is spared).

I am undeniably the scapegoat of my Queen/Witch Bpd mother and I did/do have some lingering traits like anxiety.

My therapist explained that I definitely do not meet the description of a Borderline but I do exhibit traits of a person suffering from C-PTSD.


Ajitakaput

Concerning diagnostic categories:

Hermit
Waif
Queen
Witch

Borderline
Narcissist

Warm Body
-----

It was not until I fully embraced the possibility that we are - each of us - made of multiple parts, that I could understand, appreciate, forgive, grieve my mother.

Take it from Whitman, "I am multitudes"

OR Dick Schwartz,
Internal Family Systems.


...a good theory is one that accounts for all the evidence.