Need help meeting N parents after going medium chill

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confuzzled duck

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Re: Need help meeting N parents after going medium chill
« Reply #20 on: November 16, 2016, 01:35:04 PM »
Hi all

Thankyou so much for all your replies. apologies for the grammer and spelling, my head is full of snot and too heavy to think.

So I did go over to parents. I had some stuff to take over there and pick up some more of my stuff, one of the reasons I'm not ready to go NC is cause there's my 2 pet ducks who are to old to move house and a lot of my books still at theirs.

Their poor victim routine was halted by me having a cold and having to hack a lung up every 30 seconds.

Instead I got subtle guilt trips and gaslighting. "Did you ever do XYZ (event)? we havent see you since then, its been such a long time." 
XYZ was may when I was still deeply co-dependant just busy with work and I know I remember describing the event it to them.  It wasn't long after that that I went MC but still I know i'd spoken to them about it.

We never go to my 'problems' and what they could do to fix it. probably cause I was ill and it wouldn't do to harass the plague ridden.
We had a nice meal , and they were their overly friendly, pitying my cold, everything is fine selves. Then asked if I could get them free tickets for a show I'm working on (something they feel entitled too) but that's another post.
I left without incident.

Skip to this morning when I got a phone call from Nm chirpily wanting to know if my cold is any better.
 "getting better"  It's not gone, just now on the head full of snot, sneezing and trouble thinking phase.
 "and how are you in yourself?"
I try to get words though the snotty haze and come up with "No"
"No? no what? I want you to talk to me. are you still feeling down?"
"no"
"no you won't talk to me or no your not feeling down?"
well its worked so far "No"
Chirpyness has gone by this point, replaced with sighing and sulking. "fine *sigh* i'll leave you alone. I wish you would talk to me, im here for you whenever you need to talk." (a proven lie, whenever i've opened up about my feelings I always get minimised and end up apologising for havening problems)

Anyway, with any luck they'll back off again. but who knows.



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bopper

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Re: Need help meeting N parents after going medium chill
« Reply #21 on: November 16, 2016, 01:44:51 PM »
"fine *sigh* i'll leave you alone. I wish you would talk to me, im here for you whenever you need to talk."

This is straight from the NPD playbook.

1) Use the guilt trip.
2) Threaten silent treatment.

The counter play is to not engage so directly.

1) Do not answer the phone. Let it go to voice mail. WHEN you are ready to talk, call back. "I am doing a little better but need to go rest now. Talk to you later."

Just because they are incapable of loving you, doesn't mean that you are unlovable.
Anything makes the false self appear real is supply.

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Spring Butterfly

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Re: Need help meeting N parents after going medium chill
« Reply #22 on: November 17, 2016, 09:03:16 AM »
Wow good job and glad it went well! (Hope your headcold does clear soon)
Every interaction w/ PD persons results in damage-plan accordingly, make time to heal
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