Hello, I am new to the forum

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Alex1977

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Hello, I am new to the forum
« on: November 05, 2016, 12:50:36 PM »
Hello everyone,

I just received a recommendation to this site by someone who is a life coach and helps those that have been through narcissistic abuse.  I am here to learn from others and voice my questions when I need someone who truly understands.  I met my ex husband nearly three years ago.  He was everything I truly never thought I'd receive in a man.  I have two children from a previous long-term relationship (not marriage).  Their father lives many states away and rarely sees them (still).  My ex husband entered our lives and wanted to be with us 24/7 and made me feel like the love of his life (my sons as well).  We were married just over a year later.  Though things began changing before the wedding, I chose to ignore my instincts, and marry him anyway.  I truly cannot explain why or how but I felt like everyday I had to flex to met his personality.  Short end of the story...I chose to leave for a while after his rages became too violent for me to safely live in a home with him with my two children.  I wanted him to get help, go to counseling, etc.  His response was to serve me with divorce papers and string me along for another few months after our divorce.  I haven't spoken to him since September and I feel like I am coming Out of the FOG slightly now, with hope for our future (the children and I).  I've blocked and unblocked him so many times, but I have not heard from him.   I know that I am blocked because I tried initially to reach out to him.  I know deep down, it's better for me.  I thank you all for reading, and I look forward to advice and support within this group. 

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xredshoesx

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Re: Hello, I am new to the forum
« Reply #1 on: November 05, 2016, 04:26:03 PM »
welcome to the forum Alex1977,

i'm sorry so many life changes with the addition of narcissistic abuse have brought you here, but i am glad you have reached out and are getting some help in both real life and on the internet to help yourself and your kids heal and move forward from the relationship with your exH.

i think that even though your divorce has happened, you can still get validation and support from the members of the 'separating and divorcing' section of the forum.  the 'chosen' and 'working on us' sections may be helpful as well as you sort out the things that happened.  i know for me that being able to spot/ identify red flags in all kind of relationships (not just romantic ones) has been my greatest take-away as a participant on the boards here, and has made it easier to deal with difficult/ PD/ uPD people in all avenues of my life.

re the radio silence on your ex's behalf- my uPD exBF and i broke up many times, he hoovered and we got back together.  the last break up was different, and earlier this year i found out the reason- he already found his new supply so he didn't have to try to suck me back in again.  maybe that is what is going on with him now and the reason he has not contacted you.  i'll admit it stung a little when i found out, because it did prove i was right that he was cheating, however when i look at where i am at life now, i am much happier that we both moved on than i was in the constant push/ pull cycle our relationship had become.  anyways, i hope you'll get a chance to check out these links and also hope to see you on the boards soon-

Separating and Divorcing


Chosen Relationships

Working On Us