Quiet.....too quiet.

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Quiet.....too quiet.
« on: November 11, 2016, 06:03:51 PM »
It's been a month, maybe 6 weeks.

I've had 2 emails from ds' s step mum. She wanted adulation. I ignored them.

A couple of things have happened which would normally have resulted in some strong email from u/npd exH full of accusations and demanding answers. But - nothing. Not even confirmation of my stand.

Yesterday I called both of them out on a couple of things.

Long story short.  Ds had a doctor's appointment I couldn't attend so I emailed the doctor with my observations of ds' s health, including that he hadn't been taking his medication while staying with his father and Smum.  I forwarded the email to u/npd exH.

Ds told me later that he'd also had a scan. I knew he needed one but I should have been informed and given the opportunity to go.

I let his dad and Smum know I wasn't happy and that they should not make appointments during school time without my permission since school happens on my time.

It's more complicated than that but you get the gist.

Instead of the rage email I expected I got a lengthy but calm explanation from ds' s father. The usual blame shifting but calm. I suspect it was written by Smum as i've been told ex is currently interstate.

The calm/silence is unnerving. What are they plotting?  How long will this last?  I highly doubt they've dropped their hatred of me overnight. Or that they've changed for the better. New supply maybe?  But I doubt they'd dare to treat anyone else the same way they treat me.  Perhaps they've turned on each other?

Sometimes I think I prefer the drama. At least then I have an idea of what they are doing.

AOD


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Blistex

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Re: Quiet.....too quiet.
« Reply #1 on: November 12, 2016, 04:08:56 PM »
I know huh?

Waiting for the other shoe to drop is painful.

No matter what stage I am because they are all unnerving, I try to remember what phase I am in the cycle of abuse I am in to try to detach from it emotionally and look at it intellectually (uhmmm....incredibly difficult for me btw).

Right now you are perhaps in the reconciliation or calm phase?

It's on this website but the 4 phases are:
1: Tension building
2. An incident
3. Reconcilliation
4. Calm

Not sure if this helps?
« Last Edit: November 12, 2016, 04:13:46 PM by Blistex »

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Re: Quiet.....too quiet.
« Reply #2 on: November 12, 2016, 04:54:34 PM »
Thanks, Blistex.

I am aware of cycling. I don't live with my pds though so it's hard to know where they're at.  I'm not even sure that they do cycle. Every communication from them is filled with underlying hatred and disdain.  There is no  reconciliation or calm.

There are brief periods of very little contact, but not usually for this long.

I don't call them out usually.  Often I don't even have to. They twist my words around and say I'm accusing them of something when I've done no such thing.

So for them to not react recently us extremely unusual.

Between them they have a huge number of shoes (literally). I wonder how many there are left to drop.

AOD

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Stumbleon

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Re: Quiet.....too quiet.
« Reply #3 on: November 13, 2016, 01:21:25 AM »
Hmmm are they covering something up?? Maybe a result from the Dr. that you were not made aware of? Maybe DS can help give some insight through his accounts of his time with PD dad and SM.

I have the SAME EERIE FEELING whenever I don't hear from my stbexPDh for a week or so. Usually he's just waiting for me to take one tiny mis-step so he can go ballistic via email, text, communication with my lawyer, etc etc.   In the meantime try to enjoy the quiet...

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A_newlife2014

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Re: Quiet.....too quiet.
« Reply #4 on: November 14, 2016, 07:38:34 PM »
Yes I can't figure out NPDxh either. Sometimes calm when I expect rage, sometimes vice versa. Makes it hard, as you say, to know what they are thinking or to predict. I think it's important though, to keep in mind, that just because they act "normal" sometimes doesn't mean they don't also randomly act nuts. So it's a fun bag of always being kept guessing!

I think ultimately it comes down to the fact that even if they have a PD, they can still also have normal ebbs and flows to their behaviors and emotions, energy and fatigue, but I also think that ultimately they are always emotionally striving -- and manipulating -- how to get what they need. So when NPDxh tries to get control by raging and that doesn't work, sometimes he then tries a BFF phase, acting like he was never crazy or unreasonable. "Who, what, me? No, it's totally fine for you to do X, Y, Z with DS! I'm cool with anything and everything! I'm perfectly normal!"

At times like those, I like to remind myself of the actual date of his last bout of crazy. He'll act perfectly fine and normal for a few weeks and I'll get lulled into a sense of stability, then I'll go and look up the actual date of when he told me I was "delusional" or needed "mental help," and I'm like, "Oh yes, it was only 4 weeks ago."

Yes, my NPDxh sometimes acts perfectly normal. That doesn't mean that he still isn't a PD though, and has all those negative behaviors too.

 

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Re: Quiet.....too quiet.
« Reply #5 on: November 21, 2016, 04:31:23 PM »
They're BAAACK!!

Just thought I'd let you know my life is back to "normal". Stupid how we almost breathe a sigh of relief when they start behaving all pd again.

I won't bother boring you with the details. I'm sure you've all experienced it before.

Thanks for your responses.   New Life,  your life is mine.

AOD

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A_newlife2014

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Re: Quiet.....too quiet.
« Reply #6 on: November 21, 2016, 08:54:11 PM »
Haha! - Me too! Peace for several weeks, now two ugly explosions in less than a week over the most least-expected issues. It's  like popping a blister -- feels like a relief of sorts when we can stop waiting for the shoe to drop. Whoomp, there it is!

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Re: Quiet.....too quiet.
« Reply #7 on: December 22, 2016, 11:05:29 PM »
Well, they're back but they're not.

I've received a couple of non sensical raging emails.

But their latest trick is silence when I need a response.

Eg:  ds had a specialist's appointment yesterday.  U/npd exH and his N wife booked it and told me the time, date, address and last name of the doctor. They had the referral letter and cds of scans.

I asked for the 1st name of the doctor (when googling I discovered there were a few there with the same surname,), his area of specialty (it's a massive clinic with lots of similar specialties) and a phone number.

I received no acknowledgement of my email. I asked again 2 days later. Still no response.

They informed me Nwife would not be attending. (Yay!)

First thing yesterday I asked if u/npd exH would be there and if not could he please forward me or the doctor the referral and scans. And please let me know when they'd been delivered.

No response.

An hour before the appointment I rang the clinic.  (I'd ended up going in there the day before and plying them with questions it's not worth trying to discuss with the pds.). No referral or scans as yet.

I emailed ex please drop in scans and referral and let me know etc...

Nothing.

I arrived at the appointment with ds. No sign of either of them but scans and referral were there.

This is just an example of the latest trick.

I wish I could say they've given up in me and are getting their supply elsewhere. But really they're just making me run in circles.

Next time I think I'll say, if I don't hear from them by x time i will cancel the appointment and send the cancellation fee to them. (Not that they would pay for it. Sigh.)

AOD

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Crayola13

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Re: Quiet.....too quiet.
« Reply #8 on: December 23, 2016, 12:14:06 AM »
Well, they're back but they're not.

I've received a couple of non sensical raging emails.

But their latest trick is silence when I need a response.

Eg:  ds had a specialist's appointment yesterday.  U/npd exH and his N wife booked it and told me the time, date, address and last name of the doctor. They had the referral letter and cds of scans.

I asked for the 1st name of the doctor (when googling I discovered there were a few there with the same surname,), his area of specialty (it's a massive clinic with lots of similar specialties) and a phone number.

I received no acknowledgement of my email. I asked again 2 days later. Still no response.

They informed me Nwife would not be attending. (Yay!)

First thing yesterday I asked if u/npd exH would be there and if not could he please forward me or the doctor the referral and scans. And please let me know when they'd been delivered.

No response.

An hour before the appointment I rang the clinic.  (I'd ended up going in there the day before and plying them with questions it's not worth trying to discuss with the pds.). No referral or scans as yet.

I emailed ex please drop in scans and referral and let me know etc...

Nothing.

I arrived at the appointment with ds. No sign of either of them but scans and referral were there.

This is just an example of the latest trick.

I wish I could say they've given up in me and are getting their supply elsewhere. But really they're just making me run in circles.

Next time I think I'll say, if I don't hear from them by x time i will cancel the appointment and send the cancellation fee to them. (Not that they would pay for it. Sigh.)

AOD

They're trying to make it look like you are not involved enough in your son's medical care. They want to use that in court. They are deliberately confusing you and not keeping you in the loop. It could also be that they are deliberately trying to agitate you.

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Re: Quiet.....too quiet.
« Reply #9 on: December 23, 2016, 06:39:42 AM »
And Bingo!  The shoe has dropped.

Just got home from spending the week running my 79 year old parents around. They each had an operation (day surgery) this week and I've been playing nursemaid, housemaid and taxi driver. They live nearly 2 hours' drive away.

Arrived home to a lovely letter from u/npd exH's solicitor. He wants to change the court orders to have ds10 4 nights a fortnight instead of 3.

I don't want to think about it right now. I'm quite calm and I'm determined not to let it ruin my Christmas.

Thanks, Crayola, for your support.

AOD

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Re: Quiet.....too quiet.
« Reply #10 on: December 25, 2016, 05:59:03 PM »
Their "too quietness" has now been acknowledged by u/npd exH.

In a rage email he's said he didn't respond to my requests re getting the doctor's referral and scans to the specialist because I don't respond to his requests.

His requests being massive email vomits of demanding answers to his false accusations about my "behaviour".

My requests being for information regarding  physical arrangements for ds.

He's right. I don't answer his above emails. But I do answer those that pertain to arrangements for ds.

This can't last. Him not responding to me is cutting off his own outlet for release.

And surely he'll realise that if I have to chase up information from professionals that he should have given me it makes him look rediculous. They already shake their head when I say I haven't been given access to ds' s health insurance and that I don't have u/npd's address.

Oh well.

AOD