Extra curricular activities

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Associate of Daniel

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Extra curricular activities
« on: November 13, 2016, 08:32:42 AM »
I've just discovered that my ds9 (almost 10) is doing boxing when with his dad and smum.

He doesn't know that I know and neither do they.

Our court orders say that his dad (u/npd) and I have shared and equal decision making on extra curricular activities.

I presume they haven't mentioned it to me and have told ds not to say anything as they know I wouldn't agree to it.

Wrestling I could come around to as it's a skill of co-ordination,  discipline and strength and not as physically painful or damaging. But I just can't see a way of punching someone without it harming or hurting them. At least,  that's my understanding of both sports.

That aside,  even if it was something more docile I would not be happy with him taking on another activity. He's already out 4 nights a week and on Saturdays with sport and Sundays with church. The poor kid!

I'm hoping he quits soon cos of the pain!

And here was I wondering if I could get away with him doing a weekly music lesson at school without having to get the approval of his father.

I guess what's hard too is the fact that they've undoubtedly put him under pressure to not tell me. And he dutifully hasn't.

Should I say something?   Am I being alarmist?

AOD

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Liftedfog

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Re: Extra curricular activities
« Reply #1 on: November 13, 2016, 09:47:23 AM »
Yes, I would say something.  I agree with your concern.   How about you have chat with your son and try to get sense if he is okay with this?  Make sure he is not forced to go and is going willingly.  The fact that PD kept this from you is red flag.  Start with your DS.   

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Stepping lightly

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Re: Extra curricular activities
« Reply #2 on: November 14, 2016, 02:19:02 PM »
Hi AoD- We've wrestled (hehe) with this problem as well.  BM runs the kids ragged on her time, and by having them in activities- inserts herself and controls our time as well.  In some court evidence, I saw an email that listed out one of their Saturday schedules at BM's house, I was exhausted just reading it!

BM had the kids in piano lessons for like 5 years without telling DH, and the kids never said a WORD!  the only reason he found out was because BM tried to use it to get more Child Support.  After the cat was out of the bag, she DEMANDED that DH take the kids to that activity as well.  DH refused, said the kids were in too many activities already.  DSD loves to tell us she's bored if she has 5 minutes without structured activities, they don't know what to do without constant stimulation.

BM also puts the kids in activities that are not their favorite, but they know the rules, they MUST pretend to love it or feel the wrath of BM.  You can tell, they look miserable and they are not good at the sport!!  DSD did an activity she loved last summer, she came home every single night GLOWING- saying "I am SO HAPPY!", but BM is plotting to ensure DSD can never do that activity again (lying about past injuries that never happened during it) So- if you ask your son about boxing, he may still have to toe the line and claim he loves it, even if he doesn't.  Also, not sure how you found out that they don't know you know, but that could blow up into a huge issue as well...so just be prepared.

As far as music- do it on your time, but I wouldn't make it a secret. 

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Associate of Daniel

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Re: Extra curricular activities
« Reply #3 on: November 14, 2016, 05:20:34 PM »
Thank-you, both.

Stepping Lightly, your story is mine.  Ds is run ragged by these activities and I'm the mean  boring Mum who keeps him home and never does anything with him, makes him do his homework,  chores and go to school and church.

There's little time to do anything with him because his time is already occupied and his resulting hypoactivity due to tiredness makes his behaviour unsuitable for anything other than home and bed.

He actually ended up telling me about the boxing. I gather it's a temporary arrangement  for a few weeks to see if he likes it. Just ds and Smum being "taught" in a local park by a friend. He said he wears gloves but no helmet as it's just with the hands. He doesn't seem hugely excited about it so hopefully it won't last.

As to how I originally found out - that's a whole other story for another post one day. But yes, if they knew how I found out it would be ugly.

I think I'll not bring it up with them yet and see how it goes.

AOD