A distroyed life! Seven years of prison, 9 years running from injustice...

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Agape

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And that's just the beginning! I experienced this real life Fatal Attraction which started in 1998 and from that time my life spiraled out of control. The legal aspect is just now over but I have been left with PTSD, a criminal record and practically unemployable, and shunned and judged by those who can't begin to understand. It all started when I met my BPD partner on a cruise. I was 36 years old and on top of the world with a successful career and just about everything a young man could ask for. My mother had asked me to join her on this cruise as my father had recently passed.

The BPD asked to join us at our table on the ship and soon she seduced me with charm and flattery. And yes, lots of sexual poise. The cruise was exciting to say the least. I pursued her afterward by flying out to NY and jumped into this intoxicating and exciting new relationship. Soon came the signs, but I wasn't sure what to make of them.  Then I tried to leave her and within months I was charged with varying felonies from domestic violence to rape. I was ill prepared for what laid in front of me as was anyone and everyone who tried to help me. I had no idea that people like this existed, I thought it was only in the movies.  If only I knew then what I know now!

I learned that she was on the cruise because she was supposedly the victim of sexual misconduct at the hands of her married boss. I soon found out that she would receive 100% of her normal income for disability insurance (for mental and emotional distress) from a policy that she had taken out at work, based on her accusations towards him.  Of coarse in the beginning I was there to rescue her and support her  :stars: Oh yes, and then when the craziness began and I went to leave her, came the trips to the hospital to have her stomach pumped when in fact she hadn't even taken anything. Then threats of what would happen if I left her. My story makes the movie Fatal Attraction seem mild in comparison. She didn't boil my rabbit she boiled me!

Early on I took her to a therapist who diagnosed her with a long list of disorders from BPD to HPD all the way to Sadistic and Sadomasochistic. But when I left her the accusations began. This all becomes a twisted tangle of lies, half truths and pre-orchestrated circumstances which she directed to her own script, as she had no-doubt done before on many men before myself. The therapist who saw her told me that she was the most high functioning BPD that he had ever observed, expressing how this made her illness potentially very dangerous. Especially with the strong sadistic traits she exhibited.

Every therapist I've seen totally gets it. They tell me to write the book because no fiction could read like this real life story. But right now I'm just trying to survive. Mentally, emotionally and financially. You get tired of trying to explain that you're actually the victim, when you are the one who went to prison. It becomes a pointless battle. There are a few people who know the truth because they were there through the whole thing, but that doesn't help you get back a high paying white collar job. Also, all of this happened in a very small town with no real news to report so it was publicized in their small paper which ended up on the internet. What's written is what the police reports stated, which is basically word for word what she stated. There is nothing I can do, I have a very uncommon last name so anyone who googles my name will finds these rants of what a monster I supposedly am.

It doesn't matter that almost every ex girlfriend I had came to my moral support as well as wrote character letters to the courts. People can't believe that the courts acted illegally through the coarse of this and even broke laws to incarcerate me. It doesn't matter that these situations are documented and unquestionable if you don't have the resources to act on them. You get to the point, (just as I am feeling now) that you are wasting your time even mentioning any of this because no one believes that this could happen and that I must be in denial and blaming others instead of taking responsibility myself. Sure, I made mistakes, but who's prepared for something like this? I watch Fatal Attraction and feel as if there are not many people, (if anyone) who feel that Dan (Michael Douglas's character) should have been sent to prison because he committed many violent crimes during the coarse of the movie. It all gets very twisted as the BPD or other PD starts to spin their web.

 :stars: and, as most often happens, I hesitate to even express any of this because it seems hopeless that anyone will understand! But in a very-very small nutshell, that's my story. If nothing else hopefully others will understand that - things could be worse. Not looking for sympathy, just looking for suggestions on how to practically go forward.

Blessing to all!
Agape


« Last Edit: November 27, 2016, 03:06:57 PM by xredshoesx »

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practical

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Re: A distroyed life! Seven years of prison, 9 years running from injustice...
« Reply #1 on: November 27, 2016, 10:23:29 AM »
Welcome to OOTF!

What a complex and unhappy story! It is great though that you have been able to see therapists and receive treatment. You may want to check out the various resources under at the top of the page to help you further on your journey of healing.

Wishing you all the best.
If Im not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when Im only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when? (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)

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Agape

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Re: A distroyed life! Seven years of prison, 9 years running from injustice...
« Reply #2 on: November 27, 2016, 10:34:22 AM »
Will do, thanks!

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12PointBuck

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Re: A distroyed life! Seven years of prison, 9 years running from injustice...
« Reply #3 on: November 27, 2016, 12:49:43 PM »
I had no idea that people like this existed, I thought it was only in the movies.  If only I knew then what I know now!

Hi Agape,

If only we knew then what we know now, indeed.

So where does that leave us?

In the now -- RIGHT NOW -- and we definitely know, without a shadow of a doubt, that we were duped. You and I, as decent men, had no idea what we were getting into. We got carpet-bombed with positive reinforcement aka love-bombing, we stood by while our PD exes systematically dismantled our sense of manhood and masculinity, and we felt the shame and confusion when they discarded us, even if only emotionally, for another supply.

You're in prison now and that's the sad reality. Having never been incarcerated I have no advice for you other than to be safe, watch your back, and do everything to be a model inmate to help secure early parole/release, whatever it takes to get your freedom back.

I am guessing ex strung you up on false domestic and sexual violence charges similar to what she did with her ex-boss?

I had my uNPDexgf arrested on DV charges twice; a 3rd time in my state means prison for her.

I came so, so close; mere weeks after her second arrest, during one of her manufactured chaos situations aka fights, she became violent with me. I threatened to call 911 and she snatched my new phone out of my hands and smashed it against the wall.

I couldn't bring myself to have her arrested a 3rd time back then; these days, NOW, if she so much as drives by my house I'm pressing civil harassment charges and that's that.

With as many stupid mistakes she's made over the decade we were together (I left her and our home 15+ months ago), she has used some intelligence in keeping NO CONTACT with me, although she recently Hoover'd me over some junk of mine still at her house.

Agape, I think you've learned what I did -- we need to play hardball with these disordered souls otherwise we're doomed. They will say and do anything to smear us. We know better and eventually their house of cards will flatten in the slightest breeze.

You got caught in the whirlwind and are paying the price. My heart breaks for you. If I were in your position I would spend as much time studying ways to secure your early release as well as studying N/BPD and personality disorders in general; I am sure you are, unfortunately, among a populace loaded with PDs.

I would write your book; a very good friend of mine went thru a disaster with a BPD woman and anonymously wrote about it and did very well. He's also a musician and he said he's sold way more copies of his book than his albums. :)

"Hang in there" is pretty lame advice but it's all I've got, Agape. You hang in, get out soon, and rebuild your life. It can be done and you're the man for the job.

In the meantime all I can say is don't beat yourself up for allowing all this to unfold; you're a trusting empathetic soul and she used you. End of story.

That's how I got my closure -- she used me for 10 years. She's not even a ghost to me now.

All the best my friend. Stick around here, there's great advice, be patient.
Hearts are built like rubber so you'll be all right, welcome to the garden of earthly delights.

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Agape

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Re: A distroyed life! Seven years of prison, 9 years running from injustice...
« Reply #4 on: November 27, 2016, 01:48:56 PM »
Thanks 12Pointbuck,

I am out, have been for almost 4 years. Finished parole without a glitch. Just lived like always had before the BPD. What a crazy ride. After I plead to a menacing charge in exchange for probation the judge illegally sent me to prison for a 5 year term violating the terms of the plea. They ended up dropping the sexual charges. But those newspaper articles are still out there and... Well, you can imagine.

Before I finished the five year term I heard she was trying to get the sex charges  brought back. I watched sex offenders be beaten and even killed in prison and after the injustice of being sent to prison illegally in the first place I lost all faith in the system, so - I escaped.  9 years running from injustice! When I was finally apprehended and the female judge on the escape case reviewed my initial charges and illegal sentence, the fact that I didn't have any priors and the way in which I chose to live my life helping others while on the lamb.  She and the female prosecutor went to work, not to incarcerate me further but they actually fought for my release! But the wheels of justice turn very slowly. I had a seven way bypass and four heart attacks in prison before I was finally released. 

I would love to read your friend's book, understand what he went through and possibly get some ideas on how to proceed with my own.

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12PointBuck

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Re: A distroyed life! Seven years of prison, 9 years running from injustice...
« Reply #5 on: November 27, 2016, 02:06:08 PM »
I escaped.  9 years running from injustice! When I was finally apprehended and the female judge on the escape case reviewed my initial charges and illegal sentence, the fact that I didn't have any priors and the way in which I chose to live my life helping others while on the lamb.  She and the female prosecutor went to work, not to incarcerate me further but they actually fought for my release!

Yikes, what a story my friend! I am so glad your "escape" judge and prosecutor were kind and fought for your freedom. That's huge, congrats!

The book is called "Dreams Descending" and you can find it on Amazon. I'd send you my copy but ironically I left it with ex.
Hearts are built like rubber so you'll be all right, welcome to the garden of earthly delights.

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Agape

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Re: A distroyed life! Seven years of prison, 9 years running from injustice...
« Reply #6 on: November 27, 2016, 02:16:09 PM »
Me too, you can't imagine how surprised I was when I heard what the DA's response was when she heard the story. Initially she said she was going to see that I never saw the light of day again but then my attorney sent her a detailed package of how it all evolved and she came back with words to the effect of "now I understand what you meant when you said it isn't anything like it appears to be, I will work with you anyway I can to see that there is a just outcome to this tragic case". I couldn't believe it!

Thanks for the title, I'll order it and check it out!