20 years married to BPD... finally clear there's nothing I can do.

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I would love any advice from those who have been down this path, particularly with children. My 3 sons are sadly aware of their mom's illness and although for the most part her rage is directed at me, this relationship has taken its toll on them too.
She tried to kill herself twice in front of them in a manic moment... she's dutifully going to  group and individual therapy, but the nightmare persists.