4 month old, no legal custody, Mama BPD

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Watchdog

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4 month old, no legal custody, Mama BPD
« on: January 01, 2017, 12:43:00 PM »
Having a Rough time getting borders in place!  They keep me from having my son at my place and I will not go there due to "false accusations" and high conflict. I'm afraid of jeopardizing my innocence for the future legal battle.  Trying to be firm gets me nowhere and she continues to name call, Robo txt explicit pictures, tell me she had an affair while she was pregnant (that was last night's drama creation, I don't let those things bother me though), the list goes on and on! But still continues to offer me to see my son at her place. I fired my lawyer a few days ago and on the search for a new one.  Started reading "Say goodbye to crazy", by Dr. Palmatier. Great book so far.

How to negotiated with Hitler? All I want is to see my son on my own w/o her around.  :stars:

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xredshoesx

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Re: 4 month old, no legal custody, Mama BPD
« Reply #1 on: January 01, 2017, 01:21:28 PM »
welcome to the forum watchdog,

i'm sorry that your experiences with parenthood have started out this way.  it sounds like you are taking whatever steps necessary to be able to be able to have the right to parent your own child, and already have a good idea of how momentous the task is going to be.

your mantra for the next 18 years is going to be 'document, document, document' as you navigate both the court system and her behaviors.   we have several areas of the forum that may be helpful to you as you start navigation of what can be a difficult process-

the toolbox can help you when you are working on making those boundaries

Toolbox     

Co-parenting and Secondary Relationships

some of the topics on the separating and divorcing board may be good for you too as you try to keep from being drawn back into your former relationship-
Separating and Divorcing

wishing you luck and the strength of lions-  hope to see more of you on the boards soon

we have a small community of dads that also post here for the special challenges they are facing in their co-parenting journey
http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?board=33.0

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coyote

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Re: 4 month old, no legal custody, Mama BPD
« Reply #2 on: January 02, 2017, 03:27:07 PM »
Watchdog,
Welcome to OOTF. I hear the pain and frustration just from your short post. Legal battles can be so hard, especially with a spouse pulling the stuff yours is. Keep your head about you, focus on your long term goals, and keep in mind this too shall pass. I don't know if you are religious or not. Even if you are not I like the theme of the full Serenity prayer. It goes like this:

God, give me grace to accept with serenity
the things that cannot be changed,
Courage to change the things
which should be changed,

and the Wisdom to distinguish
the one from the other.
Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,

Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Amen.

Wishing you peace and strength as you make your way through this.
How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.
 Wayne Dyer

The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?
Capt. Jack Sparrow

Choose not to be harmed and you wonít feel harmed. Donít feel harmed and you havenít been. -Marcus Aurelius

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kazzak

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Re: 4 month old, no legal custody, Mama BPD
« Reply #3 on: January 02, 2017, 05:22:21 PM »
Been there. Time with your child is really important. I've had false accusations made towards me that are beyond belief.

Can someone (trusted friend/family member) be with you when visiting the child?  When my DS6 was very young I was always able to reduce my risks with the court case by bringing a trusted companion along. Just an idea, it isn't easy, but not impossible based on my experiences.