Happiness is being an unwed mother

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Happiness is being an unwed mother
« on: January 12, 2017, 01:23:34 AM »
I am sharing this because I am hoping it might be useful to someone. I spoke with legal aid today because I wanted to file legal paperwork regarding the custody of my daughter. I recently realized that my unstable ex is NPD, dangerous and has been extremely dishonest and abusive to any number of women. I was panicked abut my daughter (lives with me, spends 99.5% of the time with me at my house but still has a relationship with her father) because I was terrified he would use her to get back at me.

It turns out, that since I was unmarried when I had her and have never been married to her father or filed any custody paperwork, I have legal and physical custody - by default. The only thing her father's name on the birth certificate entitles him to is notification if I put her up for adoption  and the right to pay child support. He would have to take me to court to change the custody status. I am not mentioning this to him but I am feeling much better knowing I am perfectly capable of protecting my daughter. I hope this helps someone at some point.



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Re: Happiness is being an unwed mother
« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2017, 02:51:19 AM »
The father, that is on your child's birth certificate has every legal right to file a motion for paternity, custody and child support as well.
I will tell you, if the father of your child is trying to stay in contact, or have any kind of relationship with your children, you had together, after you guys spilt and you are unwilling not letting this happen, it will look bad on you in court.
« Last Edit: January 14, 2017, 04:50:59 PM by Latchkey »



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Re: Happiness is being an unwed mother
« Reply #2 on: January 13, 2017, 08:08:08 PM »
I think these things are more complicated when you are dealing with a PD parent. It's safest to keep the status quo IME and no formal court stuff unless it's needed. The reasoning behind this is that a hostile person with a PD can make it very difficult. I had joint custody with my exBPD/ASPD H but as my attorney said-- I had defacto Sole Custody because he never exercised his rights. My attorney advised me NOT to push for Sole custody because he knew this would trigger my ex.  This protected my D's who are now 17 and almost 20. I understand that the struggle in the situation for someone looking to get custody and being unwed and being a Dad is different than a Non mom trying to protect her child.
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