Recovering from workplace bullying / mobbing

[JollyJazz]

Dear All,

I hope your post Xmas, pre new years week is going well!

I have to share something, I have recently escaped a bullying / mobbing workplace situation. I am taking steps to healing, but am still having on / off days.

I had a very emotionally abusive childhood. I was ganged up on by PD family members (e.g. mobbed). So I do have scars in my self esteem and self confidence.

I have a kind of philosophical view of this most recent episode, I feel like this is all for a greater meaning, I have a perspective on bullying, and I am fairly resilient.

So I know will be okay. But it still hurts some days.

Does anyone have some top tips for recovery / healing? I'm trying to focus on exercise, setting up more counseling. Meditating (although I think I need to do it for longer), getting enough sleep.

Any other hot tips for emotional recovery from bullying welcome

[bloomie]

Hi JollyJazz - I am really sorry this bullying has happened and has taken an understandable toll on you. I think you are already taking important steps toward healing with self care, exercise, and reframing the experience to find greater meaning in it and refusing to be defined by the experiences.

The humiliation and powerlessness I felt when being bullied were the hardest hurdles to get over for me. I would find myself caught in a cycle of rumination and what if's... what if I had responded this way or done that thing instead... kind of unproductive thoughts.

So, for me learning to shift how I viewed myself and my past options and choices to a positive self regard took some work, but has really helped. Working through the feelings after having been abused and bullied, honoring them, but not giving them authority over my future and refusing bitterness have also been healing for me.

Strength to you as you continue on your healing journey!

[clara]

While it doesn't always make me feel better, one of the things I've always done is remind myself that despite all of my flaws and bad behavior, I don't resort to that.  I may not have a lot of reason for thinking I'm better than those PDs, but I do have that reason, and that's helped me through a lot of black thoughts.  My behavior has never, even at its worst, been as bad as some of the behavior I've seen and received from others with both PD and sometimes just plain narcissism, and that fact alone can help me refocus my perspective.  I know it may sound kind of pathetic to say to yourself, well, at least I'm not as bad as they are, but you know what?  It's a something that's better than nothing!

For example, when I left my uNPDexh, who was extremely emotionally bullying along with all of his other PD traits, I left him alone.  I didn't bother him, didn't turn on him, didn't say or do anything that could be seen as going "against" him.  I tried to be fair.  He, on the other hand, was full of tales about how terrible I'd been to him, how I'd left him and hurt him etc. (stories which his family eagerly shared with mine).  Because I accepted my blame and responsibility for my own problems when it came to the marriage--something he refused to do--I felt I could claim the moral high ground and have kept it ever since.  It's a small victory, to be sure, but really really important when you're looking for something, anything to boost your self-esteem. 

[JollyJazz]

Hi Bloomie and Clara,

Thanks for both of your thoughtful replies

Bloomie - thanks for that, yes I'll keep working on my feelings. I guess its just a series of steps. I am so glad for the perspective I've developed up to the point I am now. I am still recovering, and it does hurt, but I know I'll get through it. I'll keep working on it I'm sorry to hear that you had to deal with bullying too. Thanks for your kind words.

Thanks Clara - yes that's a good perspective on things. There are quite a few things I can remind myself of I think it does help. I guess its so hard when its a group of people being hurtful, it starts to warp what seems normal for a while. I am so glad I am out of there and around nice people for now. I think its a good perspective. I am glad you are out of that bullying situation too. Thanks for sharing that with me.

[NoVoice357]

Happy New Year JollyJazz! 

Richard Schwindt's book concentrates on emotional healing and it also helps to deal with anxiety.

Emotional Recovery from Workplace Mobbing (And Workbook): Practical Help for Recovering Targets by Richard Schwindt.
This 2017 edition is a combination of two books: Emotional Recovery and the Workbook.

Hope this helps.

[JollyJazz]

Hi NoVoice357,

Happy new year to you too, and thanks for your thoughtful reply. I feel like I'm already bouncing back, some days are better than others though.
Thanks for the book suggestion, I'm going to look it up now

Have a great week!

[Aingeal]

I'm sorry you're going through this 😕. I've been there myself.  I think practicing self care does a lot to help you heal.  You know, treating yourself extra special and being kind to you......  Please remember it was nothing you did or said that brought this on.  There's nothing you could have done to change it.  You walked into a toxic workplace and they targeted you.   They probably felt threatened .....  Workplace bullies HATE competent people/new hires who come in and do their job well.   

They could target someone for being nice and likeable or a hundred good qualities that you possess - anything that could spark a bit of envy in a bully.  Why do they mob?  Because it's fun and hey - - the heat is off them if there's another target right?  So the mindless mob goes along .....

Please remember how FABULOUS you are!!  This behavior is on them - NOT you. 

I have found these videos from therapist Kris Godinez to be very helpful in healing from the workplace  bullying/mobbbing.   Knowledge is power and these vids helped me take my power back and heal 😊

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=IsFJXk-RMgk&t=936s

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=c3-eFwlF_bI


Hugs,
Aingeal

[JollyJazz]

Hi Aingeal,

Thanks so much for your kind and encouraging words Sorry to hear you also went through this as well.

Yes I did find that the bullying really started when I hit my stride at work. I definitely am in the 'empath' profile too.

Oh wow, thanks for those links, I just watched them both and they were awesome That helped a lot, thank you

I'm so glad its all over now, and am just healing for now. I'm definitely going to keep working on the self care for sure.

Have a great week

[JollyJazz]

Recovery update -
Dear All,
Thanks so much for your good advice. I've been reading through the Richard Schwindt book and I really thought Kris Godinez talk was awesome too
Basically I feel like I'm feeling quite philosophical and largely happy with things now. I know I am still recovering a little (I'd describe it as the scars are fading). Thankfully I am now far away from that abusive situation. I just feel like things are getting better and better and really a better future lies ahead