LIVING WITH GIRLFRIEND AND HER DAUGHTER TH BPD

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malshow

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LIVING WITH GIRLFRIEND AND HER DAUGHTER TH BPD
« on: January 18, 2017, 12:39:08 AM »
Ive been with my girlfriend for 14 mths and here is a bit of my story...we moved in together in the sept and by the nov my mum was sick and passed away..thru this time i was accused of cheating-found her looking thru my phone twice-she also said(i need to get over my mums death) and started to see that when she came home all her time was spent with her daughter...Also over jan her daughter was 16 and going out with a 33 yo that wasnt all there...my gf would sleep all weekend and was sad..during the week anytime would be spent with her daughter and sparsely spent with me...i would ask for some time and she would say my daughter needs me she is very needy...i wuld listen to her daughter abuse her verbally if she didnt do what her daughter wanted whilst also if for 2 mins my gf would come to me the daughter would follow and say what are u doing mum-cmon watch tv with me etctetc..the odd occassin my gf would say she hates it etc etc..mind you that the daughter hated me my gf would say and dont talk to her-whatever bad id told my gf about my past and whatever i didnt like what her daughter was emotinally,verbally abusing to my gf and the games the daughter tried playing with me...My gf would tell her daughter all this- i said to my gf at times your playing me against her to which was denied..i said to my gf you are scared of your daughter which she replied yes she is controlling and to keep the peace let her do whatever she wants....if my gf wouldnt tell her something about me or when something happened to my son when i asked not to- the daughter lost her shit till my gf gave in...i had a discussin with them in the march in which i bought up to the daughter what her mum thought...her mother denied/didnt back me up and the daughter when on to say *i have to prove myself to her(daughter) to show i love her mother meanwhile crucifying me for my flaws(both of them)...

*My girlfriend has no friends and no support
*i used substances not reguarly but at times of need after mums death and my gf was unaware of this untill i 1st moved out in march
*my gf went to find me at my mums one night( she had never met my mum) afterwards my mum said stay away *she is crazy*
* i coached basketball and my son plays- i would be busy 6 utta 7 days with this but always came straight home
*my gf would set her alarm for when she had to pick up her daughter
*i started looking for work in jan and when id secure a roll she would break down and say*when your back n your feet youll leave like everyone else has*
*if id ask for sometime of hers she would breakdown and say she carnt do this im asking to much
*she wanted her daughter to come to valentines day dinner with us...i said no-my gf asked again valentines day
*accused of cheating-said she wouldnt do it cos it hurts others-she cheated on her daughters dad as he couldnt provide the one thing she needed-love
*said to me *i hurt others b4 they hurt me*
*only time together would be if daughter wasnt home (very rarely)
*daughter is lesbian and very large girl
*they both eat fast food daily
*my gf doesnt have issue with weight
*if me and gf get along the daughter has every issue under the sun goin on-if me and gf fight(which is reguarly) majority of time the gf causes the daughter hasnt a issue with life


I would like some views on the above...as i know that i have heaps more to tell between the april and now

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Bloomie

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Re: LIVING WITH GIRLFRIEND AND HER DAUGHTER TH BPD
« Reply #1 on: January 18, 2017, 11:00:01 AM »
Hi malshow - Welcome to the forum. There has been a lot going on in your home that must be really confusing and all at the same time as losing your mom and grieving her loss. I am so sorry for your loss and the difficulties you are having in your relationship with your GF and her daughter.

I am a bit confused... are you still living with them, and if so, do you think this living environment is one you can handle for much longer?

I want to point you toward some help - the toolbox at the resource tabs above has some great strategies that you can use as you face these behaviors that are upsetting. Also, the Personality Disorders drop down menu has a list of the most common traits and with each trait there is a do and don't section that could be immediate help for you.

Putting your son first and being there for him as you coach is an important focus for you in the midst of all of this chaos. My hope is that he has not suffered or been subjected to some of the damaging behaviors that are going on in this house and that you have been able to keep him away from all of this. Some good info from our resources about putting children 1st is found here: http://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/3/put-children-first

It is clear that your GF and her daughter are both struggling and my guess is that the issues began long before you entered their lives. Staying focused on your own health, working through the loss of your mom, being a secure and steady dad for your own son may help you figure out how and if you want to continue on in this relationship.

Take some time to look through the forum boards - of particular help may be reading some of the posts on the Committed to Working on it and Chosen board. You will get an idea of what a long term relationship with a potentially BPD person is really like. I don't know if your GF is officially diagnosed with BPD or not, but either way we have a saying around here that has been a real help to me that goes like this: You didn't cause it, your can't cure it, and you can't control it. (The 3C's Rule)

Good luck with this and again, welcome!