Caught in hoovering tractor beam.

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Caught in hoovering tractor beam.
« on: January 21, 2017, 10:22:41 AM »
(Background - living separately from uBPD ex for 8 months)

I have caved in to the following hoover attempts

Shared rides to PTA meetings (she criticises me during the ride) *

I have accepted cooked food gifts (meals) in tupperware.

I celebrated new years eve with her and the kids *

She has bought  some sports equipment for her house that she is suggesting I come over to use with the kids.*

We have taken out one of the kids together for a restaraunt birthday treat meal.*

All marked with * have gone badly and I don't want to do again.

The birthday was a disaster as I filmed the candles being blown out you can hear her slamming me verbally - the expression on my child's face as he tried to tune out her nagging at me was sad. We cant do any more joint birthday celebrations.

She wants to play happy families. Yet she is unable to stop verbally slamming me.

She is very messed up will never get help and I need to tighten up my boundaries.

« Last Edit: January 21, 2017, 10:40:43 AM by Hoolio »
I am an ex husband of uBPD wife. Co parenting 2 children. Good luck to us all here!  Glad to be OOTF and rebuilding my life!



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Re: Caught in hoovering tractor beam.
« Reply #1 on: January 23, 2017, 07:35:28 PM »
hi Hoolio,
It sounds like you have figured out the problem and what you need to do to fix it. It is very hard at first. Especially that first year is when you are still trying to sort everything out. Don't be too hard on yourself and take whatever steps you need to create a safe place for you and the kids.
One thing I never recommend is a shared car ride with an ex PD.  Also, holidays--- holidays are best done separately --- maybe some day when the kids are older and have kids of their own you all can be celebrating together-- but when it's still new and kids are young this just is really not recommended.
Your kids will be better off to have a calm parent than a parent that is stressed out or parents fighting on their special days.
Pray for the dead and fight like hell for the living.
-Mother Jones
There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.
-Maya Angelou
When we have the courage to do what we need to do, we unleash mighty forces that come to our aid.