I feel lonely and I feel like I am going crazy.

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blacksheep7

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Re: I feel lonely and I feel like I am going crazy.
« Reply #20 on: January 24, 2017, 05:22:45 PM »
The baby and mother are doing fine.  She is leaving hospital today.  I had the courage to call my mother to tell her the news. I had told myself I would do it but I have boundaries now. The conversation was short and sweet. Just talked about the baby and the other grandkids.  She wished me a good day and that was it.  I know for her that I am opening the door but believe me, I now will have strict boundaries with her.  I'm not really interested in seeing her.  Unlike your mother she never stopped me from having friends cause my parents had many since we had no family here, ont aunt, never married and no children. They are all in Europe.  My covertm  had no empathy for me when I was dumped by my first love at 21.   Of course I went into depression and expected me to just get over it... So that was the first time I knew I could not have compassion from her.  Today she is a widow and a victim but hides her game well with others.   Since the gc alcoholic came back in our lives, she enables him. It's a betrayal, since I did my best to take care of her when my father died but no, will not admit to anything.   So, like someone else wrote, why do I want to be with someone who doesn't treat me with respect.  It's all about entitlement with her.  Finally after all these years, I do not feel guilty about not wanting to see her.
As for my sister, I also called her with the news about the baby Sat night.  She waited to call me from work on her lunch hour to keep the conversation to a minimum.  I hadn't heard from her since Nov.  I am the godmother to her daughter, the oldest and we keep in touch. It was her Birthday last Friday and she is back home with her parents since her breakup with boyfriend.  So this morning it dawned on me that sis
I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they try to appear.

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Sunshine days

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Re: I feel lonely and I feel like I am going crazy.
« Reply #21 on: January 24, 2017, 05:45:37 PM »
Sounds like you are in control BS, You wasn't rude and you rang everyone to tell them about the baby. If you was unkind and holding a grudge you wouldn't of done it BS, I hope you can't stay in control, it looks to me like you don't have a relationship with any of your family and you still want some thing from them even though you don't feel guilty about not wanting to see her you still crave normality . I went no contact with mine and then cut ties with the gc as it was dead weight from the illusion and the other role I was in so it had to go. How did your gc become a alcoholic ? I think gc don't express emotions at all .  I tried to talk to my gc but he's ignorant for sure that's when I realised I was invisible. Funny how you saw your sisters game about phoning at lunch time, it's awful to feel so neglected . I know it's not me now. Xx

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blacksheep7

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Re: I feel lonely and I feel like I am going crazy.
« Reply #22 on: January 24, 2017, 05:46:44 PM »
I hadn't finished my post, clicked by mistake.  I'll have to get back to you tomorrow
I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they try to appear.

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Whosthtgirl

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Re: I feel lonely and I feel like I am going crazy.
« Reply #23 on: January 25, 2017, 12:25:31 AM »
I keep positive quotes around. Words of affirmation. I just found one the other day when I was cleaning. Perhaps you might need to hear it.

"Dear amazing you: the way you live your life and the beautiful way you leave goodness everywhere you go, despite what you have been through, does not go unseen. You are loved and you are appreciated. "
"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles."  Christopher Reeve

Someone I loved once gave me a box of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift.

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Sunshine days

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Re: I feel lonely and I feel like I am going crazy.
« Reply #24 on: January 25, 2017, 09:21:12 AM »
That's lovely whosthygirl ( hugs)

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blacksheep7

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Re: I feel lonely and I feel like I am going crazy.
« Reply #25 on: January 25, 2017, 12:13:51 PM »
Yes Sunshinedays, I told myself that I would call them for the birth at least. I just wanted to be fair not a bitch. What I wanted to say was that usually my sis calls me for birthday cake and coffee since her oldest daughter is back home after a breakup.  Her bd was on Fri and I'm positive there was a get together.  So I emailed her yesterday morning and asked if she had a bd cake and when. We live close to each other.  She still hasn't answered.  So I know what that means.  I plan to email her again after writing this. I want an answer. She thinks she could get away with it, like she does with everything else. She was holding a grudge because of what I said, that I was disappointed. So childish, like my narcm. It's her daughter's birthday after all, not hers.  I called her daughter, my godchild, got her voicmail, left a message asking her to call me back.  She sent me a message by Fbook saying that she would call me on Sat. Haven't heard from her yet, unusual. I have a good relationship with her.  She probably felt awkward, understandable.  As for gc using drugs and alcohol, all his life, I read that usually it's because of abuse in childhood which makes a lot of sense.  They can't deal with their emotions.  My other brother has been using all his life also.   I'm no saint, I've done drugs when I was going thru rough patches but not long. I didn't like what it did to me and didn't  want to live that way.  So they chose to remain like that, suppressing emotions.  I accepted their using as long as there is respect and they don't cross the line.  But gc, crossed the line. So that's when I went nc.  xx
I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they try to appear.

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Sunshine days

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Re: I feel lonely and I feel like I am going crazy.
« Reply #26 on: January 25, 2017, 03:25:18 PM »
BS, you know you are doing all the right things and trying to reason with these people but they make you feel so needy , I wouldn't bother asking anything and face up to reality they don't care. I tried pulling up gc about lots of things that when I found out who I am and who he always was but I saw a illusion from my n/m . They don't want us to have opinions you saying you are disappointed is you having a voice and your sister is giving you the silent treatment so that makes her feel in control. Normal people talk things out , my sister has my n/m grandiosity so no chance of her being a equal , I remember when she developed her false self as a kid , I never once served her false self that's why we don't get on. I see the real things in life and I am not losing sight of who I am.

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blacksheep7

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Re: I feel lonely and I feel like I am going crazy.
« Reply #27 on: January 25, 2017, 04:55:09 PM »
SDays, good for you, in seeing the real things in life.  We know who is important to us, who really cares.  In our family, my opinions were not always welcome. That's right, normal people talk things out.  Of course we did not learn this growing up and it was up to us to make changes.  We learned the hard way.  And I finally like who I am and don't have expectations like I used to, just to be loved.  Do you have any contact with any other siblings?
I may be the black sheep of the family, but some of the white sheep are not as white as they try to appear.