"The verbally abuse relationship" by authur "evans"

[ernamoyer]

saved my life

[moglow]

Could you provide some more information about the book, and what helped you? We'd be glad to add it to our bookstore on Amazon if you think it would help others.

[moglow]

this book showed all the ways people use to manipulate and bring you down step by step.  they talk and explain about the frog in the comfortable water and how the abuser turns up the heat to a boil and the frog doesn't jump out because it is slow.  but the frog if put in boiling water in the first place will jump out immediately.  all the levels all the traits and more important how to react.  I never knew I was abused. I always knew something was wrong tho I was always running away from home when I was little.  never knew why I was sad.  noW I KNOW .....I WAS THE SCAPEGOAT IN HOUSE FILLED WITH ABUSERS. I was always alone

[Frozen34]

I'm so glad this book helped you so much. I can relate to not knowing you're abused - I've experienced this twice in my life and it's tough to face, especially if you care about the abuser. <3

[StayWithMe]

The book hits all cylinders.

It concedes that family members may not be on your side.

It identifies abusive behavior.

Instead of promoting "open, honest dialogue," it gives strategies and tactics in how to respond to abusive behavior.

[11JB68]

Picked this up at the used book store today. Not sure if I really identify uocpdh's behavior as 'verbal' abuse.... Maybe more like emotional abuse... But I'm going to give this one a try. Has anyone here read this one?

[11JB68]

Just posted about this one, then remembered this thread was already here. Have not started reading yet. Hoping it's valuable for dealing emotional abuse, since generally uocpdh's behavior may not be'verbal' abuse in that he generally doesn't name call or swear at me...

[11JB68]

Just started chapter 4 and already love this book. Lots of interesting stuff about need for power and control.
and also how we must have self esteem in order to recognize when we are being devalued.
I feel like part of what happened in my marriage is that I moved into reality 2 and uocpdh stayed in reality 1
I hope quoting is ok
"(The abuser) avoids his feelings of powerlessness by dominating and controlling his partner"

[11JB68]

Almost done with this one, have highlighted a lot and will try to post my own review later. Love it.

[heron]

I liked this book, I learned a lot from it w.r.t. my uBPDW.

I have not found that the strategies really work in this case, though. I think the abuse, control, blame, anger, etc. with uBPD have to do with feeling abandoned, disrespected, not helped, wanting me to solve her problems, needing to get rid of bad emotions by projecting (and not having other coping mechanisms), etc. Just saying STOP, as the book recommends, them leaves her feeling abandoned, disconnected, alone, and helpless, and without a way to deal with her bad emotions.

I know that it's not my job to rescue her, let alone to be the dumping ground for all her negativity. I just think that maybe other approaches could work better with some PDs. Validation, showing them other ways to cope, other strategies, I don't know, I haven't been able to do it very successfully but that's what those eggshells books say! 

[11JB68]

I just finished this one. Need to review my notes and post a detailed review.