When a Well Known Individual Who Gives Narc Advice Turns Out to be One!

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A Fading Son

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About a year ago I had an extremely unforeseen circumstance to happen! I had become friends (on-line only) with a person who has written a well known book on narcissism. It was in a forum, such as this one (but not this one).  The author had enjoyed the posts that I contributed to the group. In the book the author mentions that once they (the author) left the narcissistic persons (mostly family members) in their life, that even they began to be accused of narcissism (which I found an extremely odd thing to say! I mean "why" would they accuse the author of that?) Long story short: one day I revealed something about myself that this author did NOT like. This author judged me and sized me up publicly and told me to leave the group and even threatened me if I contacted any of it's members outside the group!!! I mean I was floored! And you know how I felt? I felt just like I did when I dealt with the narcissist in my life: sized up and judged and tossed aside like trash! It was then that I realized this author truly "is" a narcissist! Apparently in their quest to be free of controlling people, they had become one themselves! So sad! And even more sad is that I would still recommend the author's book to anyone dealing with narcissism, but I realize that at some point (perhaps after the book was published) the author became narcissistic. Or perhaps this author came from a family in which "the apple does not fall far from the tree"--in other words, maybe they ALL were narcissist....including the author! Maybe the thinking of the day (to avoid narcissist) gave this author a reason to turn on their family? Whatever the case, I was very disappointed in them. God save me from becoming so happy with my new freedom from my own narc, that I become one too!!
From someone who is now "A Rising Son"! One's life really "can" change!

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Pantomeme

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Re: When a Well Known Individual Who Gives Narc Advice Turns Out to be One!
« Reply #1 on: February 12, 2017, 03:59:21 AM »
Whoa, that's crazy! Some people, who become or strive to be "experts" do indeed become a bit too full of themselves. I'm sorry this happened to you but now you've had enough experience where you could probably write your OWN book!

I have also had experience with mentors in my life, who at one point taught me invaluable things, becoming unhealthy or stifling connections to me when I would start thinking for myself.

Best wishes to you and hope you are able to help others with your experience too.

Cheers,
Pantomeme

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NoVoice357

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Re: When a Well Known Individual Who Gives Narc Advice Turns Out to be One!
« Reply #2 on: February 12, 2017, 09:10:49 AM »
Fading Son, I have had a similar experience. The same self-centred, controlling individual who did not allow me to post in their own forum is one of the administrators posting in another forum similar to this one. Their façade is almost perfect. They present themselves as if they were so compassionate, caring and so sweet that I feel triggered when I see their names. Controlling individuals want to have the upper hand. If you say something they do not agree with or do not like, no matter how respectful you are, they want you out.

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A Fading Son

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Re: When a Well Known Individual Who Gives Narc Advice Turns Out to be One!
« Reply #3 on: February 13, 2017, 12:46:18 AM »
Thanks Pantomeme and NoVoice--I appreciate your comments. I'm just glad someone believes me! At the time it happened it seemed unreal!  What's so odd is the authors book was so good!....how could such a good book come from such a controlling individual? My only guess is that, in reality, this person learned about Narcissism, used it as their excuse to get away from their family, but in reality possible the whole family were narcissistic, including the author. I'll have to admit it makes me re-think some of the advice in the book.  In my own life I've decide to try to mend things a bit with my narcissistic father....but only a bit. (So much in the book was true of my father and still is--he still behaves just as the book said a narcissist does). And in some areas of my thinking I've totally changed. I no longer see no contact as a "long term" solution. I mean sure--if ones parent sexually molested them and still trys to-avoid them! If the parent threatens violence--avoid them! But if, as in my case, words were said in the heat of anger, but after two years of no contact I sense things have changed some, then yea, I'm gonna go against the authors advice and have some contact. To be honest, it's my way of having a little "revenge" on the author! LOL!  :tongue2:  But this whole incident was so disappointing to me and actually scared me. I had never had anyone on-line speak to me in such a controlling and threatening way! I just wish I were a millionaire--I'd hire a detective, investigate the author, talk to some of the author's family, find out what a jerk they really are from others who know them, then write a scathing book about the author!! A kind of "Mommy Dearest" tell all! LOL! But that's only in my imagination! In real life, I'm just glad I learned the truth about them.
From someone who is now "A Rising Son"! One's life really "can" change!

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A Fading Son

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Re: When a Well Known Individual Who Gives Narc Advice Turns Out to be One!
« Reply #4 on: February 13, 2017, 12:51:48 AM »
I once heard a saying that I think apply's to this author: "Be careful in dealing with monsters, lest ye become one!"  :sadno:   :evil2:
From someone who is now "A Rising Son"! One's life really "can" change!

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Pantomeme

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Re: When a Well Known Individual Who Gives Narc Advice Turns Out to be One!
« Reply #5 on: February 13, 2017, 03:21:37 AM »
I know the feeling of just being relieved that someone believes you...

I have an NPD in my social circle still and while I haven't spoken to her in over a year, she insists on trying extra hard to remain in contact with the friends I introduced her to. And of course, they haven't seen the side of her that she unleashed on me.

Anyhow, yes, someone believes you and it did happen... but the good news is you are out of the dynamic and out of the power struggle. I too am still having my "HUH?! WTF?" moments when I look back at what happened in my experience. But those are better than having to deal with someone who doesn't believe i have the right to joy or to feel my feelings.

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NoVoice357

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Re: When a Well Known Individual Who Gives Narc Advice Turns Out to be One!
« Reply #6 on: February 13, 2017, 11:07:01 AM »
Fading Son, yes, it seems unreal, especially at the beginning, until you realize that there are many wolves in sheep clothing: from well-known psychologists and therapists, self-proclaimed child advocates to people claiming to have been victims of narcissists themselves and running a forum or a blog. NPDs spend a lot of time studying other people’s behaviour and know how to exploit other people’s weaknesses. They know how to play the victim or the expert role. (I do not mean those who are honest and admit they have a NPD)

If you Google "(author’s name) banned from forum ", perhaps you will find other people's experiences similar to yours.  You will see that you are not the only one.

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What's so odd is the authors book was so good!....how could such a good book come from such a controlling individual?

Intellectual property theft and plagiarism are not uncommon among NPDs. Some NPD people I have known have used other people's texts and work. They change them (grammar structure and use synonyms) and present them as if they (NPDs) were the authors. They do not do it with books only but also with software and with other products which are not protected by copyright law.

A couple of months ago I bought a psychotherapist's e-book who write about victims of narcissists and is also on YouTube. It was disappointing to see that what the author wrote about a particular subject I was interested in was a reference to an article to a blog article which had been published years ago. This blog was very good and I used to read it regularly so it was not new to me.
Even if this author did mention the source, I wanted to know HIS opinion about that subject and not something it was already published somewhere else.

There are such a lot of information and e-books about narcissism on the internet that it is not difficult for people with good writing skills to write their own books and get them published.


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countrygirl

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Re: When a Well Known Individual Who Gives Narc Advice Turns Out to be One!
« Reply #7 on: February 15, 2017, 08:52:32 AM »
Hello,

I have read these posts and replies with interest.  I know just what you mean about wanting to be believed, Fading Son.   Narcissists often have great facades, because of course they are all about impressing people.   And Pantomeme is correct about what sometimes happens when you disagree with or break in some way with a mentor, with a NPD mentor in particular.  I think I've also read that Narcissists can tend to idealize their victim and then drop them like the proverbial hot potato if they do anything which the N doesn't like. 

NoVoice357's comment about intellectual property theft and plagiarism being common among Narcissists was also enlightening.  I experienced this very thing with my NPD friend.

At any rate, I'm sorry you had this experience, Fading Son.  You think you've found a safe place with like-minded people, and then this happens.  It's good that you moved on, and reached out on this forum.