Healthy Member of a PD edFamily

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Airie

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Healthy Member of a PD edFamily
« on: February 20, 2017, 07:34:31 PM »


For as long as I can remember, I have felt very different from my the rest of my immediate family of origin.I actually have a hard time calling them a "family," In my mind, I usually  call them by their last name, "The XXXX's". I never felt related to them, or that I had anything in common with them.

I now understand that the dominant members of the family - my father, sister, and niece  - all have Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  It was very freeing to learn this, as it finally made sense of my world.

I'm now trying to understand another sister and my brother, who have put me through hell and dragged me through hree courts, including two criminal courts, all to settle my father's tiny estate, that I was named to be the executor of. They have bashed, trashed, lied about  me, smeared me, and tried to turn my daughter against me in the process.

I recognize the patterns and I'm familiar with the dynamics, but I didn't really understand WHY this was going on. My lawyer, daughter, and friends have asked me"why" and I never understood it.

Now I'm discussing this with my counselor, and she saw my whole family as rife with narcissism. I left the family years ago. I was trashed when I was there, and trashed when I left. I made the choice to forge a healthy path for my daughter and grandchildren and not to carry these unhealthy ways of being into the future.

But my life is ruined. I'm old, broke, frail. my health is irreparably damaged by these people. I don't feel I can ever forgive them. I despise them, and hope they at some point realize what they've put me through. So in that way I'm bitter. I'm still being intimidated by my brother who forcibly pushed my door in, got arrested, perjured himself, and got completely acquitted.

I think there was no way except to leave the family. I wish I had done it decades ago, when I still had a chance to build my own family.  So even someone basically healtrhy can be destroyed by this. There's no way to win with personality-disordered people. Once you see the signs, I say, run as fast as you can.

Airie
« Last Edit: February 21, 2017, 02:32:43 PM by coyote »

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practical

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Re: Healthy Member of a PD edFamily
« Reply #1 on: February 20, 2017, 10:08:03 PM »
Welcome to OOTF!

You certainly have been through a lot. It is wonderful that you managed to raise your own daughter in a healthy environment and broke out of the family pattern.

This is a good place to work on your own healing. We have boards dealing with siblings and parents you may want to explore. I also recommend checking out the Toolbox      and other resources under the tabs at the top of this page.

Hope to see you on the boards
ďIf Iím not towards myself, who is towards myself? And when Iím only towards myself, what am I? And if not now, when?Ē (Rabbi Hillel)

"I can forgive, but I cannot afford to forget." (Moglow)

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coyote

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Re: Healthy Member of a PD edFamily
« Reply #2 on: February 21, 2017, 02:27:06 PM »
Airie,
Welcome to OOTF. I am glad you are in counselling as this can help heal some of the wounds you are hurting from. I definitely hear a lot of pain and anger in your post. PD is hard to deal with in general but IMO narcissism is one of the most difficult. There is almost no understanding of why these people do what they do. All we can do is control our responses and make the best life we can for ourselves. Look at the Toolbox. It is full of great tips on dealing with PD. You will find a lot of support in the boards. Once again welcome and wishing you strength and peace as you go forward.
How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours.
 Wayne Dyer

The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem. Do you understand?
Capt. Jack Sparrow

Choose not to be harmed and you wonít feel harmed. Donít feel harmed and you havenít been. -Marcus Aurelius

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5540671

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Re: Healthy Member of a PD edFamily
« Reply #3 on: February 25, 2017, 06:23:05 PM »
I am in my younger years and this has happened to me in that my mother has histrionic personality disorder and lives with a bipolar disorder roommate, a depressed alcoholic son, another PD roommate, and then has an empty room where I moved out from and am now on my own.  My father took the money I had been promised for college tuition to buy my grandmother ( the one that had the college savings for me) 's house and did not apologize for that.  He still lives there and insists my only contact with him is through his girlfriend.  I barely can think of relating to my family, with the person with histrionic PD having low SES, living with people who have been in jail or arrested for non-minor crimes, and the histrionic one seemingly potentially being led into being diagnosed with dementia/alzheimers as it is familial.