Advice needed

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Advice needed
« on: February 21, 2017, 02:13:01 PM »
Hi there,

I am new here and haven't figured out yet how to speak trusting I know the rules. Please let me know if I you think I am violating any.

I need advice for a situation.

Background story: I had a very close PD friend who happened to become my colleague as well (what a joy!). Our friendship ended after a long struggle ... and I ended up here (shelter) mainly because of the struggle after the struggle.
During our friendship, my colleague got in a relationship with the colleague I work closest and share an office with. For more than half a year him and me were able to maintain our professional relationship while PD traits were ruling the relationship between me and his girlfriend. Things changed when I ended mediation. I can see how it looks (I am denying progress) but I know from the bottom of my heart that it's best to interact with her as little as possible.
The weird thing is that today was the freaking first day for ages that I felt that 'it' is over. I was confident, felt strong and comfortable. I was ok. I feel energetically unplugged from this relationship since our boss talked with her 10 days ago, basically giving her a warning. Today was my first day back at work after a period of rest I needed because I was completely drained. Like I said, I felt ok. I even met her in a group meeting and it felt ok. I felt that my interaction with him earlier was a 'we're good now, things are taken care of'-kind-of-style while we both acknowledge that things will need time to recover.
So it surprised me when I just got a text from her boyfriend/ my colleague asking me if we could talk about 'the thing'. He thinks it would do us good as it is effecting us. The fact he reaches out this way is really unusual.

To me this feels like I really might do something wrong here. I don't know what it is though. Am I being paranoid when I am afraid 'it' might go on via him? Am I right to trust my gut feeling and be very focused and alert when I am going to talk him? Or is this a crystal clear thing that I (newbie) might not see?

I feel like I have just awoken to this new world and really don't know what to do.

Any thoughts anyone?



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Re: Advice needed
« Reply #1 on: February 21, 2017, 05:30:55 PM »
Your PD friend's BF using the phrase "affecting us" is a flag.  You could go one of 2 ways:

1.  Play dumb:  "'Affecting us?  I haven't the slightest idea what you mean."

2.  Confront him:  "'Affecting us?  You mean it's affecting you?  I'm sorry it's affecting you so much.  Maybe you should try therapy if you're having problems within your relationship?  I wish you the best & hope we can continue to have our professional working relationship.  I hope you realize that anything related to [PD FRIEND] must be off limits.  Thank you for your understanding & cooperation."

Rephrase until you have what works.  Good luck! :)
I lived with my dad's uPD mom for 3.5 years.  This is my story:  (TW for abuse descriptions.)

"You are not required to set yourself on fire to keep others warm." - Anonymous

NC with uNM since December 2016.  VLC with uPDF.