Left narc boss, weird after-behaviour

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Vicks

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Left narc boss, weird after-behaviour
« on: March 10, 2017, 07:41:23 PM »
Hi everyone,

I hope you are all well. I'll keep this short!

So, i left my narc boss (and she was suprised! Can you believe it!) and 2 things happened afterwards:

1) After 2 months of my leaving, she sent a letter to my house....pretending it came via HR (it didn't). She sent me a confidential work document that was addressed to me.... So, she opened it, looked at it, and then put it in a new envelope and sent it to me..... I'm sure this was an attempt to get me to contact her back, but i wonder why she would put herself into the spotlight like that?

2) I got a job in a different department (which i'm sure she doesn't like!). She saw me coming out of the lift (2 months after she sent me the letter), and made an audible gasp and then put her face right up against the wall so i wouldn't see her. She tried to hide behind other people, but i did see her.... She bullied me so badly, and now she is hiding?

Can anyone explain these 2 incidents?

Many thanks!!

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Inurdreams

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Re: Left narc boss, weird after-behaviour
« Reply #1 on: March 11, 2017, 11:03:00 AM »
Who knows why they do the things they do?

In the first instance, sounds like she was being nosy and hoping to get some sort of dirt on you.  The fact that she sent it to you anyway appears to be that she wanted you to know that she intercepted and possibly read it.  Sort of like she wanted you to know that she is still "above" you in the work place.  That she will decide what correspondence you get and when and how.

In the second instance she reminds  school yard bullies.  They are very brave when they are surrounded by their toadies but if they are alone and encounter us, they will try to slink away.

I am glad for you that you got a position in a different department from her.

Peek not through the keyhole lest ye be vexed. - Stephen King


Response to a Flying Monkey:  Apparently you are suffering under the delusion that I give a damn.

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Vicks

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Re: Left narc boss, weird after-behaviour
« Reply #2 on: March 12, 2017, 08:21:50 PM »
Hi,

Thanks for the reply. About the letter she sent me, i'm confused why she doesn't think i will report her for sending me private documents. It's a pretty stupid thing to do! And she put a handwritten note inside - even more stupid! It's baffling....

I wonder if she is trying to hoover me, or trying to trick me somehow and do something bad to me.....

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Inurdreams

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Re: Left narc boss, weird after-behaviour
« Reply #3 on: March 13, 2017, 11:55:32 AM »
I can't say why she did that or what her intentions are, but the PDs I know are very short sighted and do not see beyond their own nose.  The ones I know do not think about consequences; they will push and bully as long as they can get away with it.

I don't know how it works where you are.  Is there an HR department?  I know where my DH works if there is a problem with another employee they are supposed to bring it to the attention of HR, immediately.  That way if something escalates, HR has a history of that problem employee.   If it were me, I would go ahead and report it ASAP, along with the note she included in the correspondence she opened.

Hopefully, this person you are talking about does not work in HR.

Oh and I see you are new.  Welcome to the board!

Peek not through the keyhole lest ye be vexed. - Stephen King


Response to a Flying Monkey:  Apparently you are suffering under the delusion that I give a damn.

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Vicks

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Re: Left narc boss, weird after-behaviour
« Reply #4 on: March 13, 2017, 01:24:51 PM »
Thank you for the welcome!  :)

Oh, the HR person is in her pocket. He hides all the things she does including changing minutes of meeting notes, to suit her etc.

I will report it to her boss, that might be better. And i think you are right, it was a very short-sighted decision.... Fascinating how ridiculous this behaviour is!

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NoVoice357

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Re: Left narc boss, weird after-behaviour
« Reply #5 on: March 13, 2017, 01:48:28 PM »
Hi Vicks,
From what you wrote, I think that No. 1 was a hoover. She was baiting you. She wanted you to get angry and to contact her directly and complain to her that she had access to your confidential documents. IMO, you did the right thing when you decided not to take the bait.
As for No. 2, she did it to make you upset and to feed off your reaction.
In both cases she wanted to get narcissistic supply from you.

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Vicks

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Re: Left narc boss, weird after-behaviour
« Reply #6 on: March 13, 2017, 05:28:15 PM »
Hi NoVoice,

I am thinking of giving the private document to the Head of Department, to return it and expose her at the same time. Is this a good idea?

As for No. 2's weird behaviour, i think she really was trying to avoid me, i only saw her by chance. And it made me feel good that she was squirming so much! She nearly did manage to hide herself, but not quite  :bigwink:

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NoVoice357

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Re: Left narc boss, weird after-behaviour
« Reply #7 on: March 14, 2017, 11:21:37 AM »
Hi Vicks and belated welcome to OOF! 

If she made an audible gasp, she wanted to attract your attention.

To be honest, I don’t know if it would be a good idea to give the document to the Head of Department and expose her. I do not know all the facts. If you are working for the same company in another department, I wouldn't do it unless it was really necessary. If she bullied you badly, she has a Cluster B PD. She has probably spoken to several people about you. The victim is usually The Troublemaker.

You also mentioned that the HR person is in her pocket. He is on her side. She sent you the document pretending it was sent via HR so that you would either contact her or contact HR and make a complaint. She has already warned the HR employee against you.
In companies where bullying is accepted, HR departments do not work for the employees. They work for the organization. Avoid the HR, if possible. They are not on your side.

If you expose her, she will retaliate. You are still working for the same company and it could backfire.

Does your company have any proof that you have received the document? Did you have to sign for the envelope (certified/registered mail)?
If you decide to return the document, make a copy of everything for your records first, including the handwritten note. You can say you want to return a document you believe was sent to you by mistake. Give them the document including the envelope (as a proof you did not steal it but someone sent it to you) and the handwritten note. Be calm and professional, do not appear angry or upset. Do not bad mouth the bully.

Good luck! :)

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Vicks

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Re: Left narc boss, weird after-behaviour
« Reply #8 on: March 14, 2017, 09:32:21 PM »
Hi! And thank you for the belated greeting!  :) And thank you also for the response, it is much appreciated  :)

Yes, I am sure she had to speak about me after i left as i'm sure people would ask her about it and she had to explain. She also had to make an advert to find someone new to replace me.

And yes, i completely agree with you about the HR employee. In fact they colluded together to change the minutes of meetings i attended to hide the bullying. I confronted the HR guy and told him that changing the meeting minutes is illegal. He got really flustered (first time he was on the ropes). I was due to see him to return my ID card but he asked me if i could find someone else to give them to - I said No, and i will see him to give them back, My ex-boss then got in touch with me informing me she has found some secretary i can give them to (I did not want to give them to her). So the HR guy was so frazzled he chickened out of seeing me and got my ex-boss to arrange someone else to collect my ID card!

So, i think he wouldn't be happy if i DID contact him out of the blue. Perhaps he doesn't even know about it.

No, i did not have to sign for the document, so the company has no proof that i received the document. But as she included a handwritten signed note, she implicates herself. It's all quite odd.

I am REALLY attempted to expose her...... I think i probably will to embarrass her. What can she do to me, since i don't work for her anymore? Although i have got a job in a different department, it's like a different employer (although she probably knows a lot of people). It is soooo tempting.....

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NoVoice357

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Re: Left narc boss, weird after-behaviour
« Reply #9 on: March 15, 2017, 08:36:02 AM »
I can understand your position, Vicks.

You asked me if it was a good idea to expose her and I can't say yes because I don't know her. I only know what you wrote about her: "she bullied me so badly…". If she bullied you to the point you had to change your job, she probably has a NPD. As far as I know, healthy people do not do that.

What can she do to me, since i don't work for her anymore? Although i have got a job in a different department, it's like a different employer (although she probably knows a lot of people).

If you're lucky, nothing will happen to you.
If she is a malignant NPD, she might want to punish you for having exposed her. You said she probably knows a lot of people. She might start a smear campaign against you to ruin your reputation. She might tell lies about you to people in your department. You worked for her and she supposedly knows you very well. NPDs have practice manipulating people. They know how to do it.



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Vicks

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Re: Left narc boss, weird after-behaviour
« Reply #10 on: March 15, 2017, 05:42:39 PM »
Hi NoVoice,

Yes you are right.... I'll have a good think about it  :)