BPDf and his wives

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Afterthefox

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BPDf and his wives
« on: April 12, 2017, 12:18:32 AM »
I have been thinking about the former and existing partners of my BPDf and realize that I know so very little about them besides his smears and related dramas. I do not recall a single positive thing he has ever said about any of them. He has kept his romantic life hidden from his social life, to the extent that he has never shared a property with any of his partners and his current partner even lives abroad. This dysfunction has been consistent throughout his life and I realize that this has taken some considerable social engineering.

BPDf's first marriage ended when he had what sounds like a nervous breakdown. He enjoys telling the story of how he consulted a doctor who gave him a worrying diagnosis of a severe nervous condition. He proceeded to abruptly sell their marital home, file for divorce, change career, and move away. All in the space of a few weeks. He has barely mentioned her and I know only her name and her profession. Any conversation about his first marriage largely digresses to the property they occupied and the stage of his career at that time.

BPDf and my mother divorced after a very dysfunctional relationship. He kept two properties and lived away from the family. Today, any mention of my mother raises deep anger in him and I have always diverted the subject. I actually do not remember either of them expressing a happy sentiment regarding their marriage. After the divorce, he disengaged all communications with my mother, largely at her request, and they mostly communicated via lawyers. My mother refused to have anything to do with him as she considers him 'ill'. I have had to avoid talking to either of them about each other for my entire life.

BPDf married again a few years later. His 3rd wife was far younger than him and I remember the bizarre way he introduced me to her. I was a teenager at the time and he invited me to his apartment where we chatted in his living room. After about an hour, he went into the kitchen and returned with a woman who he introduced as his new wife. I had no idea when or where they got married - for some reason he had hidden her away. After a couple of years, he asked whether I wanted to come and live with them. And then not very long afterwards, they were divorced and I never saw her again. I remember her commenting that he was like a 'bulldog' and she was terrified of him. I still barely know much about her other than her name and profession and my father never mentioned her again, ever.

A few years later, BPDf met his next partner abroad who is 35 years younger than him and they had a child. He didn't marry this time, and again he kept two properties. He once told me that it was a 'calculated move' as she is lawyer, and therefore useful to his business. He lived apart from the family unit but pretended to friends that they had a conventional relationship. His partner suffered years of neglect and once told me 'I don't know why I am with your father, I think want to have children with someone else.' She sounded as dysfunctional as him. Years later, he commented that she was impossible and had 'anger issues' - she was always furious with him and she demanded that he enter therapy. The smears began. She was 'crazy', their child was 'weird' etc. They eventually split up and he sold their house, despite promising to leave the property to her. After the break up, she left her job and her home to move abroad to be closer to him, hoping that he would be a father to their child. Having virtually arrived on his doorstep, he refused to have anything to do with them. He also told me not to have anything to do with either of them. Then a few years later, they unexpectedly reunited. Today they keep a house abroad where he travels to be with them when it suits him, but essentially they still live apart. I can count the number of times I have met his fourth partner on two hands, despite the fact that I was in regular contact with my father throughout this whole period in his life.


Just wondering if anyone has any experience or insight into BPD, pathological relationship patterns and a 'sheltered' or 'hidden' romantic life?



« Last Edit: April 12, 2017, 12:37:00 AM by Afterthefox »
"Muddy water is best cleared by leaving it alone." - Alan Watts